Newborn feeding, DP OCD?

28 replies

newtiredmumma · 24/02/2024 23:50

NC'd for this. Am I the one being unreasonable here? DP has some very strong opinions; glass bottles only not plastic, no dummy, against formula and only wants BF for at least approx 6 months, general OCD for hygiene (doesn't like baby being held even by family and close friends, constantly questioning hand washing etc).

I have been EBF newborn however due to having some pain after the feeding all day and baby having weight issues early on I am now giving 1-2 formula feeds a day to top up which DP doesn't particularly like. I bought a manual breast pump and expressed enough to take a bottle with us when we were going out, but because he hadn't washed and sterilised the new pump and bottle I used he tipped the BM down the sink and said he didn't trust me doing it. I'd washed and sterilised it all myself and was actually organised for our few hours out, I clearly have my DC as my top priority and wouldn't risk them becoming ill so it turned into a huge argument. Finding it all very overwhelming with DPs wishes and constant questioning along with being a new mum. Not sure what I'm really asking but feeling the need to rant!

OP posts:

Changeusernameseeusernamehistory · 25/02/2024 00:29

Callmemummynotmaaa · 25/02/2024 00:11

Op. Some perinatal mental health teams will see new dads and take self referrals, and many IAPT/primary care talking therapies will prioritize postnatal care. If not previously controlling (and taking it from your own posts that you’re describing him as highly anxious), I’d be asking him if he’d seek urgent help. It may be his baby - but as you say it’s also your child and your body and seems like he can’t process that right now. Sounds really tough for you. Have you anyone in really life you can talk to about how he is being? I can imagine it’s putting you under huge pressure as a new mom. YANBU.

This. Both you and your partner would be prioritised by IAPT/Talking therapies until your child reaches 1. He needs to seek help

Original poster

newtiredmumma · 25/02/2024 00:29

Letsgocamping67 · 25/02/2024 00:22

Sounds really tough. Have you got support. Can you get his and your mum’s on board to help. Sorry if you can’t get help. Sisters ?

No one really to talk to in RL. My mum is ill with dementia so not sure she even remembers me having had the baby, his mum and sister are the other end of the country and their relationship is rocky already and I have brothers. Really appreciate the advice on MN though

OP posts:

whatsitcalledwhen · 25/02/2024 14:38

Gosh you've been through so very much recently OP and it must be so hard and upsetting that your mum's diagnosis means you can't lean on her in the way you'd like to.

I really hope that you can speak to your health visitor asap and ask for some support to educate your partner so that he can hear from an expert that he is anything but, and that his behaviour is selfish and damaging.

Whether it's fuelled by nastiness or OCD, it is not your burden to bear and you don't need to tolerate it.

Him pouring your breast milk away was one of the most upsetting things I've read on here.

Really hope you can get some IRL support soon but lots of us are here for you virtually too

Flip

1 2