Amazing women with rubbish men

[Keeva2017]

I’m not sure what my aibu is.

My sister is just blessed in looks and personality. Objectively she is beautiful and kind and funny and just very popular with everyone.

For all her teen and adult life she has had a normal and healthy approach to relationships and the ending of relationships, although she’s spent years with men who were nice but none of us were surprised when these relationships ended for various reasons - just not right, no faults on either side.

Then 9 months ago she met Tim. Tim talks the good talk, money in the bank, lots of life experiences, very charming. They share lots of interests.

She has fallen head over heels in love with him. The issue is he is clearly in love with his ex. Not only that but they are in contact which he hides from my sister, Carries her Photo in his wallet, has an album in his phone dedicated to her.

My sister is beside herself. But she won’t leave, she barely challenges him in case he leaves her, if he falls out with her she stops eating, functioning at all, just cries until he calls her. He’s just destroyed all of her but she insists she is the happiest she has ever been.

I know it’s her life, il love and support her whatever she does. But why do sane, intelligent women lose their minds over loser men?

Im just broken from seeing my once happy and outgoing sister reduced to this desperate, obsessed person who’s self esteem had fallen through the floor.

And if anyone knows the magic words to break the spell please share them!

Do you think money plays a part?

How do you know that he is in touch with his ex and has pictures of her?

No I don’t think the money plays a part - he had borrowed the best part of a grand from her as his money is tied up in investments- apparently.

Sister found the hidden album when his phone broke and he asked her to sort his old iPhone. She was saving some photos from messages he said he didn’t want to lose and she came across the album.

She found the photo in his wallet when she found other physical photos somewhere and she said she just knew he carried it, checked his wallet and it was there.

He has admitted to seeing ex and messaging her, sister asked to see them to get an idea of the tone and he said he regularly deletes them, and only these. Won’t tell her why.

He says he is neurodivergent so doesn’t really understand why she gets upset. He says he doesn’t feel a lot of empathy, openly likes photos on social media if bikini clad women. Lies about the most bizzare things, had no friends.

But he’s outdoorsy and adventurous and has the gift of the gab. If he was her first bf I’d get it, but it’s like she started out with a healthy attitude and then lost her mind with this guy.