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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Can't decide if I want to commit to someone or stay single

6 replies

Saltedcaramel33 · 26/02/2024 17:09

I've been single for around 3 months after a 4.5 year relationship. I was interested in someone but a couple of weeks ago I found out he wasn't, looking back it was too soon anyway.
I am approaching 33, atm I am a bit lonely, but I have complete control over everything. Relationships are hard work, I've had 3 which each lasted a few years and I've been interested in an array of unsuitable, not good enough men.
I'm obviously at a funny age in terms of having children. When with my ex, I really wanted a child and marriage with him but he didn't, it was largely why we split up.
There are days when I'm out and there are badly behaved kids everywhere. It's largely the parents' fault, but for instance I was in a café and the couple were letting their children run all over the place screaming, running around tables where customers were sitting.
Some days like that I am glad to not have children. Some days as I say I'm lonely, yes I had family and friends but it is not a substitute for an intimate relationship.
Other days I could not imagine living with a man ever again. I wish I were younger and didn't feel the pressure. Any advice?

OP posts:
CheerfulBardo · 26/02/2024 17:12

Well, do you want a child enough to consider having one alone?

Shoxfordian · 26/02/2024 17:13

Really think about what would make you happiest, not what you're supposed to want or what your friends have but what do you want.

Saltedcaramel33 · 26/02/2024 17:14

CheerfulBardo · 26/02/2024 17:12

Well, do you want a child enough to consider having one alone?

Honestly I don't think I could cope alone, financially or practically. If I could pay nannies etc. Then I would, but honestly I'd prefer to do it with a father involved.

OP posts:
Saltedcaramel33 · 26/02/2024 17:15

Shoxfordian · 26/02/2024 17:13

Really think about what would make you happiest, not what you're supposed to want or what your friends have but what do you want.

I ended up liking this man even though it was too soon but I ended up wanting to date him, but otherwise I have no idea, I love the freedom I have but I can't imagine not dating anyone. I really need to decide.

OP posts:
JMSA · 26/02/2024 17:16

Give yourself time ... and yes, you still have it!
I wouldn't want a man who was only 3 months out of a long relationship.
Good luck.

CheerfulBardo · 26/02/2024 17:17

It sounds to me as if you’re panicking yourself into getting back into a relationship you’re not sure you want. Why not take a period of time and decide to stay single till the end of it? You say you ‘can’t imagine not dating’ — how much have you been single in your adult life?

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