To take son out of school

[Crispymandm]

Hi all, really need advice here.

my son is in year 6, youngest in the class and has a stoma and hyper mobility.

Last Wednesday as he should have being arriving home I saw him walking up the path with two officers covered in blood.

The officers had thankfully seen my son just after he had being assaulted by a boy in his class on his way home, this boy had first kicked my son twice in the face while in class. He had not owned up to it as it was under the table and my son couldn’t tell which child it was. My son was then told who it was, then as he was leaving he asked him why he had kicked him in his eyes.
my son was then suddenly slapped in the face and headbutted with serious force with the other boys hands around his head.

my son has a bust nose and lip a blackened eye and chipped tooth.

the officers had never seen anything like this from a 10 year old and went to his house. They said although the boys parents were mortified the boy showed no remorse. They wanted to prosecute but the superior has decided on a referral to social services and the youth justice team.

the police went into school and then called me to say the school were unsupportive of there recommendation to permanent exclude and also said my son couldn’t have been in too much distress after the kicks to the face as he didn’t take an ice pack when offered.

I have a meeting with the school tomorrow morning as the boy has only been suspended for a week. My problem is my son is extremely scared of being anywhere near him and this boy was suspended last month for two weeks for another sudden unprovoked attack on a boy which the teachers said was “the worst the school had ever seen”.

the school said they “don’t want to ruin the other boys future” and have missed my son in class. I said both me and my son don’t feel safe with him near my son or other pupils as he uses extreme violence for one so young and is unpredictable and unprovoked with it.

Of course I do feel this lad needs help but my primary concern and responsibility is being a voice for my son who has being teary all weekend which is so unlike him.

The police and doctors have said this level of force could have killed my son.

Tonight he had a panic attack. He couldn’t breathe but could in his own words.

what on earth do I do? Aibu to think my only option is to remove him from school?

Keep all the medical reports and insist that you want to charge the boy with the head butting.
The school should be much more protective and proactively seeking out ways for your son to not encounter the abuser.

The boy's parents should be offering to pay for repairs to your son's tooth and for counselling at the very least. If I were his parents he would be selling his favourite computer games and be paying for the dentist bills himself.

Your son is lucky to be alive.

Protect your son first and then go after the school until they put the needs of the victim over the future of a dangerous bully. The school is not actually helping the bully as he sounds like he needs urgent and a lot of intervention before he reaches the age of criminal liability and does worse.

Counselling isn't used for PTSD and they wouldn't be able to diagnose/treat PTSD so soon after an incident and while all of this is on going. The panic attack is a normal reaction to a traumatic incident and the focus needs to be in actual physical safety and stability.

the school said they “don’t want to ruin the other boys future” and have missed my son in class
We've had same in past, strange they never seem to care about the future of the child who's been assaulted.

School are completely failing your child, so no yanbu.

Are you in a position to home school until a place elsewhere comes up? It'll be a hard last six months at school being so new but it'll be better than this.

The next concern is secondary school and who's going where

I'm not sure how safe I'd feel approaching the parents of a child with such unpredictable violent outbursts. Of course he may not have learnt it at home, or it not be manifested as a response to trauma but....

@Crispymandm Hope it goes well at school. And im sorry your boy went through such a horrible thing.
I do think you need to be careful that he now doesn’t hear the phone calls or be part of the meetings which focus on the attack. This will only reinforce the trauma for him and perhaps make it too much of a focus.
Similarly, please don’t take him to the Dr and medicalise a normal reaction to his trauma. A one-off panic attack is okay following a nasty scare. His reactions are normal and nothing to be scared of or treated. He doesn’t need CAHMS or counselling or anything other than to feel safe. And this should be the focus which the adults deal with away from him. He needs to be able to express his feelings and not worry that they will upset you, even when they do… he needs people to be calm and not overreact. He doesn’t need to hear he could have died etc so please be mindful of what is spoken about near him and how much attention this is given.

The issue you have is that it’s easier for the school to prioritise the offender than exclude him. Ironically by failing to ensure that the violent child is subject to meaningful sanctions that he doesn’t like ,it seems to me that they are indeed ruining his future as he’ll likely end up in prison.

You need to make yourself even more of a pain for the school. Recorded delivery letter from you or a lawyer in formal terms setting out the facts in unemotional terms with photos of injuries, details medical treatment, police comment about risk to life. Then bald statement that the school have a legal duty to safeguard your child including his mental well-being. Then statement of what you want eg constant one to one supervision of the child, moving him to different class etc. - whatever you can think of. Then statement that any failure to prioritise the safety of your and other children will be met by legal action.

Then speak to as many other parents as you can , perhaps press etc.
Ridiculous, but given reluctance of local authorities to spend money on alternative provision for disturbed children and lack of teaching staff and child mental health services, parents who prioritise their children are having to take extreme measures. Speak to one of the bullying charities for better advice.

I totally agree - also a teacher and try to give schools the benefit of the doubt. But not in this case. If this were the first time, that would be one thing, but it’s not. The violent child is learning that there are no real consequences to his actions, so he’ll do it again and is not getting the help he clearly needs, and the other children in the school are at risk. It’s also completely unreasonable for them to expect your son to just put up with being in the same classroom as someone who has so viciously attacked him.

How was your meeting @Crispymandm

Jeez. Call the inclusion team. Don't send your child into school until this is a resolved. Don't call him in sick either.

This is an outrageous response from the school

Is it not possible to charge the child in this case? Independent from school. I would demand the school keep this child separated from him at all times. They have a duty of care. He is too violent for a school they are not keeping the other children safe from him he’s already attacked them on different occasions this is not a first offence. Have you put in an official complaint to the school raising safeguarding quote there own bullying policy back at them in complaint letter write to ofstead too with copy of complaint letter and police report incident number.