Being mugged off?

[Parisian21]

Hi all, I’ve got a close friend who I’m feeling a bit let down with and wanted to get some opinions to see if I’m being silly or not. We both have daughters the same age and they play together maybe see each other every other month and I normally see my friend every couple of weeks. What has annoyed me is she asked us to save the date for her daughters bday party and when the date was nearing I asked about the plans, she then said they decided just to do a class party instead, they go to different schools, I felt as though she could have told us before I had to ask especially as she asked us to save the date. I also have a hunch that they might have had other kids there that aren’t class friends there so I just felt a bit miffed. I tried to forget about it and wished her a great time for her birthday party etc and in all fairness she invited my daughter round to their house to celebrate with their family on her actual birthday which we did go to.
Then last week I messaged her asking if they were free at the weekend in the afternoon, she asked what did I have in mind so I replied we could go for lunch, then she got back to me saying another one of her daughters friends had asked them out and would we be free in the evening instead so I agreed we would go round in the evening. When the weekend planned date came around I messaged her said we’d be coming round shortly then she messaged to say oh can we do it another night, not long home and feeling tired. I was so annoyed and my daughter was looking forward to seeing her friend too.
She messaged asking if I wanted to go round for breakfast in the morning but I had work and thought she would know that plus I was so annoyed with her so I didn’t reply.
A couple of days later she messaged to ask if I could go round to do her waxing which I sometimes do but I don’t feel like messaging her back the way I’m feeling about what’s happened these past few weeks so I haven’t messaged her back.
Oh and also before her husband proposed she told me she’d ask me to be a bridesmaid but then when plans were being made she didn’t ask me at all, she had her sis in law to be and one of her hubbys wife’s!
I probably sound so pathetic…
Any advice? am I overthinking?

Shes flaky.

How old are the girls. It can be tricky territory to navigate if they are at different schools and reach an age where they have their own friend preferences and priorities. Whilst your friend may value your friendship, it could be that her DD is moving away from your DD as she starts to select her own friends rather than her mum's. You two adults can remain friends if that's the case, just socialise without the children.

Definitely don’t do her waxing, tell you’re busy.

Sounds like does the bare minimum to keep you roped in for favours or when she doesn’t have other things going on.

Your instinct to take a step back sounds right.

Sorry, completely missing the point of the thread but she had one of her husband's wives as her bridesmaid???? Now I'm confused!

@Rubbishconfession yeah I'd tell her to wax her beaver herself😂😂😂😂

One of her husbands wives?!

She sounds unreliable and flakey. This will sound harsh, but people tend to only be like that to those that let them.

What I came on to say

Yeah that's a bit bizarre and flaky , have you tried to get a centre ground agreement, once she gets married hopefully it ends the saga of not worrying about stuff.

Everything should be settled after that , if it's not then try and have a long friendship chat .

Could be very sensitive issues at the moment I know it is with the newspapers and news at the moment is chaotic.

one of hubbys wife’s could wax her

Do you do waxing as a business (as in not dropping around to friends houses but have a salon where you do this)?

If you do, tell her "Hi friend, unfortunately I will not be able to do waxing or beauty treatments at home anymore. I felt that it was costing me more than I was making even with mates rates (I do hope you were at the very least charging her mates rates for this). If you still want the waxing to be done, please can you contact my salon at 012345678 and we'll find an appointment for you. Hope <daughter> is doing well in her new school." or something like that.

Good luck!

What is a "centre ground agreement"?

I think the friend's wedding was in the past as OP refers to him as her husband.

I don't understand what the newspapers have to do with any of this. Maybe you're projecting your own "sensitive issues" onto this random woman.

I'm aware that the world is a total shit show, but that doesn't impact on my friendships.

A "long friendship chat" is not called for. OP could ask her friend why she's been flaky recently but can't decide in advance how long that conversation lasts.

Sorry I meant to put one of her husbands friends wives

Sorry for the confusion everyone I mean one of her husbands friends wife was her bridesmaid. We have been friends probably about 15 years I just felt a bit let down about that and that lately she’s been a bit unreliable. I think I’m going to have a chat with her but I just hope it doesn’t cause a big fall out or something like that

I wouldn't do her waxing for her anymore.

She sounds flaky. I wouldn't bother making plans with her anymore.

You do not ask someone to save the date and then un-invite someone. Height of rudeness.

Don't wax her.

I would forget this friendship

It does sound like you're just going to keep being her helper in life, not friend.

Thanks for all the feedback everyone, I’m going to just take a step back.
I don’t have a beauty salon unfortunately as I’m just starting up and mobile, but im going to hold off on doing any more waxing for her. It is usually mates rates especially cos I’m just starting out.
I don’t think she’s just using me but I’m definitely not wanting to be treated like a mug! So I’m going to ask her why she is being flaky lately and see what she says.

I wouldn't bother asking her why she is being flaky. I'd just say that I'm unavailable to do waxing for her but when you get set up as a salon, you'll pass on your details to her so that she can make an appointment with you then. Wish her all the best (not that you actually have to mean it) and leave it at that.