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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think people are getting scruffier?

392 replies

HomeIsHardToFind · 25/02/2024 14:27

I am currently house hunting, I have been in a lot of properties recently and to be honest I have been shocked by the state of them!
They look fine in the estate agents photos but when you get there it's a different story.....plates and bowls piled up in the sink, crumbs all over work surfaces, disgusting ovens and urine stains/smells in the loo!
My 'favourite' was the house that had holes punched in the doors of every room (double checked the agents pics and they definitely didn't exist at the time they were taken!).
I get it, I can clean if we bought the house etc, but if you are selling your biggest asset and you want the most amount of money possible surely you make it look the best it can for viewings? I feel like I've stepped into an alternative universe at the moment!
I have also noticed that many more people out and about stink. Not just a bit of a pong or like they have a manual job and haven't showered for 24 hours but full on makes me dry heave absolutely stink!!
I put some fuel in the car this morning and the 'gentleman' that came into the garage as I was leaving smelled rancid, it must have been days and days since he had washed🤢 I could smell him outside in the fresh air!
Maybe I'm getting on (I don't think so, only early 40's!!) but I seem to remember people having more pride in themselves, their home and their families (don't get me started on some of the poor kids I've seen with such greasy hair it looks like it's been stuck to their head with chip oil☹️).
Sometimes I wonder if its COL biting but then I think about people I've known that grew up in the 60's and 70's that were dirt poor taking pride in how clean their mothers managed to keep them with nothing but soap and hot water, so I think the only difference is that the pride has gone?
Has anyone else noticed this or am I just unluckily surrounded by scruffy buggers?!

OP posts:
TeenLifeMum · 25/02/2024 18:08

For house selling I’d assume 1 of 3 scenarios:

  1. Tenants (Landlord selling while tenants are still in the home with no desire to move)
  2. owner doesn’t really want to move - divorcing/mortgage arrears etc
  3. mh issues/depression

I got home with dd1 later on Friday after a long drive so we went to McDonald’s at 10pm and the clientele was “interesting”. Never seen so many people in pjs and looking properly grubby.

Those saying “don’t judge” are totally oblivious to human nature. Of course people judge you, all the bloody time but on mn we pretend that’s frowned upon.

DaisysChains · 25/02/2024 18:09

Well at the risk of being pilloried Sad

I will hold hands up to being one of these scruffier, smellier people Blush

And it’s from before Covid & COL although of course the COL thing atm isn’t helping

I was traumatised by DA and undressing at all much less getting fully naked for a shower was so so difficult

During bad times it still is but I try to stay indoors then

Having older relatives living alone and/or with limited heating I empathise with them greatly

I currently only know one person with physical disabilities and they have carers to help but I can imagine the strain on someone coping alone, or caring for another where extra washing may be needed

I understand how my difficulties may impact on others (hence avoiding leaving the house) but like many I do the best I can, and have hope that I can continue to get better

Dweetfidilove · 25/02/2024 18:11

You are not wrong, OP. I had to move seats in Costa last week, because the couple next to me were rancid.

I don’t think it’s just a COL issue either, but a general pride in out-scruffing… 2 days on MN and you’ll see the competitive scruffiness - no showering/ dressing/ cleaning etc ☹️.

Newchapterbeckons · 25/02/2024 18:17

Poor mental heath mostly.
Struggling to cope for other reasons.

I don’t judge people, no one wants to be unwashed and living in squalor.

cookingwithabigail · 25/02/2024 18:22

Some of the houses that I go to are really bad, especially the kitchen sinks for some reason. Filled with dishes, cold water, grease, scum, mysterious black slime and washing up brush/scrubby which should be sent to the toxic waste disposal. How these people are still alive is beyond me. Most dishcloths can go through the washing machine, so why do people have them when they're grey and stiff with grease and antibac spray is £1.50 or you can dilute washing up liquid with water and use that for surfaces.

Even if you're busy or fed up you can still keep sinks, toilets, showers reasonably clean and hygienic.

Slanketblanket · 25/02/2024 18:23

I've noticed this and I do wonder if something changed in deodorant (specifically spray) post Brexit. My dh's deodorant suddenly became completely useless and he was sweating through clothes. He switched to a roll on of a different brand and he's back to normal.

LondonJax · 25/02/2024 18:23

I do think some of the issues around cleanliness is to do with depression but also sometimes a lack of knowledge.

Like @DontWasteMyTime I was brought up in what you would term as real poverty, in the 1960s/early 1970s in my case.

The difference between then and now is that those who had a bit more in a community didn't have a LOT more. 'They' may have had central heating or an indoor loo, neither of which we had along with no hot water tap nor any form of heating in the bedrooms. But they still only had a holiday at the coast for a week. Not a three week trip to Disneyworld or whatever. And we also had a week to the seaside if mum or dad got a bonus or saved a bit.

And, without social media, we barely knew about what they had. Depression existed, of course it did, but everyone was in the same boat so you didn't see an insurmountable mountain to climb all the time.

Most of my friends lived the same way as we did so we knew no better. When everyone is living the same way you assume that's normal. Which is why you often hear older people saying 'but we were happy' - looking back I have no idea how we could have been happy but I don't look back at my childhood and feel hard done by.

We had clean clothes every day. Sometimes we'd wear something, air it for a few days then re wear it because we didn't get sweaty like adults. Underwear was fresh on every day without fail. Dad shone our shoes every Sunday evening.

Mum and Dad would often hand washed their blouses or shirts at night, pop them on the fireguard and get them dry in between full laundry wash. Laundry day was always on a Saturday as both mum and dad worked full time - as did most of my friends parents, both wages were needed to keep the wolf from the door so, like today, they were short on time.

But another key thing missing nowadays is that we were also taught domestic science (as they called it) at school. That involved hand washing clothes, scrubbing the collar, armpits and cuffs of a blouse or shirt to get it clean, as well as polishing or cleaning furniture, budgeting and cooking. And yes, even in the 1970s, the boys in my class were taught the same.

I don't know of many schools that even do cookery lessons now and even DS's school (which does for just 6 weeks a year), they certainly don't teach laundry or how to clean things etc. The assumption is everyone has a washing machine. Which is fine, until you don't have a washing machine or the oven breaks down or the microwave goes on the blink.

Lamelie · 25/02/2024 18:25

Hoglet70 · 25/02/2024 14:31

It's like 10p for a bar of Tesco Value soap so I doubt it's COL.

But you need hot water and time to use it!

Janetime · 25/02/2024 18:25

Dweetfidilove · 25/02/2024 18:11

You are not wrong, OP. I had to move seats in Costa last week, because the couple next to me were rancid.

I don’t think it’s just a COL issue either, but a general pride in out-scruffing… 2 days on MN and you’ll see the competitive scruffiness - no showering/ dressing/ cleaning etc ☹️.

I see that on here too. If your home is clean and tidy, it’s a show house and not a home. It means something is wrong in your life. Or soon will be.

If you shower daily, you’re wasting good water. Using any form of soap will bring you out in hives and ruin your fanny.

If you change your bed linen weekly you’re bordering on having ocd. Same as if you have the temerity to wash your towels.

People wear pyjamas and dressing gown for full weekends, and don’t get dressed. They go to the shops in them.

And then people get abused for doing the basics above . Like you are some form of weirdo if you shower and live in a clean and tidy home.

Janetime · 25/02/2024 18:26

Lamelie · 25/02/2024 18:25

But you need hot water and time to use it!

Everyone has time to wash. It takes 5 mins.

OriginalFloorboards · 25/02/2024 18:27

Don’t stand behind me at Tesco - I’m an equestrian and have likely been riding and mucking out!

imtryingtoleave · 25/02/2024 18:28

i gave up smoking 2 yrs ago and my sense of smell has come back and it s so acute and is like when i was pregnant

i really hate it anything sightly wiffy is magnified 500% i really can't stand it
the other day on the bus all i could smell was dog but no dog on the bus so obviously someone that lives with one

so im just picking any strong or in my case weak smell up,i wish my sense of smell had never come back,i now where a scarf out so bury my nose in when out and about

bringmorewashing · 25/02/2024 18:29

I am one of those people with the boring, clean house and kitchen with empty surfaces etc, and I have noticed a lot of almost reverse snobbery about it. People make out you must be dull and uptight, or say you should be playing with your kids and "making memories" etc instead of dusting. I don't think it's either/or personally. And who wants to "make memories" of living in a mess? It is important IMO as when I have let things slide it negatively affects my MH. Appreciate not everyone is as bothered. But some people do seem.proud of the "can't be bothered" attitude and going to the other extreme!

HomeIsHardToFind · 25/02/2024 18:33

OriginalFloorboards · 25/02/2024 18:27

Don’t stand behind me at Tesco - I’m an equestrian and have likely been riding and mucking out!

And? I have ridden all my life....my daughter now rides.
There is a huge difference between smelling because of your hobby/job and smelling because you no longer wash 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Dweetfidilove · 25/02/2024 18:34

Janetime · 25/02/2024 18:25

I see that on here too. If your home is clean and tidy, it’s a show house and not a home. It means something is wrong in your life. Or soon will be.

If you shower daily, you’re wasting good water. Using any form of soap will bring you out in hives and ruin your fanny.

If you change your bed linen weekly you’re bordering on having ocd. Same as if you have the temerity to wash your towels.

People wear pyjamas and dressing gown for full weekends, and don’t get dressed. They go to the shops in them.

And then people get abused for doing the basics above . Like you are some form of weirdo if you shower and live in a clean and tidy home.

Exactly this! I don't understand most of the madness at all.

bombastix · 25/02/2024 18:38

Holes in the wall; domestic violence. Very grim. I would feel sorry for the people living there. Same with messed up kitchens, ripped out light fittings. A good number of domestic abusers trash where they live as well as abusing the other people who live with them.

Butterdishy · 25/02/2024 18:40

Janetime · 25/02/2024 18:26

Everyone has time to wash. It takes 5 mins.

Plus time to load the meter, to heat the water, a way to dry the towel, clean clothes to put on afterwards, money for deodorant. Not saying it's impossible, but throw in a bit of depression it becomes an uphill battle.

Mouk · 25/02/2024 18:43

One of my neighbours reeks of BO. Her house is immaculate but her personal hygiene is deplorable.

ScierraDoll · 25/02/2024 18:53

All this stuff about people being too poor to wash clothes or bathe is bollocks.
I grew up in a very poor household, we always washed and had clean clothes.
Not only are people dirtier but we are much scruffier as well. I travel to France a lot on Eurostar and generally speaking you can tell the Brits from the French by the sheer lack of effort we put into getting dressed.
So YANBU

PawsisShady · 25/02/2024 19:00

I think it's a combination of things

Quick shower with shower gel, not able to dry clothes adequately, washing on a lower temp, maybe using a "natural" type deo, not knowing how to get sweat smells out of clothes, fabric conditioner holds sweat smell in etc

I smell nice Grin but it takes - showering with actual soap and scrubbing, laundry sanitiser for sweaty armpits in clothes, a decent antiperspirant (which is £20 for 6 on Amazon and out of some people's budget) applied at night, and using bio washing powder

WittyMotherhoodRelatedPun · 25/02/2024 19:02

Good point about shower gel @PawsisShady , I find it just doesn’t do rhe job.

godmum56 · 25/02/2024 19:03

I don't think the house thing is new. Last time I househunted was early 80's and before that mid 70's and both times about half the houses we looked at were off puttingly dirty or smelly. Both times we were looking at nice areas and not looking for fixer up houses. None of the people in the houses were tenants. There weren't online sites like Primelocation then, it was all printed stuff from EAs and a couple of pictures if you were lucky

K0OLA1D · 25/02/2024 19:04

WittyMotherhoodRelatedPun · 25/02/2024 19:02

Good point about shower gel @PawsisShady , I find it just doesn’t do rhe job.

I never use anything other than shower gel and shampoo. Shower every other day and never get sweat smells on my clothes. Why wouldn't shower gel work? Dove is my go to

crackofdoom · 25/02/2024 19:04

In addition to what everyone upthread has said, it has been raining (nearly) constantly for over 6 months. Makes drying clothes really difficult if you don't have a tumble dryer. Some of my washing gets that musty smell sometimes, and it's horrible.

PawsisShady · 25/02/2024 19:06

WittyMotherhoodRelatedPun · 25/02/2024 19:02

Good point about shower gel @PawsisShady , I find it just doesn’t do rhe job.

I work with a guy who has the worst stinky feet and was moaning about it (wasn't randomly giving advice to him!)
I said - have you tried soap or hibiscrub, making sure your feet are totally dry, using maybe an antibacterial foot powder or spray, clean 100% cotton socks and alternate your shoes so you're not wearing the same every day?

Him "the shower gel runs down when I shower"

Give. Me. Strength

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