Is my boyfriend being nasty?

[DespPirate]

I have been really struggling mentally and it’s caused recent problems in our relationship, things have blown up the last few days.
It’s due to the arguments but I don’t think it excuses the fact that he’s been really really nasty to me the last few days. Sarcastic, calling me a disgrace, leaving me crying on a kerb while he walked off, saying “I can do whatever the fuck I want” when I called him out on this.

i have apologised and said I’ll get help. I thought I was doing the right thing by suggesting couples counselling, but he instantly snapped and said “yeah I’m happy to, but all our problems are down to you so why don’t you sort yourself out first”. He can’t understand that I acknowledge this already, but also see that it’s made him really nasty too.
I was just trying to be helpful and show him our relationship is important to me too

It doesn’t sound like you are right for eachother.

leaving me crying on a kerb while he walked off

He left you by the parked car, you could have just got in the car?

I'm sorry, but reading your earlier posts too, he's not being unkind he's just at the end of his tether. He is right - you need to get help. He also needs to protect his own mental health so maybe he's distancing himself right now. Please do something to look after yourself. Your boyfriend's actions are not the problem here.

I agree with him tbh - you don’t need couples counselling, you need individual help and urgently. Antidepressants would probably help.

I’ve read both threads and I’m wondering op, are you autistic? The information about misunderstanding situations/communication, seeing things in ‘black and white’ like planning the holiday, meltdowns, self harm (thigh hitting) when dysregulated may mean that the two of you are simply ‘not getting each other’ regardless of the underlying cause. It doesn’t sound like he wants to engage in CT, he wants you to fully accept responsibility. It would be far healthier to separate and also gain a better understanding of yourself with therapy, from reading both threads.

I think he's struggling too after reading your previous thread. I think the post about emotional flooding is really interesting.

I dont think he knows what to do. He could be scared and not feeling able to be full on supportive.

I know that doesn't help you. But I don't think this makes hima nasty person. But he's probably not feeling on top of things.

I hope you can get support to help you.

I think you need to let him go, you need to work on yourself and don't seem right for a relationship at this moment in time.

I remember your previous thread.

I don't think there's any point in having couples counselling until you've had some intensive therapy for yourself first.

From your other thread he didn't sound nasty at all, he just sounds driven to breaking point.

I think he's being unkind.

But I also don't think he's especially wrong?

Women constantly post on here about their male husbands or partners with mental health issues that they end up completely burnt out and feeling so low they can't see a way out. He is not responsible for your mental health issues, you are, and if you are taking things out on him, I don't blame him for being at the end of his rope and snapping. It sounds like he has in general been very supportive and loving.

I agree with others, I think you need time apart; you need to heal, and he probably also needs to repair the damage with some time apart.

@Unexpectedlysinglemum I don't disagree per se with your post, but we're getting one side of the story here, from a woman with admittedly very poor mental health. Normally I'd completely advocate for taking what we have at face value, but in this case I think we have to be cognizant of the fact that OP's perspective might well be massively skewed, and it's very unfair to put the fault on her boyfriend under those circumstances. Especially considering the recent post that she didn't want anyone to read.

Marie Kondo him.

I think you should both do each other a massive favour and break up.

I don't think someone's very obvious mental health problems are justification for calling them a 'disgrace' and leaving them crying on a kerb. That's dehumanising behaviour.

I understand he might be at his limit with someone who needs help but there's a way to communicate that and this isn't it. This is abusive.

Vile and showing true colours.

but also see that it’s made him really nasty too.

No op, he was always nasty.
The examples you gave should be met with empathy, kindness and compassion.
I'm sorry op but he's not nice and it's not your fault.