He finds me attractive, we're really close but he won't date me

[Hooooooo]

I have seen him looking at me a few times and I can 'sense' he's physically attracted, he also said to our friend that I was very good-looking apparently.
We talk for hours, laugh and joke, really interesting discussions, can talk about deep subjects too.
He's told me I'm awesome and that we have so many similar interests.
He sometimes gets kinda nervous around me.
Yet, he's not interested. Sigh..
It's just one of those things I guess. I feel stupid because I was sure he was, he goes out of his way to talk to me.
It's ok, I've accepted it and I'm moving on. Have you ever had that situation where it seemed like everything was right but they just didn't want to date you?
It makes me feel like there's something really off-putting about me.

If he’s told your mutual friend that he’s not able to date atm, you could tell your mutual friend to tell him that when he is ready to date you’d be interested.

I am aware of how childish that is, but he started it 😀

I think this time time it totally fits

I don't believe 'not ready to date' / 'not looking for a relationship right now'. I think it's just something men say when they're not interested enough. Time to move on and look elsewhere, OP.

I don't have any children/don't take drugs, no huge glaring dealbreaker that I can think of, ahh well, I'm best just forgetting about him.

Is he with someone else

No definitely nobody else, he's not dated in a while apparently.

The children/drugs was just an example. Lots of people have different dealbreakers. I wouldn't date someone with a dog or someone who had gaming as a hobby, but I wouldn't announce it. Anyway, if he's not interested in dating, then yes of course just forget about it and move on.

It took me many years to learn that attraction isn't everything. Some people just don't want to be part of a relationship for whatever reason.

Is it impossible for you to believe that he just doesn’t fancy you? 🤷‍♀️

This doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. But yes if he dwants sent want to date, forget about it.

""There have been comments from him about 'personal issues ' but I've no idea what they entail."

Okay, when someone tells you who they are, believe them.

He’s got personal issues. It’s none of your business what they are unless he decides he wants to tell you. Maybe he got brutally dumped by an ex. Maybe he was neglected in childhood or has a dysfunctional family. Maybe he’s a closet addict. Maybe he has a micropenis and he’s very insecure. Could be anything.

Point is that he has told you loud and clear. He’s got issues that make him emotionally unavailable for a relationship. Don’t go making this about you. Just accept what he has told you and move on."

LISTEN to this poster! I had a relationship for a year with someone who basically told me and showed me he was emotionally unavailable whilst still being superficially charming and attentive. I thought I was enough to fix him, change him. I wasn't. It's 9 years later and I'm happily married, he's still dysfunctional.

OP - all of this is hearsay isn't it? You haven't asked him out because a mutual friend said he wasn't ready to date.

Maybe that was the case or maybe it was an off the cuff response to him being asked a question he didnt want to answer!

just ask him out for a drink. go from there.

I don’t think OP’s making it about her.

But OP should steer clear of this guy because if someone does say they have personal issues, this should be treated as a red flag, no matter what it is and best to just believe them and tell yourself you’ve had a lucky escape

He's not for you. If he was it would happen.

I'd stay clear of 'personal issues' and 'not ready to date'.

On the plus it's good he's recognised those and has not pulled you into his shit show.

He sounds like a nice guy but have you spoken to him about dating or have you heard it from a mutual friend?
You could ask him and see?
Sometimes people are interested but their life isn’t in the best place to date so he just might not be able to commit the time to it right now.

ps attraction is not enough

This could BE the deal-breaker. Maybe he wants someone to do drugs with of a weekend. Or not. My point is you don't know what his deal breakers are, so there's no point fretting about what's so apparently offputting about you because it's not about that. He's allowed to want particular things from a relationship and if that isn't covered by you then that's ok. There will be someone else out there who thinks you're great relationship material. And it's not like knowing his deal-breaker changes anything is it? You're not going to suddenly break out the crack pipe if it turns out he wants a drug buddy, so all you can do is accept this isn't going to work out for whatever reason, and move on

He says “awesome”. That’s a no from me 😂

He may be from New Zealand, they say "awesome" all the time 😁

Maybe he’s in love with someone else, maybe he isn’t over his ex, maybe he’s just had enough of dating, maybe he sees you as just a friend, maybe he wants to travel, maybe he’s battling health issues - there are SO many maybes, of which he hasn’t felt comfortable enough to tell you about. Sorry OP I would move on.

I have been there OP.. I had a similar situation with a man who is a friend of a friend a couple of years ago. We got on so well and all our mutual friends asked me why we weren’t together as there was such an obvious spark..but when asked by a friend he just said he didn’t want to . Over time, I have realised he was right, as there are definitely things about us that wouldn’t work in a relationship and the fact that we haven’t complicated things with trying to date has meant that we have developed a nice, relaxed friendship with no awkwardness. So it worked out well in the end. Hope it works out for you too.

If a man wants to date you, he will make it obvious. No good can come of chasing a man who isn't that keen

Ask him out for dinner.
It all sounds very teenage with his friend being the messenger.

You can get on with someone and/or think they are attractive or good looking but it doesn’t mean you are attracted to them or want sex or a relationship with them.

Just saw that you have only known him for 3 months. Maybe he wants to get to know you rather than a quick shag?

he isn’t interested he has been clear about this

stop romanticising your relationship he isn’t into you

you will meet men who feel the same way about you it’s just how it is