Aibu to think they could have made an effort here?

[Whiskeysoda33]

I've a bit of an odd situation here but want to see what your thoughts are on this.
My parents make little effort to visit me in my home or with their grandchildren. They live half and hour away are in good health, drive and mid 60s. They post cards for birthdays but never visit despite being invited.

Over the years I have tried to involve them in their grandchildren's lives but they have none of it, there is always excuses. They attend the things they have to attend such as baptisms, communions etc but even then they will arrive late with a barrel of excuses and are the first to leave.

They will then go on and on about how they miss the grandchildren and how they wished they lived nearer them.

Over the weekend my son had a sporting activity and by pure coincidence it happened to be across the road from where my parents live less than a 5 minute walk. I mentioned it to them as I thought they might like to go say hello and the weather was good. The reply I got was we won't but if you and ds want to come over afterwards we'd love to see him as we miss him. I messaged back saying I wouldn't be over as I had ds's friend with me and his mum was expecting him back. Later that evening my mum messaged me saying how she walked over to seen ds's activity after all and she couldn't see him so she went back home. Aibu to think if that was the case wouldn't she have called or messaged me to ask where I was?
Am I expecting too much or is this a bit off?

Are they still working, or retired?

How peculiar, I'd be hurt too OP.

Do they generally not leave the house? If they miss your son so much it doesn't make sense that they don't take you up on your invitation.

Do they both still work? Are they social?

Very strange behaviour. Do you visit them?

I’d be hurt. My ex-in-laws were a bit like this and I used to want them in our lives and couldn’t understand why they didn’t want to be.

He was your ds? I hope he wasn’t disappointed.

In the absence of any other explanation, I’d assume they, like a significant portion of Mners, simply don’t like leaving the house, or engaging in any form of activity that exposes them to other people.

That's really hurtful. You're not expecting too much at all by wanting your parents to show interest in their grandchildren.

What do you say when they claim to miss them? 'well they're right here mum, you can see them anytime'??

My dad still works but mum doesn't. They wouldn't be very social, like smaller circles and I've adapted my family events to accommodate them for example Il throw dc a birthday party with all their friends one one day but then will invite my parents over for dcs birthday another day so they don't feel overwhelmed with a load of people around them.
I visit them once/twice a month as I work most weekends and dc are in school and have activities most days afterwards. I used to visit more though but I have stepped back a bit.

So you see them twice a month? Is that with your DC? If so I think that’s plenty to be honest.

It sounds as though they just aren't very sociable people; plus your dad may be knackered at weekends if he is working full-time (it gets more tiring when you're older even if it's sedentary work) and just want some downtime.

I would accept it for what it is, but if they start moaning again about missing the grandchildren, it would be more than reasonable for you to point out opportunities to do this that they hadn't taken.

Same here and my parents are retired my dad is always busy with his girlfriend my moms partner is possessive they loved dd when she was born but after I had the boys they stopped I've only just learned to drive and I cba to make an effort for people who haven't made an effort for me for the last ten plus years

Never any expectations of them babysitting btw they just couldn't be bothered they had "their life" I've got mine

Does she suffer with anxiety?