To feel guilty about being sad?

[summerlovedream]

Hi

I won’t bore everyone with details and I need to try and keep it confidential but I’ve had a pretty shit time in the past. I don’t go on about it regularly and I live my life as a completely normal person, but certain anniversaries/dates can be a big upsetting. I don’t usually talk about it to my friends because they’re all aware anyway from when it all happened and I try to keep the past in the past. But as friends we usually talk to each other when we’re upset/down/worried etc and I always try to be there for them as much as they need me to be

ive been feeling a bit upset for a week or so about something related to the past, it was brought on by an anniversary. I didn’t bore my friends by telling them I was feeling upset but one noticed I was quieter at usual and I mentioned it was just because of the anniversary. She bluntly told me to ‘put it into perspective because it’s not that big a deal and people across the world are dying right now’.

the thing is, I actually agree with what she said. And ultimately she’s right; there are much bigger issues in the world than this. But I still feel so upset/down about the original issue, but now on top of that I feel really guilty and sort of uneasy with myself for feeling like that, because some people are suffering much more. I just feel so horrible and guilty now, I don’t even know how to explain it but it’s such a shitty feeling

I know she was only trying to help and she didn’t mean to upset me, but it’s sort of been niggling at the back of my mind and I’ve been feeling horrible ever since 😞

Sorry my question isn’t even clear in my OP and I’m not even sure myself what I’m asking. I just feel so guilty and uneasy with myself now for feeling down because other people across the world are suffering much much more x

Other people's suffering does not negate your own, whenever it happened and that was a SHITTY thing for your friend to say. Massively shitty.

Your problems are very real to you, and you are not at all wrong to ask for and need comforting! Your friend was wrong (unless in her own way she thought she was comforting you with the whole "put it in perspective" thing).

She wasn’t trying to help, and it sounds like she did intend to upset you - or at the very least, didn’t care if she did.

Your friend has been nasty and harsh. She’s not a friend. I’m sorry OP. Your feelings are valid.

Why are you trying to squish your emotional needs like that OP? There will always be people worse off than you are. That doesn't mean you're not allowed to feel sad.

You feel horrible because your friend was horrible to you. She wasn't trying to help at all.

You're allowed to feel sad Not acknowledging those feelings doesn't do any good in the long run.

I'd swerve that friend tbh when a sad anniversary comes up if you don't want to have it out with her.

It's ok to be upset. It's not like being upset is a finite resource. Yes people are suffering all over the world but it doesn't mean you can't be upset over your anniversary of your event.

You don't say what the event is but if you personally feel you aren't coping and the anniversaries are particular triggers for you then have you considered counselling to help you process your feelings?

Your friend said an awful thing, I'm sorry you didn't get the support you should have had.

Upsetting events from the past can upset us at any time, it's quite normal.

Have you tried counselling, journalling or speaking to a confidential service like Samaritans? All these could help you.