He's buying a house in another country. AIBU?

[Ana25]

I've been dating a man for a short time, 4 months, but it's going very well so far. I'm 32, he's 31, and we've expressed a desire to marry and have children (in general life terms)

I own my own home and he rents. Due to his work, which has involved a lot of moving around, he is often based on city jobs including at the moment. His current contract is in a UK city for 3 years.

But he grew up rurally in another European country and prefers countryside. So he told me quite early on he was planning to buy a holiday home in his home country this year, where he could work remotely sometimes and has suggested I could also do this if we keep dating (my job is mostly remote). The house is half the price of what I paid in the UK but very spacious.

The thing is - if we get serious and actually want to have kids etc how does it make sense for him to have bought a home in another country? Does he just want to rent forever here? It's far too early for me to give my 2 cents but would you also be thinking, hang on a minute, this seems very odd...

@PingvsPong he's been here for 4 years. How long do you need to be here before residency?

I hadn't thought of that. Seems obvious now!

But I'd rather start from a point where we are both open minded and not set on a place

As long as that place is your place? 🤨

He said it's a holiday home. I don't see the problem. If he's travelling often, and maybe changing cities, I can see why he hasn't bought in the UK yet. When you date an immigrant, there is baggage that comes with it. I myself am an immigrant from Europe. My (British) DH has to accept a lot of travel in his life to see my family, lots of visits from.abroad as well, our kids having slightly foreign names and speaking a second language. None of them are bad things of course, and my DH has embraced my culture, but it does make life a bit more complicated. Oh, and I also dream about buying a holiday home in my home country....doesn't mean I'll run back there with my kids ever.

@Ana25 it takes 5 years to get permanent residency/ILR. I did not need that for a mortgage by the way, just a history of employment for 3 years. The rules in the UK are actually very friendly to immigrants looking to buy property.

The legal landscape is friendly but lenders aren't.
I bought when I'd been on a work visa for 3 years, with British DH, a few years ago. Only TWO lenders would even consider us. After going to several brokers, ordinary, specialist etc.
Both high street banks. It was a blanket no to any borrower on a visa and with less than 25% deposit for the rest of them. Even on a joint mortgage.

I was shocked, I thought being married to a British citizen would give us more choice as he'd be on the hook if I got deported or whatever it is they were afraid off. Apparently not. Our deposit was 15%, big enough and the property cheap enough that either one of us could have covered it on our own. Still nope.

Well we went with one of those lenders, the rate wasn't the lowest (obviously) but not too bad. Good thing we did as rates shot up last year.

@PingvsPong I bought in September 2021 so less than 3 years ago and had no issues, I had access to all the mortgages like everyone else, before I got my permanent residence and after that citizenship. On my own as well, I wasn't married yet. The type of visa may have been an issue for you, I don't know.