Fed up with DH- illness- always me looking after sick kids

[dledup]

I'm sick myself at the moment and have had a raging fever all night.

All I wanted was a bit of sleep - by myself preferably. But no, my toddler is also sick and has been waking up every hour crying. My older child has heard that and has also come in and wanted to sleep with us.

I've been squashed in a bed with a fever and my two kids - pretty much awake the whole night.

I don't have the strength to do the nursery run this morning / get them ready and also the little one isn't really well enough to go in.

We've had a terrible 3-4 weeks. It's just been illness after illness and I've been handling it all alone. Whilst h has continued to work.

My work is not going well, as you can imagine and today I have quite an important day. I really should take a sick day, but seeing as my situation at work is precarious anyway, I'll try and muddle through.

I woke H up at 5 and said that he really needs to support me today and take the kids or kid to nursery etc, as I've had no sleep or space and still have a fever and I just can't do it.

He's not really agreed to disagreed to do this. I asked him to please take the kids this morning ( from now ) so I can just have a bit of a rest. But he hasn't and has just shut his door. The kids are with me in bed.

He tried to take the little one who started crying and was almost sick and H got angry with me for ' look what you've done now ' because I tried to get the little one to stay with him this morning.

I'm really really fed up. If he doesn't stay home today, I genuinely don't know how I'm going to get through this day.

For reference, he is self employed and often short staffed so he has to be there. Which is why we have this set up.

But he could once in a blue moon take the day off to help around here. Especially when I'm tired and sick.

Are you working from home? I would leave and go somewhere else to do your meeting if you can. Yes sick children are both your responsibility and ineptness is not an excuse.

Oh op that sounds awful. Of course he should step up and look after the kids more when you are poorly, I think that’s a pretty basic things. You sound utterly exhausted….pretty selfish of someone to sleep well through the night while the poorly parent deals with both kids alongside being ill. if he’s wel having them from 4am May have made him a little tired but would have been easily manageable.

It's totally unfair, and you absolutely shouldn't have to, but is there anyone else who could help you? If he isn't going to support you someone else might need to (and the shame of this might push him into doing it himself, he must know it's wrong of him). 💐

I can never believe how selfish some fathers can be with things like this. My ex was. It’s just selfishness right to the bone to allow someone else to struggle whilst ill themselves and do nothing.

This would be the point I'd leave and take me and my work to a hotel.

I thought this was going to be one of those "we're both ill, but I have to get on with it while he sits around feeling sorry for himself". And that would be bad enough (I have a dh who does 'competitive illness' and it's very wearing, but when I point it out he invariably steps up).

But in your situation, that's total selfishness by your h. Does he have a tendency to think that childcare should always fall to you? You both work. One of you is ill. It's not even 'helping you out' or 'supporting you'! It is simply taking shared responsibility for raising children you both brought into the world - in the same way that it's not 'babysitting' if they're your own children.

Yes ask his work to have more days off if this occurs again , I know
With my work it's a supermarket so as long as we book holiday that's understandable or even ask his work to do a half day so he can rush home and make sure your doing well.

Be firm with him and get him to come back early so your better and recover say to him no excuses insert name
Here or whatever his name
Is .

From Tom

I’m sorry op. Some men are selfish pieces of crap. And yours is one of them. Can you get yourself up and out of the house and text him and say I’ve gone to work and he will have to deal with the kids or if he is never actually going to support you even when you are sick and you’ve done all the sick parenting sick kids for weeks then he may as well fuck off forever BECAUSE HE ADDS NOTHING TO YOUR LIFE.

It’s understandable with his type of job that it is not easy to take time off, but in a partnership you don’t just throw your hands up and say ‘nothing I can do’.

He could have stepped up last night so you could rest. He could be offering to go in late/come home early. You could both be having a discussion about whether this set up works for you both. Imo his type of job is fine with no kids or a sahm/very part-time mother or a lot of family help, but in these days where women’s jobs are also important, the man cannot just pass all responsibility for home/children onto her.

I'm sorry. I always find it curious that there are so many men who don't think that their kids are their responsibility.

Different situation, but I always remember one dad who was hugely put out that holiday camp wouldn't accept his child without sun cream, a hat and a water bottle (during the hottest weeks of the year). He had a really hard time accepting that the staff weren't going to sort this one for him - "But I can't go home and get it all. I have to WOOOORRRRKKKK!" As if he was the only one who had ever faced this problem.

But in our case mum has arthritis and is blind in one eye because of health issues years ago.

plus with myself having learning disabilities, it’s taking a toll on work and home life for me where my parents are.

It’s a lot more complicated and I don’t have any idea of how to look after a baby because I’ve never been in that situation before.

Id go on a learning disability skills for future course just as long as it improves my situation which at the moment isn’t great.

as a family we all
suffer from
the fact my dad is self employed so has more worries .

i get stress from noisy people and groups and find concerts hugely worrying it’s why I like peaceful activities such as reading and small gatherings with friends not larger ones.

Having Asperger’s and Dyslexia and Dysxpraxia make me knowing instructions difficult .

I work the hours I can , I can’t drive and so get public transportation and sadly it would cost me £120 for those extra hours maybe £140 with the rise in council tax I don’t know do I can pay all that back.