A visitors from abroad one

[PeloMom]

Relatives are visiting after we invited them for an event. Staying with us. Typically (every few yrs) when we invite we cover their airfare and keep visits short (4-5days). This year they pay and they decided 2 weeks stay as it’s a long distance. Fine.
Before coming sounded like they wanted to visit a bunch of places, hire a car, make the most of their stay. I don’t like having visitors for longer than few days so works out perfect.
Since they’ve arrived they’ve done nothing and only complaining they are stuck at the house. I’ve provided suggestions but apparently they don’t like to do things with entry fee. Weather is cold and rainy so not much to do outside for free.
My DH and I have been providing all meals and now told we ‘don’t really cook’ (?!) so when are we cooking something.
AIBU to expect adults to be responsible for their own entertainment when visiting a different country and be gracious for whatever is provided for them? Or is the host expected to have a full program (and pay for every single thing)?
In the past I’ve encountered complaints that they’ve done nothing/ they wanted to do abc during a visit (without communicating anything and I’m not a mind reader), hence the not too often visits as Ive always found them difficult but wanted a sense check whether I’m just a crap host?

Urghhhh I hate this yanbu, I do hate it when adults claim to have a itinerary and actually they don’t! Two weeks is way too long they should’ve really looked a little more carefully into what they actually wanted to do!

Definitely not a crap host. They are flatly refusing to do anything that costs money? Are they very broke? Could you offer to pay for them to go somewhere if that's the barrier? Not like you should have to. I think you've done more than enough already really.

They sound rude and immature. What did they think the weather here would be like in February?! I assume you are in the UK. You aren’t a crap host. I would be tempted to withdraw the food “you don’t cook”. It sounds like they were expecting a 2 week freeload with entertainment and dancing girls every day

It’s not a money issue. They were telling us about their current investments they’re undertaking and land buying etc. When we visit them we plan things for ourselves and we invite them if they want to join. Since it’s us initiating, we always paid. Only this time around was spelled out that they don’t like to pay for entries.

Tell them to crack on and do some cooking if they don't like your food or take you out for a meal or go out for the day.

Why do you have to pay their airfare.

Sound really tight

Don't pay for them, why are they so stingy

Send them links to local take aways and text them your order...

YANBU

You could just try being blunt with them - “Your idea to rent a car and go off and do X, Y, Z that you mentioned back in …… before you came was probably a good one. You’ll have/We’ll all have[if you’re this brave] a much better time if you’re prepared to invest in doing something rather than sitting about our house for free.”

Out of interest, in case it sheds more light on your situation, if it’s not a money issue why have you previously paid for flights?

I would say you're busy next time they ask to stay or tell to book a hotel. Don't pay for their flights. I'm guessing their your parents or PIL.

And don't stay with them either

Whose rellies are they? Whoever it is needs to come out with - "So, what are your plans for tomorrow? DH and I are off doing {whatever thing} so can't offer food or entertainment. Please say if you need any info on local places of interest / restaurants, otherwise I'm sure you've got lots of your own ideas."

More fool you for having them over when you experienced them doing this before. How can you complain when you knew what you were in for?

You’re right on. We never stay with them- we always get a hotel but if say we go to a museum etc we share our plans and ask them if they want to come. I don’t like guests and don’t like staying with people.

4-5 days is sort of ok. It sounded like their plans were so busy we would only see them for the event and maybe another couple of days. Foolish me🤦🏻‍♀️

Are you close to a town with free museums? Send them off to do some sightseeing! I feel your pain, i can’t stand my own DP (when visiting from abroad) for longer than 3 days. I could write a book about how painful their visits are.

anyway on the plus side they probably never come that long again.

anyway on the plus side they probably never come that long again

I disagree, they have there flights paid so why not?

@RawBloomers im brave enough to tell them I just wanted to make sure I’m not being unreasonable.
They just cooked lunch 🤣 which I won’t be touching as raw meat and veg for salad can be handled without washing hands in between

Lesson learnt.
Wise up next time.

We have hosted and been hosted quite a bit.

I probably would expect reasonably planned out days with input from whoever is visiting and the hosts.

I would not expect everything to be free.

I would offer to buy food and take hosts out for a meal as well.

First time I can post exactly the same thing on two completely different threads.

“Guests like fish, begin to smell after 3 days “ - Benjamin Franklin

Doesn’t help with this visit. Sorry

Now off to find the post about fish

@Lurkingandlearning cant agree more with the quote

Honestly op, I cannot sympathise enough with you

We live abroad and the last time my parents visited from the UK I said never again.

I did literally everything. Cooked. Cleaned. Prepped. Ideas for days out? That's me. Tour guide officiando. Chief cook and bottle washer. Me. Driver?? Me.

They refuse to drive over here ( Canada, quieter than the UK), and always seem completely lost and incompetent when they arrive.

It absolutely boggled my mind. Weaponised incompetence

Sounds like a nightmare! Can u and the hubs not book a holiday abroad until the day they go home 🤣

thank you everyone! Conversation was had (a very blunt one). Let’s see what comes out of it.

Good luck, OP.