5 kids travelling in the back seat?

[BiscuitCheeks]

DD is 10, she went to a birthday party this week, they said they would collect the children from school, take them to an activity, then back to the birthday girls house.
No idea why I thought to ask DD when we got home, but I asked how they got there. 'oh on the way there there were two cars but on the way back we all sat in the same car.'
Queue silent shocked faces from me and DH. DD listed off the friends that were in the car and it was 6 kids! Birthday girl got her own seat and seatbelt in the front and five others were crammed in the back!
I was obviously angry, which upset DD. I told DD she's not in trouble, I'm angry at the parents and disappointed in myself that I didn't think to ask how they would be getting the children there and back. I would have gladly helped out and given a lift, I wouldn't have hung around or expected anything in return.
Have had a long conversation with DD about how dangerous this is, that she's the most precious thing in the world to me and irreplaceable so these kind of situations are not worth the risk. That if this ever happens again, I know it's hard to speak up to adults but she should tell them she's calling her Mum so she can travel safely and I will be there.
They are a three car family, with an older brother who drives, so I have no idea why they thought this would be ok.
I'm not a confrontational person but tried to call the Mum to speak to her about it but she didn't answer. I could send a text but don't know what to say. DH is equally livid and wants to go round and speak to the parents. DD is obviously now upset that this girl might not like her anymore if he does that.
So, YABU - it's not a big deal, we did it when we were kids and I should chill out.
YANBU - it's not ok and if they needed help with transport they should have asked.

It IS dangerous and irresponsible of the parents but I probably would just leave it now. You've spoken to your daughter about the importance of speaking up, you know not to trust the parents to drive your child round and you now know to check travel arrangements for this type of thing.

It is going to destroy relationships for your DD if you pursue this so I would personally just leave it now.

Do they have extra seats in the boot perhaps?

Depending on the distance and local versus fast roads, i might be quite relaxed or really pissed off. What I wouldn't do is discuss it either way, nothing to be gained there. If they make arrangements again then that is the time to say "No thanks, we will drive DD as we prefer to ensure she has a seatbelt."

I agree, leave it this time, but forewarned is forearmed, as they say, and make your own arrangements for transporting DD in future.

Any chance they have pop up seats in the back? Id be furious if anyone took my DC in a car without their own seat and seatbelt. What kind of person does this.

I'm angry at the parents and disappointed in myself that I didn't think to ask how they would be getting the children there and back.
Dont be disappointed in yourself no one should ever have to ask is our child traveling in their own seat with their own seatbelt.

YANBU but I'd prioritise making sure your DD isn't worried or upset now over having a go at the parents (who are way out of order BTW).

Sounds like they expected to have two cars, but the arrangement fell through somehow and they made the decision to take all the children in one car. It's illegal and if stopped they would have been in big trouble. For me it would depend on the route, ie, motorway/high speed road absolutely no way. Short journey on quiet rural roads or 20 limit roads not so bad, as the likelihood of a serious accident would be fairly minimal.

Are you positive that it isn't a 7 seater car? Mine is, though 2 seats fold right down into the boot space and aren't immediately noticeable unless you know what you're looking for

But if not - YADNBU

Not on at all, when we were in the same situ we did two trips as short distance. I have often had my offer to take a couple of children home from party.

@Silverbirchtwo I completely disagree. Every week there are news stories of horrendous accidents two minutes from home on a quite road.

The fact they considered this acceptable would mean they never had my child again. They could have rang parents and waited until they arrived, got a seven seater taxi, rang friends to come mind children while they did a couple of runs.

Their option would never have entered my head the fact people can even consider putting my child at this risk gives me the rage.

My children were always told to say that they weren't allowed to travel without a seatbelt. They accepted a lift from a school friend's mum after school one evening and found out after they got in that she didn't have rear seat belts. When they piped up and asked to get out she told them it would be OK and didn't stop to let them out. No, I didn't discuss it with her as it was over and done but I was very annoyed. We had the conversation at home about how to deal with that situation in the future. They never again accepted a lift from that mum.

No seats in the boot, I know the cars they have and double checked with DD it wasn't a different one. DD originally told the story with some excitement, as though it was a bit of adventure, 'we all had to squash in haha', which completely shocked me. I know when I was young my Mum would drill into me to put a seatbelt on and not sit on anyone's lap, because people were a bit more lax then. I've never thought to do this with my DD as I assumed everyone was on the same page with car safety now. She knows to wear a seatbelt in my car. Which is why I'm disappointed in myself.
Thinking back to our last party I did have to tell this child to put their seatbelt on, my car tells me which seatbelts are clicked in in the back when you set off so I knew she didn't have it on. So obviously car safety isn't important to them.

It's illegal for a reason. YANBU. This is not the 1970s.

Yanbu but I wouldn’t bring it up. I’d just make sure my dc wasn’t in that situation again. I wouldn’t expect my dc to speak up if it happened.

YANBU but the moment has passed. I don't think speaking to the parents will achieve anything, and could cause problems for your DD and her friend.
Lesson learned - always transport your own kids unless you are 100% certain of the lift giver.
I nearly always drove my DD because even at 10 she still legally required a car seat which most of her friends didn't and other parents tended to think it was ok not to bother at her age (she was tiny!!).

I'd probably mention it but it's a bit late to get cross.
We've got fold up seats in the boot, meaning having 5 kids in the back wouldn't be a problem at all. However, I don't have that many car seats. We've got a Cybex one. You can take the back off to turn it into a normal isofix booster seat. That's what I usually hand over to parents when DS travels with anyone.
Perhaps hand them a car seat next time.

I'm a bit surprised this is still going on.

We used to do this, back in the day, but this was the late 80s/early 90s!
I remember we used to drive to collect my two cousins to stay with us for a couple of days. Then there would be 4 kids crammed into the back of a ford mondeo. We were aged maybe 6 to 12. We could just about stretch the seatbelts to get over the 4 of us, but then there was a 2 hour plus drive home, including motorways!
I also used to sit on my grandmas lap on the backseat when we'd go to visit them!

I live abroad and this happens all the time. What I always do if my child is offered a lift is ask the parent if they need a spare booster seat and tell them that sometimes my child needs to be reminded/finds it tricky to put their seatbelt on so can they please remind them/help them. I have averted a few squash situations by saying this (the parents admit they didn't have enough room, in an 'oops, silly me' kind of way). They also know that I'm 'one of those' parents.

I actually find the older generation in the UK pretty similar in that they keep planning transport without taking into account my youngest child, as she can just go on someone's knee. When I raise this, I'm always made to feel like a real spoilsport. I always remind them of when I was in a car crash 15 years ago and my seatbelt prevented me from being ejected through the windscreen. I mention how id rather not risl my toddler hurtling out the window at high speed. Nobody can argue with that.

Could it be a 7 seater. As the above poster suggested, I wouldn't pursue it. It will cause problems for your DD. Don't let these people transport her again and now know to check on traveling arrangements (although you shouldn't have to check if parents are following the law!)

Thanks for the replies, happy to know I'm not in the minority of people that think it's mad to cram them all on the back seat!
DD hasn't had a car seat for a while now, she was the last out of her friends to be in one though, much to her embarrassment! I did used to give parents her high back booster when they were younger. I would always check with parents if they needed one as I could borrow our spares from my mum or dad, but people rarely asked me, I would just come out with one to put in their car.
I know now to ask about travel arrangements, it just never crossed my mind that someone would do that! All is well now though I haven't mentioned it to the parents and DH won't. Also glad DD hasn't mentioned our rather morbid talk about how there's only one of her, it's in my head to have another chat about seatbelt/car safety in 7 years when they all start driving now though!