To abstain from all sexual intimacy while dealing with medical condition.

[OhioTrish1978]

I was diagnosed with adenomyosis about 1 year ago and have had 3 bouts of surgery. This has lead to severe fatigue and often pain. My DH works in the city and I’m a stay at home mum to 2 DC, 5&7 yo. My DH works FT and helps with cooking, cleaning, DC etc so no complaints in that dept. However he is constantly “joking” about intimacy or lack of it and it is driving me in the opposite direction. I don’t think DH quite understands my mental wellbeing on this matter. AIBU to abstain completely until current medical condition is contained (could be many more months)?

YANBU but you need to communicate this with him.

He needs to understand the extent of your fatigue.

If you can’t/don’t want to have sex then of course don’t, but tell him why it’s off the table at the moment and make it clear that it’s temporary. I know my DP really values intimacy and would be very sad to know if I found the thought of sex with him unpleasant.

Can you be intimate in other ways aa a work around and communicate with him?
I think people are all or nothing with intimacy. There are other intimate things that can be done.

My DH would be satisfied with foreplay only but even that is too much for me. It’s not that I don’t want to but just find the whole subject tiresome and overwhelming atm. I’ve explained many times but not sure the message gets through.

I think this is a really difficult one.

You are absolutely within your rights to abstain from any and all sexual activity if you want to.

However I can understand your DH also if there is no intimacy at all. You have said yourself that it could be many months before these health issues might be sorted. Do you not even want to kiss and cuddle him? Intimacy takes many forms, but with nothing at all you're just housemates.

I think there is a compromise to be had here, and open communication is so important. From your post he does actually sound pretty understanding

My DH would be satisfied with foreplay only but even that is too much for me. It’s not that I don’t want to but just find the whole subject tiresome and overwhelming atm. I’ve explained many times but not sure the message gets through.

If you're having to explain multiple times and he doesn't get it, I wonder if you even have the chance to think about if you fancy him. Constant pain and having to fend him off. I think that kills whatever desire you actually have dead.

If he left you entirely alone, I suspect you would find out if you want him again.