To think people need to be more assertive when attending parties/friends/events?

[DistingusedSocialCommentator]

IMHO, what the f go to a so-called friend/family/relative's home/arty/wedding/event etc when you don't want to go?

Seriously, I'm no fan of parties etc so we don't do them, nor am I great at going so often don't go.

Even more seriously, I would NO want anyone at an event I/we had arranged where the guests/guests were there because they felt they had to come. I'd rather have they staying away. The number of times I've heard people at work when we worked, "oh I didn not really want to go...etc.etc" So why the heck go, have you no self-respect?

This thread is on the back of reading a couple of threads where people are unsure about going as worn out, not up to it, don't really like the hosts, don't like the chit-chat, etc, etc

If you have a genuine reason for not going, fair enough but otherwise, no one is holding you to ransom, so why go? Are you not assertive and how would you feel

AIBU to expect people to attend our even only if they are 100% happy to come and enjoy the event?

Well how would you feel if you threw a party and no one came because they just didn't feel like it?

I've gone to a few events when I didn't fancy it because I care enough about the person inviting me. I usually end up having a good time but initially I'd be slightly dreading it. Why? For me, it's because I have two young children and feel continuously knackered.

But like I said, I usually enjoy myself once I'm out. Socialising is good for mental health so I also try to get out even when I don't feel like it.

Some people might not want to go to an event but feel duty bound. As long as they're not outwardly having a bad time then what does it matter?

I don’t go to stuff and say so. I just don’t enjoy it.

I think I agree with @BippityBopper .
Sometimes I don't feel like going to a party/an event, but usually when I'm there I'm having a lot of fun! It's good for me to get out and socialise. And I always do my best to be a good guest.

But, of course, if you really really really do not want to go to an event, it's better to decline.

TBH - I have to agree with all of you. Thank you for sharing your insight

Plenty of times I've thought "I'd rather not go to x, y or z party/event" and have said it out loud to colleagues/other friends/relatives.

Then when I've gone I've had a great time. Nothing to do with self respect.

I pick and choose carefully. We have a family wedding in the summer which I've declined for various reasons. No one will fall out about it or create drama, unlike most MN weddings

I kind of hate going to some family meet ups, but also love seeing most of the family. It's more the style of forced hospitality, the travel, being worried I won't be fed, feeling knackered. I love the small talk side though.
I never regret doing it even though I do feel an element of dread before and even sometimes during the event!

I have been to events where I didn't feel like going. I hate disco type after wedding events. Unless there is space to talk without the music blaring out to relatives or old friends I haven't seen for ages. Absolutely hate dancing at events.
Would I refuse to go because of that? No, because I wouldn't want to let my friend or relative down on their big moment. Whether a birthday party or wedding etc.

I hosted a new home party many years ago with my now exh as it was something he wanted to do. (I have never liked parties and big get togethers). We were expecting around 20 people and bought food and drink accordingly. One couple came for two hours. That was hurtful. And wasteful of the food. No one even rang to say why they had changed their minds.

If you applied that logic to it’s ultimate conclusion no one would ever bother going to anything.

Obviously people shouldn’t have to go to things that make them feel a sense of dread or if they are anxious or exhausted but there is a spectrum here.

Sometimes you just have to push on.

What about the parties you go to where you talk to people about how BS most degrees are?
Only recently you were saying on a thread how amusing it was, at parties, to laugh about people doing media studies degrees. 🙄