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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH sulking.... AIBU?

40 replies

kokomilan · 24/02/2024 20:24

DH has a hobby who goes to three days a week when the children are at nursery. Today he said he wants to add a Sunday as more people attend on weekends it's more social. However, I think this is excessive and meant I am left with both children half of the day. Which should be fine if it's unavoidable, or it's the only day he can do it. I said as much and he thinks IABU as he does look after the children between nursery and my return home (which is always in time for bath and bed) from work the one/two days I work from office. I feel that I can't avoid commuting time but he can avoid a fourth day for a hobby and not sacrifice family time as the weekends are the only time all of us spend meaningful time together. He's sulking now and not talking to me. AIBU?

OP posts:
Niknakk · 24/02/2024 20:29

Considering the other times he goes doesn't affect anyone I don't see the issue.

carelesser · 24/02/2024 20:33

YANBU. When do you get time for hobbies 4 times a week?!

nutbrownhare15 · 24/02/2024 20:33

Id say he can go every other weekend and you get an equivalent amount of time to yourself on the other weekend. I'd also ask for his input into ensuring that the rest of the weekend is quality family time.

IncognitoUsername · 24/02/2024 20:34

What hobby is he doing 4 times a week? How much time each day?

Nellieinthebarn · 24/02/2024 20:34

Every Sunday, every weekend is unreasonable. When do you do get you get to do your hobby, completely childfree?

Galeforcewindatmywindow · 24/02/2024 20:35

Surely never a justification for an adult sulking?

Thementalloadisreal · 24/02/2024 20:35

Get yourself a 4x a week hobby too

Luckyducky123 · 24/02/2024 20:37

What is his hobby, just out of interest?

Sunshineclouds11 · 24/02/2024 20:38

Niknakk · 24/02/2024 20:29

Considering the other times he goes doesn't affect anyone I don't see the issue.

Agree

kokomilan · 24/02/2024 20:41

I mean, he says he would accommodate me if I wanted to do the same. But how does the math work there? Something had to give. I also have a much more stressful job and responsibilities that means I sometimes have to work evenings.
He actually told me that I need to be more energised as he finds that attractive and have things to do. Before you come at me, let me paint you a picture: we have two children under three. I work two jobs and therefore am the main earner and have been doing an upgrade paper for a PhD ( part time) which I had to give up when I got pregnant with our first child. Honestly, it's not that I don't want hobbies, but I accept that until we can financially be a bit more secured, e.g kids out of nursery, then I have to keep pushing Ann's I am happy with that. But this attitude of his I find selfish and a bit hurtful to be honest. I don't know may be I am wrong. Tell me, I am willing to listen to advice.

OP posts:
kokomilan · 24/02/2024 20:42

Luckyducky123 · 24/02/2024 20:37

What is his hobby, just out of interest?

To do with fitness ( not cycling Smile)

OP posts:
LadyGaGasPokerFace · 24/02/2024 20:43

My dh used to play rugby. It took up a Tuesday and Thursday evening, then Saturday for a game. That’s not including any international games he needed to watch or attend.
Luckily, it’s age restricted as he’s too old now. But, there was a time he was doing this when I was pg and in fact I had contractions on the Thursday evening of his training.
There were choices to be made when dd1 arrived and when pg with dd2.
Having that much time out when you have dc is taking the piss.

Zoomzoomzoomzoom0 · 24/02/2024 20:44

You need to take up a hobby which takes you away the equivalent amount of time, including the other half of Sunday or Saturday.

Niknakk · 24/02/2024 20:44

Why do you work 2 jobs? What hours does he work?

pikkumyy77 · 24/02/2024 20:45

F

YouJustDoYou · 24/02/2024 20:45

Fucking man hobbies. Every single fucking time.

carelesser · 24/02/2024 20:46

kokomilan · 24/02/2024 20:41

I mean, he says he would accommodate me if I wanted to do the same. But how does the math work there? Something had to give. I also have a much more stressful job and responsibilities that means I sometimes have to work evenings.
He actually told me that I need to be more energised as he finds that attractive and have things to do. Before you come at me, let me paint you a picture: we have two children under three. I work two jobs and therefore am the main earner and have been doing an upgrade paper for a PhD ( part time) which I had to give up when I got pregnant with our first child. Honestly, it's not that I don't want hobbies, but I accept that until we can financially be a bit more secured, e.g kids out of nursery, then I have to keep pushing Ann's I am happy with that. But this attitude of his I find selfish and a bit hurtful to be honest. I don't know may be I am wrong. Tell me, I am willing to listen to advice.

He’s chatting shit, he KNOWS you don’t have time for hobbies and you won’t take 4 times a week off for hobbies.

Drop the rope and stop supporting him so much. Tell him to step the fuck up!

Dartmoorcheffy · 24/02/2024 20:46

Why is everyone so coy about naming hobbies. Knowing what it is is hardly exposing you in real.life and would be helpful to know in order to respond accordingly . As it is you may or not be being unreasonable

kokomilan · 24/02/2024 20:47

Niknakk · 24/02/2024 20:44

Why do you work 2 jobs? What hours does he work?

It's a long story, but when I was on maternity an opportunity presented itself and it was too good to pass. I was also planning to go part time in my regular job so it seemed the right combination. It still is for many reasons , not least finances, but also provides me with amazing career opportunities in future if I can stick in it for a couple of years. So it's an investment.

He is self employed so has control of his hours.

OP posts:
Chocolateorange11 · 24/02/2024 20:47

I have a fitness hobby that I dedicated loads of time to pre baby. I now do 3 x a week at 6am plus one weekend early morning so it doesn’t impact family life. I’d love to do more but not at the expense of my children!

Can he get up early and reduce the amount of time he ‘trains’ to lessen the impact on family time.

SKG231 · 24/02/2024 20:47

how much does he work?

Zoomzoomzoomzoom0 · 24/02/2024 20:48

After your update I think you need a hobby even more. It can be a free one like rambling/ Hill walking. You absolutely have to make time for yourself. No-one else will organise it or suggest it for you. And you will be a better mother/partner for it.

Direstraightsagain · 24/02/2024 20:49

Each weekend is too much when children are small.
I'm not sure why you’re not saying what the hobby is? It’s only for a few years when the kids are small that it so important to have the help. The moment they’re about 10 it’s fine as they are more able to entertain themselves.
For the few years I. Between - Why can’t he do the hobby every other weekend and you get time on the other weekend. Then in a few years you will probably be pleased to be rid of him for an morning / afternoon 😀

NamelessNancy · 24/02/2024 20:50

He wants you to be more energised so you are more attractive to him? Whilst working two jobs, raising young children and facilitating his (imo excessive given your kids' ages) hobby time? WTF?

Niknakk · 24/02/2024 20:52

It sounds like you're just begrudging him. Just make time for yourself too and job done.

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