Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Approach the parent or the school

18 replies

Sunshinelollipops78 · 29/02/2024 09:46

Hi

my DD told me about an incident in school this week where her best friend has been being cold with her for a while now and as my dd was lining up to get something she was stood at her bffs desk. Her bff then told the child she sits with to hit my daughter twice with a marker to get her to go away.

I am friendly with BFFs mum so I don't know what to do as it happened in school I think it's best to tell the school so they can get all stories straight. DH thinks I should approach mum and tell her.

OP posts:
KnackeredBack · 29/02/2024 09:52

Honestly, I don't think this is worth getting involved in. Take the air out of the situation and just back away.

WandaWonder · 29/02/2024 09:57

I would address the hitting but no I do not think teachers should be involved in general 'they are not friends any more'

Hitting or actual bullying yes but general friends issues no

Elvis1956 · 29/02/2024 10:01

Hitting with a marker? Firstly how old are they. Kids change friends, so as long as there is no active bullying or freezing out or don't be friends with her, you need to allow them to sort it themselves.

35965a · 29/02/2024 10:01

I really don’t recommend approaching the other parent, it never ever goes well, I’ve seen it turn into an absolute shit show so many times.
I would speak to the school about the hitting but as for someone being cold to your DD…that’s life I’m afraid.

Walkingwashingmachine · 29/02/2024 10:02

Definitely tell school and don't approach your friend yourself. Learned through bitter experience. Neither of you were there to know exactly what the circumstances were. It's the school's responsibility to find out what is going on. The teachers can subtly watch the dynamic between the children. Often things are very different from what is relayed by a tired child at the end of a day.

Hillarious · 29/02/2024 10:06

As a one off, do nothing. Perhaps it's time for your daughter to find other friends.

DrJoanAllenby · 29/02/2024 10:16

Invest your time and energy in empowering your daughter to stick up for herself and I still confidence so she can walk away from those that don't want to be friends with her and choose others who are good company.

Original poster
Sunshinelollipops78 · 29/02/2024 10:18

Yes sorry it's not the distancing I am concerned about they are 10 it happens. But it's the hitting and encouraging someone else to do it has left me feeling concerned.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunshinelollipops78 · 29/02/2024 10:31

One of the comments after the first hit from BF was 'hit her harder to make her go away' I just don't want it to turn into a she said he said situation so I think the school would be best.

OP posts:
Josette77 · 29/02/2024 12:12

I would let it go for now as a one off, but if it happens again have your DD talk to the teacher.

If it becomes a bigger issue mention to the teacher that it would be best if the girls were kept separated for now.

Frozenasarock · 29/02/2024 12:26

If anything, school - it would depend on if child was actually hit/injured and if it was persistent bullying or one off. I definitely wouldn’t involve the other parent, who may have had an entirely different version told to her by her DD.

But mainly this is the kind of stuff I’d encourage my child to deal with by telling an adult in school at the time - I don’t think much can be done about it days later.

cheddarsandtoast · 29/02/2024 12:50

Do not go and speak to the other parent! Make sure your DD knows to go and tell the teacher to help sort situations out if she doesn’t feel able to.

As a one off I wouldn’t do anything apart from remind DD to be firm in her language and tell best friend what she said was unkind, to make sure she was chatting and playing with a range of children at school and to tell the teacher if any unkindness carries on.
If DD was starting to come home every day with unkind things best friend was doing I’d be asking the teacher if I could have a word to discuss what to do going forwards.

TheSnowyOwl · 29/02/2024 12:55

Any issues should be direct with school, never the parents.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 29/02/2024 13:13

What does your husband think will happen if you speak to the other parent? There might be some very honest 10 year olds who are capable of self reflection and say 'Actually my behaviour there wasn't ok and I'm going to make sure I am respectful going forward even if we are no longer close'. 99pc of the time the 10 year old will deny this is what happened, minimise their involvement, claim it was a joke that was taken 'the wrong way', and make counter accusations about your daughter (eg I did do that but she had been pushing me all day and i was scared of getting hurt so I lashed out). And that puts the other parent in a really difficult position, they can't accuse their child of lying in that scenario or punish when they are not sure what happened. So although its really tempting to talk to the parents, I'm not sure it would often lead to the outcome you want

cherish123 · 29/02/2024 13:26

Such a small incident. These things happen all the time in a school.
I wouldn't mention to school or the parent.

LookItsMeAgain · 29/02/2024 13:29

Sunshinelollipops78 · 29/02/2024 09:46

Hi

my DD told me about an incident in school this week where her best friend has been being cold with her for a while now and as my dd was lining up to get something she was stood at her bffs desk. Her bff then told the child she sits with to hit my daughter twice with a marker to get her to go away.

I am friendly with BFFs mum so I don't know what to do as it happened in school I think it's best to tell the school so they can get all stories straight. DH thinks I should approach mum and tell her.

If it happened at school or during school, contact the school.

If it happened outside of school hours, take it up with the parent.

Best advice though would be to diffuse this situation and not make it into a big thing. If it happens again, definitely bring it up to the teacher and follow whatever the escalation policy is in the school if you don't get satisfaction.

On this particular occasion your DH is wrong on how to deal with it.

Singleandproud · 29/02/2024 13:32

Depends on your relationship with the parent and how you phrase it I think.

DD and her BF had a rough patch when a new girl entered their friendship group so I messaged the mum to find out more, I didn't mention any specific scenarios and wondered whether she wanted to arrange a play date to get them together outside of school or had the friendship run its course. The girls butted heads for a while after and then the new girl moved on and all was good again. They are well into high school now and have been BFs friends since nursery.

I wouldn't have directly approached any other parent though.

ilovebreadsauce · 29/02/2024 13:40

A marker?? Do you mean a marker pen?
The BFF told another girl to hit your dd with a little plastic pen??
I really think your dd can deal with this.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page