I met my DH in 6th Form, and we are now in our 50's, as is my SIL. We have been married since our mid 20's. You'll agree that is a long time to all know each other.
During this time, my SIL has been a thorn in my side, and caused a lot of problems between me and their family. I got on well with MIL and even FIL when on our own, but when SIL is there, it all changes.
In summary, SIL is/ was very insecure and she was very jealous of DH and I and the life we created, which to be fair is just like most couples; house, car, kids, holidays and days out. On the other hand, she has had a number of long term partners that didn't work out.
In the past my SIL has made it very difficult to have a relationship with MIL. In fact, my MIL has to covertly tip toe around her to spend time with my DC. A few examples taken from the massive list are; MIL stopped staying overnight with us on DC's birthdays as SIL got upset. At a wedding I was at the wash basin, and 2 of my DH's relatives were talking in connecting cubicles about me, saying SIL had said I had MH issues and was a psycho. I called her out on this, and my FIL stepped in to defend SIL. I have no respect for FIL either, he's a dickhead. I was once very ill, and was recuperating and looked like death. SIL came round and was so ecstatic at the sight of me, that my MIL had to take her aside to tell her to stop. Finally, my marriage has not always been perfect. We met as teens, and have been together 30+ years. During a couple of wobbles, my SIL and my PIL dropped me like a hot coal. In fact they went months without speaking to me, or my DC, and only did so when DH and I got back together. During that time my SIL did everything she could to keep us apart, and even encouraged him to end it. These things are all still very raw in my mind. There are 100's of others. I have no relationship with her. I wouldn't even go for a coffee with her.
The issue now is that my SIL is now happy, in a long term relationship. Her partner has DC, a very large family, and she seems happy. However, now that she has domestic bliss, she seems to think her and my family should happily hang out together on special occasions and in-between. She wanted my family and her and her DH and SC to go away for the weekend. I said I was busy.
I don't want to hang out with her. She is someone I cannot trust. She is someone who just thinking about her, raises my blood pressure and anger.
She started to message me about upcoming birthdays, going away together, Christmas, Easter etc. and I just passed it over to DH to respond to her. Also, my DC are teens and early 20's and have no relationship with her, although she seems to think they see her as a beloved aunt, they really don't! They don't want to go over to hers, or they come here when it is a special occasion.
I just feel that I got to this age without a relationship with her. It would have been nice to be friends and be close. We could have had a great time. I am a loyal and good friend to others. I've thought about forgiving, but I still feel the seething, underlying resentment to me and then remember the things that have happened and I tell myself not to be a mug and trust her again.
At the moment I see her about twice a year. That is as much as I can stomach, and the least I can get away with, without causing a family argument. DH can go over as he likes, but I doubt he will. If MIL and FIL were no longer on this earth, I would tell her what I think of her, and it wouldn't be very nice.
Who is BU here? Me or SIL?