Cooking Critiques in Relationships

[alx9g]

Hey everyone. So, my husband tends to critique my cooking, pointing out things like an egg being too runny (for him) or too much sugar in the tea.

I don’t feel the need to pick up on these things personally when the situation is reversed. If it’s something final that’s already been done/cooked, what use is commenting?

We share the cooking evenly and when he cooks and it's not to my taste, I just appreciate the effort. In my eyes what good does pointing out the roasties are overcooked add… he wouldn’t have done that on purpose and clearly did his best? Not like you can undo it. Also life isn’t that deep is it?

Not huge marital issues I am just curious and would love to hear your thoughts and experiences for balance.

Stop cooking for him

Well if my husband overcooks the roasties or puts too much sugar in my tea, of course I'd say something and I'd like to think he would to me too.

No it can't be undone, but it'd stop us doing it in the future. We can't change what we don't know about 🤷‍♂️

Oh I had it out with DH when he used to do this; I'd be half way through cooking and he'd waltz in, take the lid off the pot, give it a slightly raised eyebrow, then stir it thoroughly, because obviously I had never thought of stirring.

He doesn't do it now. But last week he tried to make a comment about my driving which he quickly retracted when I got really mad.

Sorry, meant to add it doesn't mean we don't appreciate the effort.

We've been married 24 years and we still ask each other, 'How was that?' if we cook for each other 😬😁

It would be a huge marital issue for me. My DH wouldn't dream of saying that my cooking wasn't perfect unless I'd pointed out the problem myself first, and I'm grateful if he so much as assembles a sandwich for me. Relentless criticism can really wear you down over time.

There was a thread on here years ago about a DH that did this. Not sure if it was OP or other posters that labelled him 'spoony fucker'

Too much sugar in tea is okay to say 'can you put a bit less in next time, it's so sweet'. Because it's a personal taste thing. Overcooking the roasties, he probably knows they're overcooked so I wouldn't mention it, it's a bit mean/rude. If I overcooked them I'd just say, 'Sorry the potatoes are a bit overdone, I got distracted/got the timings wrong' and expect it to be left at that.

Unless he likes them charred to bits and you have a different preference?? In which case when you cook, cook to your tastes, when he cooks, he cooks to his, and when he criticises your cooking you can just point that out

Personally I think your partner should know how you take your tea and how you like your eggs cooked and should accommodate that if possible - if my DH kept putting too much sugar in my tea or cooked me runny eggs even though I hated them, then I'd probably start to get a bit pissed off.

In our house if someone accidentally burned the roasties we would comment but it wouldn't be a personal criticism - just something we'd laugh off.

OP I was instantly reminded of Leonard interrogating Sheldon when he worked as a waiter

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=O1WpE5ntqbQ&pp=ygUfYmlnIGJhbmcgdGhlb3J5IHNoZWxkb24gd2FpdGVyIA%3D%3D

And this is exactly what I would do to make a point & get hom to shut up

My husband and I have to policy that if we think something the other one cooked isn't great, we tell them and why. That way (hopefully) we won't end up eating something that's not so great the next time. I think it's the way somebody tells you that could be an issue. Luckily, we're not rude to each other, we'll just be honest and say if something doesn't seem right. We also would never say something was nice if it wasn't - why would you do that and risk having to eat it again?!

'have the policy' not have to!

I think it's fair enough if it's something like making an egg so undercooked that the person doesn't want to eat it, or the tea so sweet that they won't drink it. On things like that you'd expect your partner to know how you like your food / drink made and not make things they know you don't like?

I know if my DH made undercooked eggs every week I'd be mentioning it 😂 if somethings been already done / cooked, then mentioning it means it won't be made the same (wrong for them) way next time? I think it weirder if he was cooking something you didn't like or cooking it wrong that you wouldn't mention it?

Yeah I get that but if the OPs husband keeps putting too much sugar in her tea, is she just going to drink over sweetened tea for the rest of their married life?

Life doesn't have to be 'deep' to let someone know this.

Surely you know how he likes his eggs cooked and how much sugar in his tea by now

DP does 90% of the cooking and I've never criticised it once. Mostly there's no need to and on the rare occasion it doesn't turn out as planned he can tell and says so first. When I cook, even though it's never as good as his cooking, he never criticises it because he knows it's a minor victory that I've got anything on the plate at all and he appreciates the effort. It's just rude to criticise if someone's cooking for you, I think.

That said... surely you know how many sugars your husband takes in his tea? If DP brought me milky coffee with 3 sugars damn right I'd say something.

There is a difference between relentless, petty criticisms and helpful constructive criticism. If the way I made my husband's tea wasn't the way he'd like it, I'd expect him to let me know rather than drink tea he didn't like. Similarly if I make a new dish for dinner and he doesn't like it I'd rather he say than me waste my time making it again.

I'd be pissed off if he 'critiqued' every meal and drink I made though. I'd basically stop making him anything.

Nobody cooks perfectly 100% of the time. I think it's weird to spend 40-50 years of your life with someone and pretend that they do! It's about knowing when and how to say something, so feelings aren't hurt.

We have a good natured comedy version of this. There's lots of guess what the ingredients are in this soup etc. and my soup was better than your soup etc

my DH think he's an amazing chef which is hilarious as well as being a little bit true.

Oh there are loads of MN threads about this particular annoying trait- search “spoony fucker” and enjoy!

I'm gonna go against the grain a bit here, and say...this is the primary way for couples to arrive at the compromise between what they both like to eat. In the examples given...the egg is too runny for him, but right for you - so, between you, you find the balance between runny and hard that works for both of you. Or, y'know, you both take into account the other's preferences and you cook his eggs harder than you'd like and he cooks yours runnier than he'd like.

It is, of course, a communication issue - but if he said, "Hey, I don't really like eggs like this, could we maybe find a different way to do it?"...can you honestly say you'd see it any differently?

In fact...is there any way that he could've registered his preference without this thread being posted? If there is, then maybe talk to him and suggest that a slight adjustment to the way he says it would probably be closer to his intent. If not, then it's not just him that has the problem.