To be pissed off at DH

[UnderappreciatedSouls]

Hi, I apologise in advance for how this post may come across. My emotions are still running high.

I'm feeling underappreciated, as you can probably tell from my name. I think this has maybe been brewing for awhile, and this morning was the last straw.

We got up late, dc1 asked me to make homemade pancakes, and a cooked breakfast. I started it, and because it was late I asked for dh to give me a hand, and to please set the table numerous times.

My youngest was repeatedly asking if it was ready. I hear dh playing computer games and then helping my other dc with his game.

I asked again for help from dh to speed the process up, he huffed and puffed. I then twice asked had he given the dcs a smoothie, something small etc for now. He hadn't. He then gets that.

I ask again for a hand, he then loudly shouts: "there's no hurry!! I don't have to do it right now I have the children!" The youngest was sitting at the table repeatedly asking if it was ready. Dh was with dc1 who is 7, and the computer games. Dc1 runs in, not liking that he shouted, and asks if I'm okay, then goes back to game with dh.

I rush to get bfast done, spill the scrambled egg mixture, burn my hand and the pancakes. I cleaned up, redid the eggs, and finished, served it for my dcs sake. I then cleaned up, because at this point I had lost my appetite.

Dh had the audacity to blame dc1 for asking for help with his game. IMO he should have said "I have to help Mum in the kitchen, we will sort the games after breakfast.

They sit down, dh stares at his phone, dc1 (on spectrum) stares at computer, little one complaining about his ipad. The dcs to be fair were eating, and my oldest was lovely.

It is dh I am highly irritated with. It feels like I have a third child. I also don't like the person I am becoming because of that. I don't want to be a nagging dm.

It may also be useful to add that my dad passed away unexpected a few months ago. Maybe I am over reacting. I would really appreciate opinions on the situation. I am biased and could be being touchy, and bad tempered.

You sound like their skivvy and are being taken advantage of. You're doing something nice for them and they're just haranguing you and don't even sound appreciative or grateful. It sounds like everyone was being impatient with each other as well including you, maybe you were all just really hungry?! My household definitely feels the (h)anger! Xx

It sounds like you were just having a bad morning and your DH didn't pick up on how stressed you were with your youngest asking to be fed and rushing. If this was before I'd even had my morning coffee, I'd be the same.
I think your annoyance would be more justified if your DH had been sat just playing his own game, but he was helping your eldest. Stop being pissed off and go give your DH a hug. It's not worth falling out over.

You've overreacted I think. It's really not that hard.

I'm sorry for your loss 💐

Sorry about your dad.

To be honest I think you’re overreacting. If my child asked for pancakes and a cooked breakfast I’d say no. If we’ve not planned for that in advance it’s not happening - certainly not both together. You say you got up late anyway - the correct answer was no, we’re a bit late for that, just have some cereal. Maybe we’ll do it tomorrow.

I would far prefer it if dh entertains the dc while I’m cooking. Yes I do shout through for them all to come and lay the table when it’s nearly ready.

unless there is a history here it doesn’t really sound like he was shouting. He raised his voice because you weren’t in the same room?

I definitely understand the feeling of being taken for granted but to be honest if you’ve got up late anyway and a child is nagging for a breakfast that takes ages to prepare you really should just have said no.

I think you gave yourself a lot to do, you're also grieving and it can do weird things to us everyone is different. I'd make a note to not cook breakfast again and to encourage your dc to get themselves cereal or whatever. I'd also be gentle with yourself, dealing with death is hard there's no right way just your way.

I'm so sorry you're feeling so under appreciated, you're right that it can give some perspective, it did for me.

Sorry for your loss OP

I think you did take on too much by making pancakes and a cooked breakfast, one or the other would have been enough, but your husband should have given you a hand when you asked.
He should have told your child that he needed to help you with breakfast and he'd play on the computer with them after.

I know some posters are saying he was helping by keeping the kids distracted but he was only playing games with one and letting the other sit and nag you while you were cooking.
I hope you left him with the cleaning up!

Your eldest running to check on you after your husband shouted is worrying though.

Very early on in my relationship with my husband I explained that a mobile phone on the table or even in a pocket is unacceptable while we're eating together as I think it's rude to ignore the people you're eating with.

If eating separately it's fine, but not while we're together as I'm more important to him than his phone. He's always respected that rule

Why the panicking and rushing?

Did you have somewhere to be? It's ready when it's ready.

Sorry about your dad, do you think you could benefit from bereavement counceling?

This. They sound highly annoying and need to learn a bit of patience. Also you're being a martyr. Why do they need a smoothie, pancakes and a cooked breakfast? You should have given them a piece of fruit or toast and told them to wait. Also surely putting a few plates on the table doesn't need a full table service. I don't see why 2 people are needed to make a breakfast?