To expect husband to show some interest

[bourbancreams]

Myself and my husband took a loan out last year to get something done in the house which he was pushing for more than me.
We had a builder in place and we were a few weeks away from starting the job but things became awful between me and my husband and he cancelled the builder after a big fight one evening.
One of the issues we had was I felt he wasn't interested in the renovation and was leaving me to make all the decisions which I wasn't happy about. I'm happy to do the lion share and go visit the building yards on my own and make note of things I like as I work part time but I'm not happy to decide on the final decisions without him having looked at things.
The places we had to visit are mainly only open Monday to Friday and he was reluctant to take time out of work to go look at colours or materials but was able to take time out of work for other less important things iykwim.
Anyway we worked through our arguments and we agreed to get the work done this summer as the money is still there. I'm now having the exact same issues with him, he's too busy in work, can't take an hour etc however he manages to make time during his working day for other things. For example last week I said to him can you take a morning off next week to go look at x y and z. He told me he had nothing on Tuesday but then last minute decided he needed to be in the office that day and could we do it later in this week but now that no longer suits. I understand work takes priority but he makes time out of his day to go for a run or takes time off work for other things. He rarely takes any leave days unless we have a holiday booked, doesn't take sick days so I don't think I'm asking for much for an hour or two to finalise decisions.
Aibu here?

Yes. You are PT, he is FT, just do the leg work yourself.

Most places will give you a sample piece of the material that you can show him. I think you need to accept that he is happy to have the work done, but he doesn’t really have a preference on colours or styles and is happy to leave it to you. If he were to go with you would he be likely to have an opinion or just be reviewing what you’d picked?

@DustyLee123 I have done the leg work, I'm asking him to take an hour to look at the materials I have picked.

Does he need to go and look at colours? Just show him a brochure or something, surely. And aren't builders merchants/DIY type places open Saturday mornings? They are round here. If he doesn't go and then doesn't like it once finished, then that's his problem.

I wouldn't be able to take an hour or two or a morning off just to go and look at materials/colours.

Yes I think YABU. I cannot imagine taking time off work to go shopping for materials. I think he should show some interest though, by looking at photos or samples or online.

Tell him that because he refuses to participate, you are making all of the decisions and you won't be listening to any criticism when the work is done.

Enjoy taking full control over it. Make it exactly how you want it. Trust your own decisions. You can do it.

Most of these places will let you take samples home. My DH is happy for me to choose but if I am dithering between a couple I take samples back and let him choose. Often when he makes a choice I do realise I prefer the other!

@Herdinggoats I'm happy to make most of the decisions but I've had experience with my husband before where I go get something done and it doesn't work out and I feel it always gets thrown back in my face, hence why I will not make the final decision on something this big which he is wanting more than me.

Cancelling the builder because you had an argument is absolutely deranged behaviour. What a dick.

@MiddleParking completely agree with you, I know he threatened it but I didn't think he'd actually go through with it but he said he wasn't happy to get more work done on the house with a huge loan if we weren't in a good place.

Thanks everyone, I'm just feeling very frustrated by it all. I understand most people cannot take time off work to do personal things during the day as I can't in my job, however he can. He often takes time out of his morning to go for a run and then will work later into the evening so he has flexibility. I understand things might crop up during that week and change things but when it suits him he can make things work.

Most of the places near us don't open Saturdays which I am very surprised over too although I believe further out there is a few that open to midday on Saturday but Saturdays are usually taken up with the kids activities.

Have confidence in yourself.
Show him photos of your top 3 choices and what's his opinion then go buy it. Life is too short to waste more time on it. He's not that bothered.

Well this is a bit of a drip feed. The key point then is your husband will hold you responsible if things don’t work out and you want to avoid blame. It isn’t about showing an interest in colours really is it.

If he is likely to blame you and throw things back in your face and you’ve been rowing it does beg the question why are you together and would you not be better off paying the money back and separating? It doesn’t sound like you like each other much.

how often do you discuss the renovation, it may be he feels it’s dominating every conversation