Life is so shit

[Dontbesaft]

My very elderly dad died a couple of weeks ago.
It was time but I am sadder than I had thought.

He wanted to die at home. We managed that for 10 days.

Dad wasn’t conscious when I left for a holiday booked 2 years before.

Tricky relationship with my partner of 5 + years. He was willing to spend time with dad but didn’t like it when dad’s needs became paramount.

i had a holiday booked for 2 years in South Asia. Dad was a great traveller, but had never been to this part of the world. He loved to hear about the trip. He made me promise to go on the trip.

we did . Part way through the trip dad did die.

Once I heard my dad had died, my partner he told me he had dumped me.A maximum of one hour later.

I decided not to go home as I had sorted everything except death certificate and funeral slot.

It was horrible but I saw things I might never have seen and he was going to be a shit whatever. Although this is very extreme.

at a loss.

No clues

dad died, long term partner told me as soon as he died (within an hour) he thought my behaviour was such he wanted no more to do with me.

Ok I am re reading this there is some repetition but it my honest posts

Oh my goodness you poor thing, I am so sorry about your dad.

Your partner sounds like an absolute bastard choosing specifically the worst timing.

Wow! What a dick!!
Sounds like he's been planning it tbh
I'm so sorry about your dad and life will get better

That’s horrible, I’m so sorry. Why did your P wait for your dear dad to die before dumping you? What behaviour was he referencing?

That’s one pathetic excuse of a human being! Partner obviously planned to inflict the maximum hurt he could.

As to your dad. It’s surprising how when you know it’s coming - and they’re elderly and their body is just stopping - it hurts so much. It’s partly the (unnecessary) guilt - do I do enough? Should I have done something different? The answer is ‘no’. Dad loved hearing about it, it gave him pleasure and he wanted you still to go. You lit his life. Be proud of that and grateful that you did.

(This is coming from someone whose dad died 20 months ago. It is only in the last few weeks that I can really accept that we did our best for him, and I think he’d be at peace with it. Big hugs and try to understand that your dad’s ok with it all).

First of all, I'm so sorry for the loss of your Dad OP, no one is EVER prepared for the loss of a parent, no matter how much warning we have.

With regard to the break up, does this leave you with any practical difficulties, ie do you have to find somewhere new to live or anything? Do you have any other family to help you through this horrible time? A double whammy such as this would be enough to send most of us reeling, so if you're feeling unable to cope, do make an appointment to see your doctor, as you may need a little support with your mental health for a little while. If all is OK on the practical side of things, then please just look after yourself, and give yourself time to grieve. Life can be SO incredibly tough sometimes, but things really will get better given time, it'll just be hard to see the wood for the trees for a while, but you WILL get through it. Sending a big hug your way.

Honestly, I was on a study abroad when my dad died totally unexpectedly. My sister was due to travel to visit me. Neither of us changed our plans. She said goodbye at the mortuary privately before she left and we toasted him when she arrived.

I think you did what you felt he would want (from your description it sounds like he was probably happy you were traveling and didn’t cancel) and if I were you I wouldn’t give it any more headspace.

As for your partner… fuck him you’re better off without him.

you’re right, most of that really does sound shit, and I’m sorry for your loss. Full disclosure, I have had something similar happen (in one week: dumped by text, didn’t get a promotion I’d been working for, then my mum died unexpectedly) I have felt life is shit, wallowed, despaired, grieved etc and it’s horrible. To try and counter this feeling, I’ve made myself do all kinds of little jobs around the house that I’ve been neglecting. Takes my mind off things and I have something to show for the effort. Not suggesting that’s a solution for you necessarily, but distractions from the grim reality can help.
Make sure you focus on those amazing things you saw, make a photo book as if it’s a present for your dad, cherish the act of reflecting his love and yours for him. And remember, it does change, in time

Sorry for your loss.

Clearly your Ex is not worth your tears.

Silver lining - you are better off without him. Staying with him would have been a life of misery

Thank you all for your kindness and compassion.

i live in my own house. Albeit it he lives next street from him. financially I am ok.

just disbelieving that any human can treat another one else (let alone who they had been close to for 6 years) this callously.

Both his mum and sister died last year. I was with him every step on those journeys.

Re previous difficulties, I now don’t know. Our careers has mirrored each others, though he is a decade older and retired 10 years earlier than me. He may have found it tricky I was a woman with opinions.

I am lost. Despite life throwing zingers at me, as it does at anyone, I have been lucky.

This is a low AND the timing is astonishing. He is a respected professional and one of those who has even been honoured by the monarchy.

Am I mad. Or are are some people not what they seem?

You’re not mad at all. People can change, can have been suppressing aspects of themself, may have been slowly built resentments, none of which are your “fault”. As others say, best to be free of this person if they are capable of such callous behaviour, imagine those traits developing and increasing as you grew older together.
Although it may be hard to see at present, and although this has been brutal, it may have some blessings.

I’m so very sorry this has happened to you. Please don’t waste your headspace trying to understand your ex’s behaviour. It’s absolutely disgusting and that’s really all you need to know. Plenty of well respected, professional people do despicable things.

Your Dad sounds lovely and will have died knowing that you were following your dreams just as he wanted.

Do you have any RL support? You are going through so much. Reach out to any support you have. If you need a listening ear at silly 0’clock or any other time the Samaritans will be there on 116123.

He dumped you one hour after you found out your Dad had died??!!

That is one of the most callous things I have ever read. I'm so sorry OP. What an absolute total dick. I'd egg his house with rotten eggs for that, when you get home.

Tbh, many publications would be very interested in the story, with him having an honour. If it wouldn't professionally affect me, I'd get what he did out there.