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AIBU?

Is it immature to distance if you want more?

12 replies

Cannotbebotheredtoday · 28/02/2024 10:59

Let's say you're good friends with someone, you have a crush/feelings, they don't/don't want anything more for whatever reason.
Is it petty/immature to have space from them for some time just to move on/forget the crush,and should you just carry on as normal?

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Am I being unreasonable?

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GR8GAL · 28/02/2024 11:07

Why would that be immature? If they don't fancy you, move on, that's the mature thing to do.

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Cannotbebotheredtoday · 28/02/2024 11:08

GR8GAL · 28/02/2024 11:07

Why would that be immature? If they don't fancy you, move on, that's the mature thing to do.

Indeed you are right, it's more if you were friends with them/close with them.

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Midnlghtrain · 28/02/2024 11:08

That sounds like quite a mature thing to do to me!

Recognising that you don't have feelings that are being reciprocated and giving yourself time to be away from that - you shouldn't have to just carry on as normal if you don't want to.

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Cannotbebotheredtoday · 28/02/2024 11:11

I just wonder if the friend without feelings would wonder why you suddenly went distant on them?

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Midnlghtrain · 28/02/2024 11:13

Cannotbebotheredtoday · 28/02/2024 11:11

I just wonder if the friend without feelings would wonder why you suddenly went distant on them?

That's not the problem of the friend with feelings who needs time / distance, tbh people need time or space for all sorts of reasons.

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MrsBigTed · 28/02/2024 11:15

Cannotbebotheredtoday · 28/02/2024 11:11

I just wonder if the friend without feelings would wonder why you suddenly went distant on them?

They probably would wonder, but that doesn't mean there's something wrong with doing it

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Cannotbebotheredtoday · 28/02/2024 11:16

Is it better to tell them or just make excuses about being busy etc?

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AuntieStella · 28/02/2024 11:19

Cannotbebotheredtoday · 28/02/2024 11:16

Is it better to tell them or just make excuses about being busy etc?

FFS don't tell them

Just carry on as normal, making polite excuses until you are a bit more ready. Stick to seeing them only in group get-togethers or for a specific activity (no just meeting up for a catch up for the time being).

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GR8GAL · 28/02/2024 11:19

Cannotbebotheredtoday · 28/02/2024 11:16

Is it better to tell them or just make excuses about being busy etc?

It I was the friend without feelings I probably wouldn't even notice. I think you're making this out to be bigger in your head than it is. Make new friends, that's where your mental energy should go. Find people that reciprocate your feelings, don't waste time on relationships that are going nowhere.

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YouTulip · 28/02/2024 11:21

GR8GAL · 28/02/2024 11:19

It I was the friend without feelings I probably wouldn't even notice. I think you're making this out to be bigger in your head than it is. Make new friends, that's where your mental energy should go. Find people that reciprocate your feelings, don't waste time on relationships that are going nowhere.

This.

Make decisions for your longterm peace of mind.

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ChihuahuasREvil · 28/02/2024 11:23

I would’ve thought the self-awareness to realise that you need space to sort out your own feelings would be more mature

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Squarehammered · 28/02/2024 12:36

They probably know how you're feeling. I'd say keep texts totally platonic, meet in a group and if you need space be honestvand give a rough time frame. A real friend will understand. (I've been there)

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