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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Asked for help

2 replies

Slowlylosingmymarbles · 28/02/2024 21:56

Background
DH and I have a 10 month old.
I am currently on maternity leave (usually work in a corporate office job).
DH works in a corporate office job.
Monday to Friday DH is largely not around to help with the baby, leaving just before 8am and usually back by 7-8pm. Journey time to/from the office is c40 mins each way.
I am up for all night wakes with DS (usually 2) and from morning (c6am) to bed (c7pm).
DH wakes after 7am, spends c5 mins with DS and says he is late and rushes around getting ready.

Situation
DS went down tonight at 7.40pm. DH comes in at just before 8pm having already eaten a takeaway on the way home.
From 7.40pm I start the clean up operation around the house. I had not eaten yet.
I move to the kitchen which has quite a bit of mess from BLW, cleaned baby clothes to put away, cleaned bedding to put away, full bin, finished dishwasher, baby bottles to wash and sterilise etc etc.
DH is sitting on the sofa watching TV / playing on phone. I ask, word for word “can you empty the dishwasher whilst I wash the bottles”

DH does come to empty the dishwasher but accompanied with an attitude and negative remarks about me asking him to do something, essentially “on my terms”. Lots of other toxic things were then said from both parties.

I then proceed to clean and tidy the house for the next hour whilst he sits and plays on his phone. He can see me doing this. After I have finished (visibly so) and have finally started making some food at 9pm, he says “right, what shall I do?”

AIBU to be annoyed by this entire interaction? I know it’s so petty but it’s really just made me stop and think whether I have entirely lost the plot and shouldn’t have asked for help.

OP posts:
mkwar · 28/02/2024 22:06

You haven't lost the plot and your not being unreasonable, regardless if he works or not he should be coming home and helping you, so you can rest/eat/shower ect, I have an 8 week old son and me and my DH had similar issues in the first month and it only got worse and caused some serious arguments before it got any better - your job is just as hard if not harder, not everything is your responsibility so you was right to ask for help and he was wrong for having an attitude x

TeaKitten · 28/02/2024 22:26

He got home from work at 8pm, after being out for 12 hours with work/commute, and then at 9pm was ready to offer help…
honestly on its own I don’t think it’s that awful. He wants to chill for an hour after work. Can you do some of the cleaning during the day? Obviously there could be a bit back story of him being genuinely crap here but it sounds like you both have long days and are tired and are just on different schedules. He needs to help, but wanting to sit for an hour first after being out 12 hours seems reasonable. He was a selfish bastard not to see if you wanted take away too though.

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