To wish DH was stricter?

[Springcallingnow]

DH is lovely. But he isn’t firm at all. He uses bribery to get cooperation which doesn’t work as children just expect chocolate for really basic things. As a result I feel like I’m bad cop. Or is that how it is in most families?

Nope, opposite here - I think DH is too strict, or at least he was. Would get shouty and say stupid things he had no intention of following through with like ‘If you don’t tidy your room I’ll throw all your toys away!’ Thankfully he soon realised that this was not the way to be.

I'm team bribery all the way.

Good cop, bad cop in our house. Dh was far too lenient with ds and it was always me doing the discipline and holding him to account. It was horrible and has affected my relationship with ds.

Bribery (encouragement and reward) and distraction is preferable at younger ages.

But they also need to learn boundaries, acceptable behaviour and consistent consequences as they develop.

dh followed my lead which was good in some ways, but it meant it was always on me think through and set the boundaries and dc knew it.

I feel like this

Bribery has it's place.

Can be overdone though. Sounds like you and he are not on the same page which is more of an issue.

I'm a big fan of bribery.

I am typically the strict one and DH didn't used to get involved. Worked fine with DD17 cos she was easy going and not much trouble.

DS11 is a different ball game altogether. One day I just lost it at DH and said "you need to step up here, cos im doing all the disciplining" and since that day he's been a lot better.

How often? When bribery is being used to get the child to stand still to get dressed, get in the car seat etc it’s not great. But maybe I’m wrong.

Sigh. We had a similar situation - although sweets instead of chocolate. I tried to stop it. He only stopped when youngest DC needed a filling. It's really tiring

Personally, I think there are approaches other than either "being strict" or resorting to bribery.

What's your approach to getting these things done, OP?

I can't say I ever bribed, apart from at the barbers when ds wouldn't sit still in the chair and I had to feed him chocolate buttons. Never did bribery at other times. Dh would buy him maltesers though.

Both parents need to be on the same page. It's unfair for one to take the easy route and leave the other one to take responsibility for proper discipline. It's lazy and uncaring.

I bribed with stickers.

Twelve stickers got a (small as possible) chocolate.

To be fair, they actually really liked the stickers.

A modern version is pebbles in a jar and then a treat when the jar is full.