Feeling put off DH

[babepig]

Been married 8y, two kids.
Been ups and downs in our marriage and a really rough patch over covid but recently things have been mostly ok but there are a few things really bothering me.
I do everthing, DH does bins and goes to work.
He refuses to learn to drive (says anxiety stops him)
He moans about his job all the time but refuses to job search (its also shit pay)
He has a lift share to work as a woman kindly offered to take him but he’s never once offered to pay her / given her a bottle of wine etc. despite me saying he should
He has no friends really. Never goes out on his own anywhere.
He has no interest in home improvements/decorating etc. I do all of that.
He never takes the kids anywhere, if he does childcare he stays in all day with them, won’t even walk 10mins to the park.
On his one day he has to make tea he acts all flustered and shouts at everyone while he’s doing it and makes a huge mess.
He’s moody all the time.

I’m beginning to question what he brings to my life to be honest.

Not a lot, by the sound of it! How old are your children?

Practice makes progress!

I’d be upping the dinner making on his part to 3 nights/half the week for a start.

As for the other things mentioned… a family member of mine left her partner for similar reasons.

She is now engaged to a new partner who in my opinion is very well suited to her and she is much happier!

There is life to be had, don’t settle!!

The "few things" that are bothering you actually say an awful lot about him.

He's lazy, can't be bothered with housework but happy to let you do everything.

He is happy for you to do all the driving.

He is mean and self centred - allowing a kind person drive him to work without offering them any recompense.

Lazy (again) by moaning, but doing nothing, about his work situation.

No interest in the house and not much interest in his children by the sounds of it.

Moody and shouty.

I'm sure he has some good points (or maybe not) but I can't imagine this life is at all satisfying for you and it can't be nice for the children seeing dad so lazy, moody and shouty.

Did he move out of family home (dm /df) to live with you?

how did you know? 🫢

this is what happens when little boys have everything done for them.

This man is barely functional as a pet, let alone a husband. He can’t/won’t do anything an adult human should do: cook, clean, care for children, care for partner, reciprocate generosity. Leave him out with the bins.

Sit down and talk to him. He sounds depressed and defeated by life. When you have a family you can't internalise to the point of not functioning as part of your family. I'm saying this as someone who has had severe mental health issues since I was 16. Some times you need calling out on how your mood impacts those around you and support in moving forward. If not depression he could be stuck in a low rut and doesn't realise the impact it's having on you. Talk to him about engaging more if your world and go from them.

Blimey. op there's more to live than a selfish man child.

Talk to him. See if he changes. Warn him how you feel and what will happen if he doesn't.

You won't get a 2nd life. Is this how you want your existence to be?

This this this

So why are you with this lazy, nasty, mean, self centred manbaby? Like seriously? What does he bring to your life? You're enabling him to continue to be like this - and of course get worse...

If you were single and looking to date - and a single lazy, nasty, mean self centred manbaby popped into your dm's would you start again? would you date your DH if you were single? Guessing no... so why stay?

Single life is better than being with someone like this.

"He does the bins"

Fine. He can also put himself in the bin and stay there!

LTB