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AIBU?

To not want to stay any longer

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TidyAzureDreamer · 28/02/2024 11:24

More of a wwyd really. Been married to DH for 20 years. Would say we had a great marriage/relationship for the most part. 3 kids. Nice home. Good jobs. About 5 years ago a family member of his, during a heated discussion blurted out something that he’d known all along, that DH had been seeing someone else aswell as me, right at the beginning of our relationship and was sleeping with her. He swore blind that it’s absolute BS. It knocked me for six as we were very loved up at the beginning, so I couldn’t imagine this scenario being the case. But then I know the girl in question and they were very close when I first met DH and she really really didn’t like me at all despite my best efforts to be nice (she’s a friend of their family) so was often there at family parties/events. After this revelation came out 5 years ago I was so heartbroken that I almost took my kids and left DH. He was really upset about the whole thing and maintained that it wasn’t true! I weighed up my options at the time and decided to stay and try to make things work for our children.
we have mostly been ok since then, although we have nothing to do with the family member who said what he said.
Our kids are now older and I feel we have grown apart an awful lot and thinking about it, I’ve never felt the same about him since the revelation. We both work and kids are 16, 13 and 10. DS1 - fine DS2 - always in trouble at school but otherwise good- DS3 - also fine.
I feel DH and I have nothing in common anymore and I do everything for the kids. School ring daily re DS2 and when I look to DH for guidance he simply says “I don’t know” or “whatever you think is best” as a result I now don’t tell him or ask his opinion and just deal with everything on my own.
DH has recently taken up a hobby and spends the majority of his time either at said hobby or on his phone discussing hobby with fellow players. If I try to talk to him he doesn’t listen.
DH and DS2 have a very strained relationship and I’m always in the middle of that also.
I come home most days and cook meals, pick up everyone’s clothes, move everyone’s plates, used cutlery, wash everyone’s clothes, take kids to clubs etc. I recently voiced an opinion that it’s not my job to pick up after everyone else and things are going to need to change. DH had been drinking and took offence and took it out on DS2 (verbally) and DS2 was upset, so I told DH he was out of order.
This escalated into an argument and I told him I’ve been unhappy for a long time, truth be told.
At this point, I feel I should just call time on the marriage and focus on the kids. But I don’t want to break their home either. I also, honestly don’t know how I’d cope financially. We live comfortably with 2 wages but on mine alone, it would be a struggle to keep everything together. But I don’t want to feel this way anymore. We are now like flatmates who just rub along daily. We very rarely argue or fall out, but we don’t communicate much either and just keep busy with our jobs and kids, and he keeps extra busy with his hobby.
I just don’t know what to do. I don’t think he would mind at all if I called it a day, as I think he too only stays for the kids. We share everything financially. AIBU to stay in an unhappy marriage for the sake of financial security and kids? Or should I look at moving out? Please be kind. This is hard and I have no one to talk to about it.

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Am I being unreasonable?

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