Hi all,
Posting here for my traffic and hopefully more useful advice. If you have any ideas on how to broach the subject, if you have had a partner who broached the subject with you or if you're a counsellor/qualified please advise.
My DP is in his 30's. He suffers from severe Childhood Trauma. Without delving too far into details. From parents of divorce at 8 years old. Soon after father was kicked out he was replaced by physically and emotionally abusive man. Mother suffered mental health issues never been diagnosed but bipolar or multiple personalities fits. Mother very neglectful, physically and emotionally abusive.
DP turned to bad crowd and substances from teen years and got in a lot of trouble. Relationship with father strange as he never had much interest in his children spent very little time with them. Always a case of badmouthing mother to father and then vice versa to appease the other.
We have been together 10 years had a child 4 years ago. He has always been closed off but we worked on a lot together. However after our DC he and I have become very strained. DP struggles regulating emotions - defensive, says nasty things to hurt, blows up ( never violent towards me or DC physically) but verbally and emotionally very hurtful. Will break things like phones etc in anger. Terrified of me leaving but will regularly tell me to leave then beg to come back. Says he doesn't want DC to grow up without father like him yet displays behaviour that I think will impact on DC worse than us separating. When he does something he knows in is heart was wrong or overreactive he pretends like it didn't happen. Very critical of me, I can't do anything right. And when I confront him about it he puts blame onto me for winding him up etc. Cannot take responsibility for his own actions.
When I broach the fact he has childhood trauma that has formed his behaviour and the way he deals with things emotionally etc he gets up and walks away. I've suggested counselling but he thinks the counsellor will judge him and how he behaves and not help him. So now he just shuts me down.
I'm on the verge of leaving. It has completely ruined our relationship. We sleep in separate rooms and argue over everything.
I'm not saying I am perfect. I have my own problems but I am aware of them and regularly trying to better myself. Also to mention DP mother still in life. Still behaving badly and if she does anything wrong he immediately turns into a child and won't confront and I'm left looking like the bad guy for calling her out.
DP is mid 30's still has no idea why parents divorced and won't ask what happened.
Does anyone have any advice? How to deal. I know leaving would be the easy option but he will still be in DC life and unless this is fixed it will still affect us all.