Aibu to realise its not me

[Bitsiemcgee]

I was talking to someone I love earlier and they were accusing me of things I haven't done or intended and instead of arguing back and defending myself, I was incredibly proud of myself as I stayed calm, rational and composed and haven't let it upset me like it usually would. I've been having therapy lately and it was the first sign I've had that it's working so I'm really pleased

To clarify, this person is very stressed at the moment but in a situation of their own choosing and they see normal questions as pressure and expect me to be a mind reader when they aren't clear. Nothing catastrophic

I'm not happy with the discussion but I'm very pleased that it was like an epiphany of oh, I'm actually not doing anything wrong, the issue is entirely yours and I'll talk to you when you're ready as I've never been able to react so refreshingly calm before or immediately compelled to try and fix everything to feel ok. It sounds so simple but when you haven't experienced it before, it feels really great. Has anyone had this experience, post therapy even, and how did it feel?

Aibu to sing the praises of therapy

Well done you - firstly for getting help through therapy and secondly for applying it. Remember this feeling next time you are getting sucked into that kind of situation. I used to try to take on all the world’s problems till someone taught me the mantra - ‘not my circus, not my monkeys’.

One of the most helpful things I ever discovered was my right to, and the power of, silence when under attack. When a person is ranting at you, your responses are their fuel. Its really important to remember you have the right not to engage and to feel confident in saying so. I will now say 'I have nothing to say at the moment' and will only respond or engage when I'm ready. (Obviously it's risky if you have reason to fear the person, but that's a different discussion.)

Thank you. It sounds a bit silly written down, but as a skill I've never had before, it feels very new!

It's very liberating. I used to be the same, but something in me snapped one day and I just didn't have the energy to defend/argue back. I was just cool and explained in a very dulcet tone that I didn't appreciate the argument or shouting, I'm going to take myself away until everything's calmed down and you're ready to speak to not shout and I just walked off.

Liberating is definitely the word. Well done to you too. Today it was one of those moments where it was so clear to me that I'd done nothing wrong. They were saying I was pressuring them and pushing their boundaries etc and I just thought actually no, I've asked you a perfectly reasonable question, accepted your answer and am not a mind reader of things you don't tell me about