To feel this isn’t on?

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Just a quick one:

I’m a line manager and one of the people I manage, texts me at hours including 6am, 8pm and outside of our Monday to Friday 9am and 5pm. This includes when I am on leave. The messages are quite long and rambling, talking about their personal life and how stressed they are feeling and how upset they’re feeling about their recent breakup etc. I have a work phone, so these messages go to my work number. They only have my number to inform me if they can’t log onto their laptop for work.

During a catch up, I mentioned to my manager that I was going to gently have a word with this member of staff to review our communication as I’d hate for them to feel that I’m ignoring them when they’re reaching out but it’s not an appropriate use of my mobile number. He got annoyed with me and raised his voice. He said “how can she message you outside of work, do you not turn your phone off outside of work hours?” I said I do, but ultimately if she’s feeling stressed and wants a response I feel guilty when I later see that I’ve missed her messages. He ultimately thinks I don’t need to mention this to her.

So AIBU here?

Of course you should be telling them that this isn't appropriate. I don't understand why your manager would have a problem with this unless he misunderstood what you meant.

TBH I probably wouldn’t reply and the phone would be switched off. When I saw the colleague in work I’d approach her and say I saw your message this morning when I switched my work phone on and address any issues in work time.

I understand the importance of mental health and wellbeing in the work place, but this applies to manager also. When your on your ‘down time’ it shouldn’t be polluted with work related email/messages. If she was a friend, she would have your personal number.

Your manager shouldn’t be raising his voice at you in any instance, but I do agree that it should be a non issue as the phone should not be switched on outside of office hours.

I would mention it in a caring and supportive manner while getting your point across that it’s not a good way to communicate with you.

ask her is she needs referred to OH for any mental health support, what can you do to support her at work etc. while also letting her know that you switch your phone off and are concerned to see messages when it’s back to work. That you would happily support her and if she needs to share anything with you that you can make adjustments for or support her with then to call you personally and not leave a message because that will ensure you know what she needs from you.

he really struggles with any management action that is remotely going to cause controversy. He thinks this may hurt her feelings. He struggles with other difficult aspects of management and I feel it’s hard for me to be a manager as I doubt I’d have his support!

I think you definitely do need to raise this with the member of staff. rather than 'ignoring'. As manager I would also explore what support could put in place or could be sign posted. Not sure why your manager would have an issue with this, it's hardly controversial.

I think the most supportive thing you can do is to gently remind this person that you haven't seen her messages because your work phone is switched off, and if she is needing support, then she needs to find someone to talk to.
That you cannot do that out of work hours, and you are concerned that they have a support system in place.

Thanks. I think my manager just doesn’t like me having agency, he’s been an absolutely condescending person recently and this is just another example where I can’t quite see what I’m doing to deserve his reactions