To suggest they ban this child from the SEN session

[Heartofglass83]

DD3 attends a weekly SEN gymnastics session which she loves. It’s got a big inflatable assault course / slide which is obviously really popular. The average age of the kids is probably about 5/6. Occasionally there’s an older child but they would normally have two parents walking round holding their hands etc.

the last few weeks there’s been a boy probably about 12 or 13 with quite visable learning difficulties who is very excitable and climbs to the top of the slide and stops children from going down the slide the supervisor has a few times had to ask his parent/carer to get him down as he jumps about so much the whole inflatable knocks all the other kids down. The parent / carer sits away on their phone the whole time.

DD went into the assault course and I normally follow her down and as she climbs up the ladder I walk back down to the bottom of the slide. As I was walking the boy ran up the slide and sat at the top. DD said “excuse me please” and he grabbed her by the pigtails and yanked them really hard before dragging her by the hair to throw her down the slide. I bellowed at the adults who were with him (who were all slouched away on their phones) and one jumped up the slide to get him off her.
DD has spent the last few hours really shocked and upset. I’m really angry because this is one of her favourite spaces where she can be herself.

i want to flag this to management - am I being unreasonable to say they need to give a warning and then ban this child from attending the session? I don’t blame the child in anyway, I blame the complete lack of supervision and care from the adults in charge of him. He is too big, and too excitable to be playing with small children without an adult constantly being with him. I dread to think of what could have happened as he is already quite a big lad.

i don’t think it’s appropriate to report to the police. I don’t blame the child for his actions I blame the carers and the centre supervisors as they know what the child is capable of and tnat he’s unsupervised.

but as many PP have pointed out, his size makes him a danger. If a smaller child attacked DD it’s not really going to damage her physically. A large 12ish year old can, whether he means to or not. He accidentally ran into me earlier in the session and gave me a little push (just to move me out of his space) it was enough to almost knock me over so Christ knows how poor DD feels.

This. It sounds like that child's needs are too advanced for the other children to be safe. You should definitely complain. It isn't fair to the others especially since he obviously isn't supervised and violent . I realize it is not his fault but safety first

I've taken my children to similar sessions for SEN children in the past. The children need to be properly supervised. I would complain to the management and if you could find the name of the agency the staff worked for, I'd complain to them to.

@Baileyscream nothing trumps safety. Making a bit of noise in the theatre isn't the same as small children being hurt.

But as I said, the issue seems to be about supervision.

Someone used the word “safeguarding” and I think that’s the right word to use. Just outline what happened to your DD and let the management decide how to address it.

He didn’t just knock her over by mistake, I wouldn’t report for that, but he grabbed her by the hair to THROW her down the slide by her hair!! I cannot imagine the mindset of seeing your child so violently assaulted and not wanting to report it. She is going to remember and be affected by that for the rest of her life. She must have been petrified. What if he wasn’t stopped in time? Her neck could have snapped, he could have killed her. And you don’t want to report it?!

He sounds extremely dangerous and on the track to seriously hurting someone. Who knows, early intervention from police and them talking to carers could stop him seriously hurting someone some day. Maybe your daughter is that someone.

The police will likely talk to parents/carers, it’s all going to be about early intervention. Not locking up and throwing away the key.

You should think a bit more about whether or not you want to report it. Are you perhaps in shock?

This!

Our gym has a small soft play area and the other week a mother was ‘supervising’ her toddler in there. Well, she got her arse there but her eyes were down in her phone. They were really strict and said if you don’t put that away your kid will have to leave.
How this feckless excuse of a mother thinks it’s ok to have a phone out while her almost teenager almost harms another much younger child is beyond me. Oh I’m sure some will say the poor lamb probably needs a break as her son is hard work and that might be the first chance she has had to check her messages - eye roll time.
Hope your kid is ok and isn’t out off going to the sessions.

Why didn't you tell the carers/parents at the time it happened and say you've noticed you are not watching him and you need to. I would.

Your poor dd l hope she is ok and not too traumatised xx

If he is supported by a company I'd be finding out which one and complain to them too. Plus soft play management.

I have a child with SEN and attitudes like yours that INFURIATE me. Just because a child has SEN, does not mean they do not need to be disciplined and redirected! Like any other child, if they're doing something unacceptable then something should be done. The SEN means that the 'something' is just different to what would be done if the child were neurotypical.

It's this "but, but he's got SEN so he can do whatever he likes" attitude which causes this sort of thing and causes such widespread misunderstanding of SEN for the rest of us. Far too many people associate SEN with bad behaviour & exclude kids like my DC. This kind of approach is precisely why!

If he can’t be suitably supervised then as hard as it is for him he shouldn’t be at the sessions

This.

@GinForBreakfast no it isn't exactly the same but the principle is. A person with a disability cannot be excluded because they do something in relation to their disability which makes others uncomfortable. Try to see it from the point of view of the venue. They cannot say his needs are too much for an inclusive sen session without being discriminatory. At what point do they decide someone is too disabled for the session? How would they word that without getting themselves into trouble?

While there is no need to question the OP's account here, it cannot just be taken as gospel, it's only one side of the story. What the boy did was a form of communication it could have been that he thought he was helping the girl and didn't understand his actions, it could have been that something she said or did aggrevated him.

It's an sen session and not every child has the right type of sen, behaviour is going to vary with each child. If this child did get banned another child could go that throws things or another that has tourettes. I'd imagine many children attending sen sessions at soft play like to bounce or crash.

This needed being flagged up.

You did the right thing. He needs constant supervision, not a parent sitting on their phone.

I haven't read the full thread so I apologise but rather than straight ask for the child to be warned / banned - I'd speak to management & suggest a younger & older sessions to be held rather than completely mixed ages & I would also ask them to change their 'rules' that children HAVE to be supervised at all times / a phone ban to stop people from just disregarding their child. Then if that doesn't work go to the warning & ban.

I know this behaviour isn't acceptable but a child with SEN also might be fully aware of their actions & it's sad they would be punished by being banned because of neglectful carers / parents. Their actions should be targeted first.

I hope your daughter is ok OP.

• might NOT be aware.

At no point did I say he could do whatever he wanted?! Be infuriated, you may find some sen parents get pretty ticked off with parents like you who think that all sen can be countered using discipline and redirection. Some children are a little bit more complex than that. If only my ds's needs could have been disciplined out of him.... you're doing a fair bit of misreprenting yourself.

Blaming other parents on the Internet for your child being excluded? I can't possibly think of another reason why they would be.

Just seen your update about him been brought by a carer. Do they wear lanyards or a uniform which could identify the care agency? If so I would be tempted to also notify the care agency that the carers bringing the boy to the session are not supervising him adequately. Its the sort of thing management of these agencies are quite hot on. The boys parents will be paying the care agency to keep their son safe on an outing, if the carer is just sat on their phone and not actually supervising and keeping the boy safe, they are not doing their job.

I imagine if you bring this up with management of the centre, a good centre manager will probably also phone the care agency the boy is coming with to explain to the carers the boy is coming with needs supervision.

Safe isn't just him not physically hurt, it's also safe from accusations or him hurting another.

I could not agree with you more @NoOrdinaryMorning . It is such a disservice to all persons with SEN children or adults.

It's not 'discrimination' if he's genuinely dangerous to other children. It's a proportionate means to achieve a legitimate aim. Just as it's not 'discrimination' to not allow a blind person to drive a bus. If the activity cannot happen safely, that comes above right of access. It's really the centre's problem to sort out the adjustments, either through separate sessions or through making it an absolute condition of entry that parents/carers must supervise, and any incidents due to lack of supervision mean removal.

You really need to stop spouting misinformation. A disabled person absolutely can be stopped from accessing something if it makes them or another person unsafe. This is more than 'making people feel uncomfortable' - he dragged OP's child by the hair.

Absolutely raise it with management.

The session should be run separately for older/bigger kids.

And tbh yeah i’d ban him anyway. What exactly does ‘supervision’ mean? Do you think that boy wouldn’t have assaulted your DD if he was being watched more closely?

@Baileyscream

You'd raise merry hell? Have you read what the older child did? He hurt the OPs daughter very badly and it could have been worse.

Regardless of why he did it, it's clear he shouldn't be in this session. He's a major risk to the other children, and the venue has a duty of care towards them.

It is a fact of life that children age out of things. This kid has aged out of this session. I disagree it's the venue's responsibility to provide provision where health and safety would be massively compromised and the enjoyment of the smaller children. Are you going to say the same when he's 13,14,15?

Hi,

I think just putting it in writing would help management to be able to take action. They will not know that it happened and cannot act until they have that information to act on. I think it's really fine to tell them and then they can sort it out.