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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friends (around 60)

5 replies

Toomuch44 · 23/02/2024 15:08

We have two long standing friends. One is gluten and dairy free and registered disabled, but can do a limited amount of walking, work full-time moving around.

If either couple suggests getting together, seems coffee out is only thing they want to do - nothing wrong with that, but every time my friend who is diary free has to check with cafe first to ensure right milk (for context I have another friend who is gluten/dairy it's not a problem for her going out). Occasionally we'll meet up at eachother's houses if it's a birthday, again for coffee. It'd just be nice to do something else with them.

Last year I tried to shake it up a bit and got nowhere, ie meeting for a drink, cinema with one or both of them, lunch or early tea (friend has to eat early), visiting us for a games night (they agreed twice and cancelled both nights as tired).

If we mentioned we've been out for a drink, you can just tell it's a joke that we like a drink or two out (two are my limit). I won tickets to a dream event for us, DH decided to buy a new suit, and he got a snarky comment about who he looked like on tv - might be it wasn't meant that way, but they both know how much my win would mean to DH.

We're all 57-62 and it feels they're old for their time and we have less and less in common. AIBU?

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 23/02/2024 15:11

YANBU
you can step away from any relationship at any time (and for any reason)
you don’t like / understand their lifestyle and the same for you
you can enjoy the coffees and accept that’s what it is

DGPP · 23/02/2024 15:15

Keep these as coffee friends and find new ones who are more lively and in keeping with you.

Mangolover123 · 23/02/2024 15:16

OMG that would drive me mad.
Limit your self to the coffee and still continue to go a do amazing things.
I am in the age group but still like a laugh and a dance; you just have a quieter day the next!

Tootytoot78 · 23/02/2024 15:25

That's no age at all! Our group of six comprehensive school friends meet once a month. We do lunches, afternoon tea, walks, cinema, theatre, concerts, ceildhs and Spa days ( not all in the same day!)
We all have minor health age related niggles, but it never stops us. We are all 70 this year.
Life is for living!

Ariela · 23/02/2024 15:59

When you go for coffee, just buy and take a small bottle of whatever GF/DF milk your disabled friend CAN drink and then it doesn't matter where you go, you ask for her drink black and she pours in her own milk. It's what I do for a fussy (not GF/DF), she just only likes Alpro Almond milk - I make her take home what's left and I've never yet had a café complain she's putting her own milk in. Saves all the angst about 'can we only go to XYZ (loud noisy coffee place) because of the milk' issue and means as driver I can pick where we are going.

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