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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be worried about my boyfriend and his ex

27 replies

ToBiaa · 28/02/2024 06:08

My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months. We has a young child with his ex, he told me they couldn’t make it work. But they try to be friendly for their child’s sake. She did not know about me prior to this situation.

Anyway a couple of weeks ago, around Valentine’s he was acting strangely, he just seemed distracted. I kept asking if he was okay he brushed me off. Things have been okay since between us.

But yesterday I received an message via Instagram. It’s his child’s mother, she found out about me through a mutual friend. She said he called her wanting to speak to her.

Somehow he had managed to get access to her iCloud Photos, he sat through looking for hours and spoke to her at length at what he had found, pictures from 3 years ago he was upset with her about. She said he was said he was hurt at the thought she was seeing someone else. Meanwhile im here? I don’t think her reasoning for contacting me were completely correct. He denies that what he does means he has feelings for her. But she also showed me a message from him asking the last time she had sex!

He maintains that it was just a shock to see her pictures, any questions he asks because it could change the nature of their co parenting

OP posts:
Isabellivi · 26/04/2024 06:42

Breaking up with him is the only way to make him value you and respect you. You need to put the ball in your court. If you don’t break up with him he will probably dump you soon anyway and it will be more painful for you. Trust me. If he doesn’t pursue you like crazy then you have your answer, that he was on his way out. Breaking up with him is the only way to see if he likes you or using you. Be nice when you break up, tell him you want him to work things out with his ex and you are moving on

LanaL · 26/04/2024 17:37

Massive red flag !

Hes obsessing about her - you deserve better than that . If you have absolutely no feelings for an ex then you wouldn’t care what they were up to. Completely inappropriate and crossing a line to ask her when she last had sex!

If he had found out , completely by accident, that she had cheated on him whilst they were together and he wanted to confront that then I would kind of get that. Even if not together , it’s still a betrayal . But the fact he has gone snooping through her private photos is the issue , regardless if he said he just wanted to confront it the issue is why he felt the need , or desire , to go through her photos .

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