To think that my DH has lost all empathy.

[HereConesTheSun]

So DH and I live apart due to his alcohol and mental health issues. Alcohol changes the brain over time and though he 8s high functioning with a well paid job, his brain is definitely affected in terms of empathy etc. He is very mean and angry.

I live with our two DC who are 9 and 11. I have recently been diagnosed with ME CFS. I am not bedridden but I cannot work at the moment due to symptoms.

DH was coming to the house helping out with DC and helping me with washing dishes etc.

However things have become so tense between us as he keeps blaming me for the relationship breakdown and asking me to work on things but when I bring up drinking it's shut down, and I realised that I could be the most perfect person yet he'd still blame me. At this moment, he is in active addiction and he's not changing. He's distanced himself and now refused to come in the house. However what this means is that I am now doing everything re the children.

They do not want to stay at his house as it's far from.school, so he blames me for this. Therefore he is absolved of all childcare and associated duties - school drop offs, coming, washing , cleaning. He does nothing. I gave CFS and I'm beyond exhausted.

What can I do?

Remove your children and yourself from him insofar as possible.

Chicken I appreciate this bit I've got chronic fatigue and no family here to support.

I'm sorry. I know how it feels to be stuck.is there anyone you can turn to for help at all?

Ask for help from social services. Can you get pip? A carer? As you live seperately can you claim child support?

I will sound harsh but it’s time to start creating and organising a life without him. Doctor, get a social worker, start applying for everything you might be entitled to.

And din’t tell him. He will continue to deteriorate, you are not well, you are going to deteriorate in different directions and on different paths.

I’m afraid I agree with this really. No one and nothing can MAKE him want to be a better father or partner or want to be there and help you.
Start finding out what other help you can get. Does he pay for his kids?
As far as some of the smaller jobs is there a reason why the children can’t do some of them? I’m fully healthy but my 11 year old is still expected to wash dishes, make her own lunches and clear up after herself. They are old enough to do at least some of the jobs for themselves.