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AIBU?

Friend/colleague has lied, would you trust them?

7 replies

Hooooooo · 28/02/2024 07:52

It's not lies that are intended to hurt me or anything, it's more to cover their own back.
For instance she said she couldn't meet up with me and another friend one evening because she was doing overtime every night. I believed her, then 2 weeks later she said she'd only done it twice that week out of 5, forgetting what she'd said. Then she did the same thing again saying something about the cut off date for our payday being that week, when I knew full well it wasn't.
She used to be keen on texting, then she started not reading messages and not initiating so I just left it. Then she started saying how she's never been into texting, she prefers to just speak to people irl and she's rubbish at replying on there, even though for the first 2 weeks she was a prolific texter.
She's obviously pulled away so I've just left her to it, I don't think I've done anything to upset her or anything, but it's just these daft little lies that don't make sense, like surely she knows I can tell.
It could be anything, mental health related or other issues going on, as I say I've just left her to it now and maybe she'll come back at some point.

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Am I being unreasonable?

17 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
35%
You are NOT being unreasonable
65%
YoureTheOneBeepingTheHornOverACheeseBurger · 28/02/2024 09:37

Maybe she’s suffering anxiety and struggling to connect and using these white lies to not cause offence?
Something I’ve done many times myself tbh.

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Midnlghtrain · 28/02/2024 09:40

Sometimes people think white lies are better than telling someone uncomfortable truths, like they just don't want to be friends or similar.

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Aquamarine1029 · 28/02/2024 09:42

My take is that she's trying to fade out the relationship.

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betterangels · 28/02/2024 09:43

People on here always seem to advocate making up excuses when there's something you don't want to do instead of just saying 'no, thank you'. Perhaps she's following that advice.

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YouTulip · 28/02/2024 09:44

Yes, she doesn’t want to meet you, so is resorting to white lies so as not to say ‘Look, I don’t want to meet you’.

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Hooooooo · 28/02/2024 10:03

Yeah it's one of those I guess, it's just daft to make up lies that are obviously not true, but yeah it may well be mental health. Anyway I've just left her to it, if she ever wants to get in touch the ball is in her court.

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iverpickle · 28/02/2024 17:21

I personally wouldn't take it to mean she didn't want your friendship, more that she wasn't sure enough of how accepting your reaction would be to her true feelings.

Some things are generally taken without question, work commitments, can't afford it, have a prior engagement etc.
I wouldn't use these with close friends, but with larger groups and people I don't know well yet I have in the past used the "another commitment" when I didn't feel able to say that I just didn't feel up to it and didn't want to get into details.

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