Aggressive CEO - normal for a start up?

[WellAllBeLonelyTonightAndLonelyTomorrow]

I joined a new tech company about six months ago. Been operating about five years so not strictly start up. We went through a funding round late last year so are now in a huge growth phase. My issue is that I think the CEO still thinks the company is five people who he can speak to like they're all on the same level. I've had three days of constant messages (some via WhatsApp on my personal phone coz, start up) accusing me of things I haven't done, or coming into a situation half way through with no background or context, or saying I haven't done something which I haven't even been aware of. And of course if you try to justify yourself it gets hand waved away or he doesn't reply. I can usually hold my own but I'm finding the tone of his messages really aggressive. I told DH and he seemed to think this is completely normal for start ups or companies in scale and I should just ignore him or let it wash over me. But I can't. I find it really upsetting. And I'm worried that even when I explain myself and he sees I'm not in the wrong, he still remembers the first accusation. Is this normal?? Or should I say something to HR?

I can’t say it’s normal but I have I have definitely experienced this. I’d personally be looking for something else, it doesnt sound like a great environment to be in.

Normal, perhaps. Acceptable? No.

Normal… sometimes. But that doesn’t mean it’s acceptable! Tech start ups tend to be hard work but that doesn’t mean you have to put up with it and he needs to understand the impact he’s having. Significant growth needs a loyal team and he won’t get that unless he changes his behaviour. Someone needs to tell him that.

I've worked for a company like this... run by dreadful, toxic woman who expected everyone to work unpaid overtime and spoke to people like absolute shit.

I left. It's not worth the stress. I'm pleased to say that her business didn't survive. And funnily enough many of the people who used to work for her went on the start their own businesses... and did really well.

So it is possible for small businesses to treat people well.

Just leave. Life is too short.

No, it's not normal, it happens but it's not normal.

Pease don't accept it, it will grind you down and ruin your confidence.

There's a reason why some of these CEOs do start ups, they can't cut it with the mature tech companies who expect better.

I have been in tech a very long time.

Trust me, leave. You deserve better.

I spent a couple of decades working as a contract HR Manager, mostly joining tech companies at the point when they moved from being a small group of innovative people into an organisation with enough staff to need HR systems and processes. I would set it up, employ a manager and then move on to the next start up.

Almost without exception the CEO was an innovative genius or someone who'd had a brilliant idea but who had no idea how to run a company and even less how to motivate a team.

The aggression, single mindedness and drive needed to develop a bright idea and run with don't necessarily transfer to those needed to manage people. The innovators were often short on people skills and empathy.

It took all my effort and will to get them to see people as individuals who could be trusted and empowered and who deserved to be treated well. Some got it and thrived....some never got it and had no idea how to get the best out of people.

I was lucky that I could move on from the company and that I was always an 'outsider' so could speak my mind directly to the CEO. Can someone in your company do that? Your HR Manager perhaps? If not you will either have to learn how to work for him (and his bone headed bullying ways) or cut your losses and go to work for someone who doesn't operate that way.

I'd leave rather than look back and wonder why you put up with him for as long as you did. Good luck!

Founders rarely make good CEOs (or people managers). So it’s a pretty common complaint.

Run for the hills. This will not get better, ever. And it's not you, it's not your fault, and you cannot fix it. #yesihavethetshirt

Been there done that. You can't change it, the arrogance these people have is unstoppable tsunami-level fucking bullshit, and they assume people are so desperate to join their ego juggernaut that they'll put up with almost anything.

Don't let them do it to you. You'll regret it. Walk away and know you deserve better.

Oh god thank you! I thought it was just me being thin skinned but honestly, I've worked for many companies big and small and have never been spoken to like this. I have to say my immediate manager is fantastic and can normally act as a good buffer between us, but when the CEO gets 'on one' and starts contacting me directly it's relentless. And it's like he gets hyper focused on one person for a few days before leaving them alone. I'm in a fairly senior role and will always hold my hands up when I've dropped a ball, but it's so frustrating when I know I'm not to blame and so demoralising when I get added to a 'chat' to see he's been ranting about me. And of course, we're all about 'culture' and constantly talking about how great the culture is (but it's not, it's awful!!!)

OP please move on, there are so many better places to be. Oh and leave a shit review on glassdoor when you do

Agree with others, it's not acceptable but it's also not unusual.

I think it's part of it (often) - just because a starting up a company llike this really does require a healthy amount of ego. Or an unhealthy amount. I've met some founders who went on to be brilliant CEOs (Edwina Dunn!) but I've also met plenty who haven't any skill at all in leading a company once it grows being '5 mates in a rented room'.

What would happen if you stood up to him? In the face of an email barrage:

'You've got this wrong.'
'You've misunderstood the situation.'
'I'm busy right now but I'll email you as you've got the wrong information.'

I interviewed a few months ago for a company in exactly the same position as yours. It was the FD and he came across as incrediblly arrogant and aggressive - informed me quite proudly of 2 altercations he'd had that week with 2 different colleagues and I just though "you're a complete knob" so at the end when he asked if I had any questions I said "none at all".

I just KNEW he'd be exactly as you describe your CEO. I've worked with a fair few tech start ups when I was in accountancy practice, and at least half were awful employers.

As the others say, exit stage left, asap. (Being pursued by a bear is optional!) Been there, got the t-shirt. The place I was at was about 5 yo when I joined. On average about 70 employees. When I left 18 months later I'd been there the 10th longest!! Insane, toxic environment all driven by the founder/ceo's ego.

The job I took was a massive mistake - the CEO really sold it to me through a lot of glitz and glamour.

In the end, there was nothing at all underneath it but his ego, his money, and his adamant belief that because he worked 100 hours a week that we all should too.

I asked for two days off to deal with a horrific family emergency and he never replied and never spoke to me ever again 🤷🏻‍♀️

They're a strange breed of human; don't get entangled.

Very common in tech start ups (I've worked in several over the past decade)- founders make bad CEOs generally, they don't have leadership skills and likely have never really had a proper job themselves so have no clue how to manage or be managed. No process, no support, and egos off the charts. I'm never doing it again!

Wow. This is such a good question. I honestly don't feel like I could. Things need to be done on his timescale and I honestly feel such pressure and anxiety whenever he messages me. I've woken up with a throbbing jaw all week and I've realised I've been grinding my teeth in my sleep!

OP why are you staying? Is it the promise of IPO etc? These start ups rarely IPO they usually just get bought Or they fail. Or they get funded by VCs who are looking to sell them.

I did 9 months in a start up, after working for some of the big tech names god I hated it, aggressive and yet extremely mediocre leadership.

I then moved back into more branded tech, it was a massive relief and I have achieved a lot more including a promotion and a massive pay rise.

Please think about what you want to do or achieve over the next 5 years and whether working there is going to get you there.

If I'm honest, I'm staying for the future job title. Tech start ups are very into giving you a vanity job title (think VP or C Suite) because it suits the outward perception when going through funding rounds. I'm having a VP position dangled in front of me and it's massaging my ego. And I love the company, my team, my boss but the CEO (and other members of the C suite who are his mates) are awful to work for and with.

Is

I'm staying for the future job title. I'm having a VP position dangled in front of me and it's massaging my ego.

worth

I honestly feel such pressure and anxiety whenever he messages me. I've woken up with a throbbing jaw all week and I've realised I've been grinding my teeth in my sleep!

Only you know.

In my experience of tech start ups run by egomaniac bullies the dangled promises of promotion, title and bonuses are a tool used to control and are always jam tomorrow, never today. Imagine the ego boost he gets knowing he can give you any old bull and yet he has you captive with the promise of a title that even you know is made up for effect.

You could get the good stuff elsewhere without the downsides.

Staying for a vanity title is really now worth the wait! It's actually a bit bonkers as everyone outside the business knows it's just a vanity title.

Most big businesses are moving to skills led interviews so your title is totally irrelevant. Skills are transferable, job titles are not.

I once had a director title dangled in front of me. It was future faking and I never once regretted leaving.

But OP honestly we know that these are vanity titles. You go for a VP role in a larger company it's not the same at all. You are expected to bring C level contacts with you etc.

I'd be more interested in a Senior Director role somewhere else that comes with RSUs that is actually bankable rather than a vague promise of an IPO and a title.