To argue that my life isn't shit

[TheBuddhaNot]

Yesterday I was telling a friend about someone I know who is going through hell, and the friend (who in fairness can be blunt) said "listening to that must have made you feel like your life isn't so shit". She put an emphaisis on the 'your', so she didn't mean 'one's life', iykwim. I said "I think my life is quite nice!" and she looked at me funny and kind of shrugged her shoulders.
Now, my life is far from perfect. My long term relationship isn't exactly with my soulmate, and I have had a few struggles and have a lot of duty to older parents as an only child. And I have lots of lovely anxiety to cope with. But I have a lovely home and my partner is kind and solid, and we have nice days out and holidays and I love my job, and love going for coffees and nature walks and all that carry on. But I feel weirdly hurt that a friend would be looking at my life as shit. I guess I am not asking the internet to tell me whether my life is shit, but just for some general thoughts on this. Would you be hurt? Do I sound like I am in denial??

Your friend sounds like she was being a bitch, tbh.

Depends what their side is I guess. Do you moan about your relationship and parents to this friend a lot?

Altho it was very rude of them to say this!

Your friend wasn’t being a friend. It was an outright criticism. She wanted to attack you. What’s her life like? What could motivate her to want to undermine you?

I wouldn’t be in a hurry to spend any time or energy on that person again.

I was going to ask the same thing - Is this a friend you offload onto a lot? There's nothing wrong with having a friend who's a willing sounding board, but are you giving the impression that you're unhappy with your lot? If not, then definitely rude and a mean thing for her to say.

People are weird, honestly. I have cancer which is, frankly, shit but I still have a very nice life I think. Some people act as if it’s the worst thing that could possibly have happened to me and I just think jeez, some people really have no imagination!

At the end of the day it’s your life and if you’re pretty happy that’s all that matters.

@TheBuddhaNot

It's depends on your friend tone and context of what the way she said it

and i suspose nowadays is she on the spectrum too or not?

Your friends sounds jealous.

I’d be taking a massive step back.

Depends. If you offload to her a lot, she may have the perception that you think your life is shit. It isn't necessarily a judgement coming from her.

This would have angered me and I’d be annoyed for not asking exactly what she meant by that - but only after the event when I’d had time to think about it properly.

But genuinely what a horrible thing to say. I cannot stand blunt people. At the end of the day as long as you have a life you enjoy a good percentage of the time then that’s all that matters.

Thanks everyone, that’s very helpful on all fronts. I wouldn’t be a huge offloader but I guess I wouldn’t be very good at plugging myself if you know what I mean. Like I can be a bit too “look at at my hair, it’s horrible isn’t it”, and that maybe gives carte Blanche to some people.

i am not mad on blunt people either @alliwanted , I sometimes think that “I speak as I find” thing is just an excuse not to employ any sensitivity. She definitely is not a venomous person but can maybe be a bit dismissive of me sometimes.

@WittyMotherhoodRelatedPun yep isn’t it funny. Quality of life is so subjective. Like, I look at mega rich people (from a distance…) and think some of their lives must be a bit shit as they often have no true purpose. And I’m willing to guess they wouldn’t really envy my life 😊. Hope everything works out with your health.

I suspect your friend worded it quite clumsily. Caring for elderly parents on your own and being in a relationship that you're just plodding along in does sound pretty shit. That doesn't mean your whole life is shit.

It sounds like you've been very open with your friend about how hard you're finding things in your relationship and with your parents and have probably spoken more about the negatives in your life than your exciting career that you love and your passion for hiking. It's as though "my life is shit" is the message she's got from you so she's just made the passing comment in reference to that.

Either that or she's a massive bitch who puts you down to make herself feel better.