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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this unreasonable behaviour from DH?

25 replies

DidIReallyAsk · 27/02/2024 09:28

This has been playing on my mind ...

DH and I were at a dinner party with a group of his friends and their wives just after new year.

I noted DH drawn to one of the other wives (talking a lot / looking at her a lot) - didn't think much of it at the time. Though I noticed him looking at her whilst she was bent over getting something.

I have since found some seemingly innocent messages on DH phone with the other wife saying it was a good dinner party and my DH replied saying "it was great to see you there 😘" ... without the emoji I wouldn't be bothered but could this be more than the average friendly text?!

Driving my self insane!!

OP posts:
Catza · 27/02/2024 09:31

If you are looking at your husband's phone, your relationship is over anyway.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/02/2024 09:31

I wouldn't be happy about the daft kissy emoji, I think it's inappropriate. Does he normally text her?

ion08 · 27/02/2024 09:33

Though I noticed him looking at her whilst she was bent over getting something.

gross

iwiporangi · 27/02/2024 09:34

If it looks like a duck...

Original poster
DidIReallyAsk · 27/02/2024 09:36

They don't usually text no.

Yes it was gross but I guess people look at each other...

It's the emoji that has got my head in a spin - may just be completely innocent but I just don't understand the intention behind that!!!

OP posts:
Riverlee · 27/02/2024 09:38

If it’s the odd message, back in early January, then I wouldn’t worry. If jit’s a string of messages, and it looks like an emotional affair is developing then there’s cause for concern.

Has dh’s behaviour changed at all? More secretive, ‘overtime’ at work, more body conscious etc?

(My dh and I use each other’s phones interchangeably. picking up dh’s phone isn’t a problem for us).

ion08 · 27/02/2024 09:39

DidIReallyAsk · 27/02/2024 09:36

They don't usually text no.

Yes it was gross but I guess people look at each other...

It's the emoji that has got my head in a spin - may just be completely innocent but I just don't understand the intention behind that!!!

OP… New year in front of his wife he was ogling another woman

whom he later exchanged messages with but didn’t mention to you

and now you’re checking his phone

Its a marriage rotten to its core

ion08 · 27/02/2024 09:40

who instigated contacted between him and the woman?

skippy67 · 27/02/2024 09:40

Catza · 27/02/2024 09:31

If you are looking at your husband's phone, your relationship is over anyway.

Bit of a reach.

arethereanyleftatall · 27/02/2024 09:42

Well he obviously fancies her. The question is would he act on it if she gives him the opportunity to? I think it sounds like he would. If they don't do anything, it's only because she's not interested.

Original poster
DidIReallyAsk · 27/02/2024 09:43

The woman did - but she's also engaged to his friend. That's why I didn't think much of it.. but he responded almost instantly.

We're all going out again in April for an Easter drink so I'm slightly worried.

Not noticed much change in him no!

OP posts:
Meagainnewname · 27/02/2024 09:43

Catza · 27/02/2024 09:31

If you are looking at your husband's phone, your relationship is over anyway.

Absolute rubbish!
i use my husband’s phone a lot, he hasn’t got a clue when it comes to his works app, using it to book annual leave and an app to order his medication and lots of other stuff, so I do it for him on his phone!
so you’re saying because I’m looking at his phone our relationship is over??

arethereanyleftatall · 27/02/2024 09:45

@Meagainnewname
The poster obviously means looking at his phone in a suspicious way, not in the way you have detailed. And thus, it means that she doesn't trust him.

ion08 · 27/02/2024 09:50

DidIReallyAsk · 27/02/2024 09:43

The woman did - but she's also engaged to his friend. That's why I didn't think much of it.. but he responded almost instantly.

We're all going out again in April for an Easter drink so I'm slightly worried.

Not noticed much change in him no!

are you friends with her too?

BeakyBlinders · 27/02/2024 09:51

How could you see what was said to his friend?

Ponoka7 · 27/02/2024 09:59

At best he's making a a fool of himself. At worse he's looking for an affair. I'd be asking him not to stare as much. Is she younger, particularlyattractive? A lot of men make fools of themselves at times.

Original poster
DidIReallyAsk · 27/02/2024 09:59

Well I wouldn't say "friends" as such, but we are friendly when we see each other. We don't text or anything.

OP posts:
KrisAkabusi · 27/02/2024 10:01

Meagainnewname · 27/02/2024 09:43

Absolute rubbish!
i use my husband’s phone a lot, he hasn’t got a clue when it comes to his works app, using it to book annual leave and an app to order his medication and lots of other stuff, so I do it for him on his phone!
so you’re saying because I’m looking at his phone our relationship is over??

Show quote history

There's obviously a difference between using his phone and checking through is phone!

Original poster
DidIReallyAsk · 27/02/2024 10:01

@BeakyBlinders I don't understand your question?

@Ponoka7 she is attractive yes, and successful (a banker) and 5 years younger I believe... (in her late 20s) that makes me feel worse!!

OP posts:
scorpiogirly · 27/02/2024 10:03

Why does she have his number?

IncognitoUsername · 27/02/2024 10:08

Just the one message?

Original poster
DidIReallyAsk · 27/02/2024 10:13

I guess they have each others numbers from a group chat about nights outs / dinners etc.

A few other messages but completely innocent re. arrangements for other nights out.

I think I looked because I felt uneasy about the way he was almost drawn to her that evening.

I don't want to confront DH if it seems completely innocent but obviously when you're in a situation it's hard to gain perspective hence the post.

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 27/02/2024 10:17

It isn't innocent, in as much as he fancies her. I'd speak to him rather than becoming a joke to others.

Ellie1015 · 27/02/2024 11:49

I would speak to dh. It is not appropriate. Even if is not an indication of an affair it is disrespectful to you and the relationship.

I would tell him you have noticed and he better behave better next time. If he doesn't then I would reconsider relationship.

ion08 · 27/02/2024 15:22

I guess they have each others numbers from a group chat about nights outs / dinners etc.

and yet rather than keep it in the group
they started a tete a tete

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