Page 2 | Handed down baby items....

Keroppifrog2024 · 2024-02-27T17:55:25+00:00

Hey, Just wanting another opinion regarding a situation between my friends and handing down baby items. I am part of a quite large friendship group many of whom have had children. It has been tradition to pass down any clothing or toys etc to the next person and this has been happening since my friends first child 9 years ago. Obviously some items that get damaged etc get thrown away but he agreement was that we share items and pass them down as a kind of 'it takes a village' style. Trouble is one of our friends partners (Female) had her child last and she is now 1 year old. We have just all found out that all of the items that were handed down to help have been sold through eBay and Vinted by her and there is basically only a handful of things left for me. Now for me - it isn't about the items but the principle- she received free things for her baby and she has now profited off these items. Do you guys think it was unfair of her to sell everything, even though she knew that they were to be handed down? Thanks

WandaWonder · 28/02/2024 04:29

Personally I don't care what people do when I give things away they are not mine anymore

So fair or not it has happened so not sure what thought should be given to it now?

BobbyBiscuits · 28/02/2024 06:08

If I am getting it clear, it seems like it was the partner of the lady who had the kid that was part of this 'tradition'? Therefore it feels like it's her fault if she didn't stop her partner from selling this stuff. It feels like the woman who sold it obviously was not remotely invested in this concept. That must lie with her partner surely. It's done now but I would be wondering why she is denying selling it when there is proof?

user1492757084 · 28/02/2024 06:14

Don't lend her anything more.

Mumof2teens79 · 28/02/2024 06:49

Yes, I sm confused by the "she's
Is the woman who had the baby part of the friendship group? Is her partner/your friend male or female?

You might think it was clear from the conversation but not necessarily. I have passed on lots of stuff over the years and often say when you are done with it pass it on....if you said something like that thinking it was obvious you meant 'within the group' that's not obvious to anyone not in the group from the start.

You talk about "tradition" but how many babies and how many friends does this really involve over 9 years?

Pottedpalm · 28/02/2024 06:52

What sort of expensive stuff was it? I can’t imagine many people would want eight/nine year old stuff that has gone through several babies. And surely it can’t just work perfectly that one baby stops needing items as the next one starts?
Just let it go and find what you need new, or on Ebay etc. Many lovely barely used items on there.

Tatonka · 28/02/2024 06:56

Well obviously she's a pretty terrible person, especially selling things she didn't pay for. I'd struggle to be friends with someone with so little ethics tbh

Ariona · 28/02/2024 07:07

Pottedpalm · 28/02/2024 06:52

What sort of expensive stuff was it? I can’t imagine many people would want eight/nine year old stuff that has gone through several babies. And surely it can’t just work perfectly that one baby stops needing items as the next one starts?
Just let it go and find what you need new, or on Ebay etc. Many lovely barely used items on there.

This. Baby item go for dirt cheap op. There's now. Marketplace, Vinted, local selling groups and not to mention people just giving it for free.

I can imagine it's her cheekiness of selling it when there was an agreement that grates.

Lumiodes · 28/02/2024 07:26

Greedy and selfish. Exclude her from your friendship group and make sure she knows why she isn’t getting invited any more. Because you all can’t look at her after she’s stolen from you.

mynumerouno · 28/02/2024 07:30

That is shitty of her. I give stuff I was gifted second hand to charity. I only sell things I bought myself.

WhatNoRaisins · 28/02/2024 07:32

I'd have some sympathy if she didn't know about this tradition, if say her partner hadn't bothered to tell her but the rest of you assumed he had. It's not something I'd want to participate in myself to be honest, I can't be doing with remembering where baby stuff came from.

Starspangledrodeopony · 28/02/2024 13:34

She’s a dick seeing as she was briefed. And she’s ruined a rather lovely tradition you all had going on.

ComtesseDeSpair · 28/02/2024 14:50

And yet it doesn’t seem as though the long-standing friend who knew about the arrangement right from the start of the tradition is being blamed, just his/her new to the group partner. Surely the old friend should have been making sure to correctly identify and carefully store away all the items they recognised from 9 years ago and knew to have belonged to the original hand me down baby bundle, since they knew most how important it was?

Original poster

Keroppifrog2024 · 28/02/2024 18:34

Thanks for all the posts.

She has been part of our friendship group for 3 years but originally it was her male partner that we were friends with.

The children have all been pretty spaced out so it has worked for us all over the years. As others have said you would get rid of anything damaged or broken, add your bits on and then pass on and then anything expensive like a sleepyhead or a snuzpod the next person would get a new mattress etc.

I think it's fact that she knew what we had been doing for years and decided to ignore that. She is currently talking about having another child and I think the lesson has been learned here - she isn't part of that tradition so anything I have left over that is still decent and can be used I will wash and store ready for the next baby in our closer friendship group. (Which will probably be me again if I'm honest as I am the last in the group to have my babies haha)

OP posts:

Scaffoldingisugly · 28/02/2024 19:03

She is a user and isn't a friend.. Back off op. New group chat with her omitted...

nutbrownhare15 · 28/02/2024 19:58

I would ask if she can pass on the contact details of the person she sold the bear suit to as you would really like to get it back for sentimental reasons.

EsmeSusanOgg · 28/02/2024 20:04

nutbrownhare15 · 28/02/2024 19:58

I would ask if she can pass on the contact details of the person she sold the bear suit to as you would really like to get it back for sentimental reasons.

Do this in the group chat (if there is one). Bonus if her partner is also in the group.

If you can see the old listing, send a link/ screen grab.

Kooples · 28/02/2024 20:16

nutbrownhare15 · 28/02/2024 19:58

I would ask if she can pass on the contact details of the person she sold the bear suit to as you would really like to get it back for sentimental reasons.

Surely she’ll just say if so sentimental why is it not in some kind of baby memory box?

nutbrownhare15 · 28/02/2024 20:22

Kooples · 28/02/2024 20:16

Surely she’ll just say if so sentimental why is it not in some kind of baby memory box?

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Because it has been handed down between the different families who each took a photo of their baby in it

FairFuming · 28/02/2024 20:41

What she did is shit. I'd make sure nothing else is passed to her and the friendship group know why but other then that there isn't much you can do.
I lent things to a friend's daughter and was clear I needed them back when she was done or when I was pregnant again as I only lent them because they were desperate and when they didn't come back it really affected the relationship with my friend. I'd never do it again unless I was totally done with something

Kooples · 28/02/2024 20:44

nutbrownhare15 · 28/02/2024 20:22

Because it has been handed down between the different families who each took a photo of their baby in it

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You’re right - totally forgot about this!

Antagonishy · 28/02/2024 20:50

I agree. For all the next sizes up, ask your group to skip her out and pass them direct to you - assuming you got room to store things

ComtesseDeSpair · 28/02/2024 20:54

Keroppifrog2024 · 28/02/2024 18:34

Thanks for all the posts.

She has been part of our friendship group for 3 years but originally it was her male partner that we were friends with.

The children have all been pretty spaced out so it has worked for us all over the years. As others have said you would get rid of anything damaged or broken, add your bits on and then pass on and then anything expensive like a sleepyhead or a snuzpod the next person would get a new mattress etc.

I think it's fact that she knew what we had been doing for years and decided to ignore that. She is currently talking about having another child and I think the lesson has been learned here - she isn't part of that tradition so anything I have left over that is still decent and can be used I will wash and store ready for the next baby in our closer friendship group. (Which will probably be me again if I'm honest as I am the last in the group to have my babies haha)

Why are you blaming her rather than her partner who knew you and the tradition from the start? Why isn’t it his job to identify all the old items and store them for you?

SecondUsername4me · 28/02/2024 21:26

ComtesseDeSpair · 28/02/2024 20:54

Why are you blaming her rather than her partner who knew you and the tradition from the start? Why isn’t it his job to identify all the old items and store them for you?

Edited

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This! He is part of the routine. He is the one who knows. He should have made sure stuff was passed on in full as per the tradition.

Tbh the whole thing sounds like a logistical nightmare so I'd have said no in the first place to being part of it, but nevertheless, it appears to work for you all.

DodgeDoggie · 28/02/2024 21:35

It’s very mean spirited of her. Probably best not to include her in the clothes swapping group

Seagrassbasket · 28/02/2024 22:00

I’d be pretty pissed off about this and quite upset about the bear suit.

I think I would be raising it with the bloke who was in the original group though - what had he said about it?

Shes clearly a dick but I’d be interested to hear his take.