To think it is reasonable ...

[Orla32]

... to have a separate bedroom to DH.

My DH snores EVERY NIGHT. It's worse when he has a drink (which isn't too often to be fair).

If I sleep before him then his incessant snoring doesn't wake me. However, if I go to sleep after and he begins to snore (which he always does) it drives me insane and I cannot sleep.

We have small DC so I cannot wear earplugs as need to hear them.

I tend to go to sleep before DH but invariably every night my youngest DS is up. Tonight my DS woke early and we bought him in with us due to him not being 100%. Anyway, DH manages to get back to sleep once woken in 0.1 seconds it seems like, whille I struggle.

So hear I am, for the third night this week, up listening to him snore so loud. He barley wakes when I prod him and just rolls over and I get approximately 0 relief from the continuous snore - which is sometimes rhythmic and other times seemingly arbitrary.

I have told him to sleep in the spare room so often but he refuses but I need sleep!!!!!!!

YABU - Of course you shouldn't have seperate rooms because he snores.
YANBU - Start making plans to move out the master bedroom!!!

Absolutely NOT BU! You need your sleep just as much as DH. I really don't understand why so many couples struggle with the idea of sleeping in separate bedrooms, other than they're worried what other people will think, ie, 'they can't have a good sex life if they have separate rooms', but that's absolute rubbish. Why not set up your own room, spend the early part of the night having a cuddle or whatever, and then when you're ready for sleep go to your own bed. If anything, we found it actually improved our sex lives, because we were both getting better quality sleep.

Thanks for you reply - I think DH struggles with the idea for the reasons you have mentioned! Have you had seperate rooms for long?

In an ideal world of course I would want to share the same bed but it's making me resent him when he wakes up refreshed and I'm shattered - even more so when he has a nap during the day because he is tired!!!!! Fortunately for him he is quite senior and apparently a two hour nap in the day doesn't impact his work - I would have no chance of doing this with when I WFH!

I think maybe this weekend will be me looking to make the spare room "mine". Something about snoring which really makes me irrationally frustrated!!!!

Nothing worse than hearing a man snore!!

If he won't sleep in the spare bedroom, then you're going to have to ................... #nobrainer (but I'd not be happy at having to move out of my lovely bed!)

Would it be an option to hold a pillow over his face until he stops snoring??!👀👀 😂

I think maybe this weekend will be me looking to make the spare room "mine".

It would be completely unreasonable, not to say bonkers, for you to not do this!

Separate bedrooms for sleeping are the secret to many a long and happy marriage.

I would encourage anyone who snores badly to get a sleep apnoea investigation.
XH and I ended up in separate rooms. He had always snored but as he gained weight and drank more it got continually worse. By all means look at separate rooms. Some people swear by it. For us, it marked the beginning at the end. It reduces the opportunity for spontaneous sex and less intimacy generally. You’ll have to make more effort to ensure that happens.

One option might be to start the night in the same bed, and then if he starts snoring before you're asleep or one of the DC wakes you up then decamp to the spare room. The way to make that work in cooler weather is to have an electric blanket in there so it's not cold to get into. If I start the night in with DH I leave my blanket on, on a timer so it's lovely and warm.

@WormHasTurned he has done a home sleep apnoea test which showed he does have it. In fact, when he drinks i notice it. He will stop breathing for quite a few seconds until his body like spasms and then he will do a massive snore - I recorded it once to make him take the test! Although he hasn't gone the GP as he is worried about it impacting his insurance etc. and I can't force him. He also gets horrible white stuff around his mouth when he snores after drinking - pretty gross stuff.

I can see how snoring can be a factor in a relationship break down - right now I am sitting here furious that he won't go to the spare room. I would if it wasn't for my DS being in the bed with us, and I don't want to wake him to move him in with me. I am definitely going to be grumpy tomorrow.

Sex is off the cards at the minute anyway as I'm just too exhausted!! Once the youngest goes to sleep I follow pretty soon after because I'm so tired and because I am fearful of not sleeping before DH.

Well I’m up because my DP is happily snoring in our bed, whilst I’m now wide awake so I can completely relate. I usually move to another room as I too cannot tolerate my partners snoring, it’s so loud and starts and stops so
much. It’s so tiring and frustrating trying to sleep in the 10 second ‘interval’ when he stops briefly. Like tonight, I do sometimes try to sleep in bed, as I love my bed, but his snoring can actually wake me out of a solid sleep (I am quite a light sleeper though since having kids).

Honestly, my constant prodding, huffing and outright shouting ‘SHUT UP’ was causing more problems than solutions. At least sleeping apart means we both get a good night sleep, less arguments and tension. That’s the problem with a snorer, they are essentially rubbing their great nights sleep in your face 🤪

The only thing that sometimes gets to me is the kids seeing us now sleeping apart. I’ve assured them everything is okay, and Daddy just sleeps really loudly xx

The only thing that sometimes gets to me is the kids seeing us now sleeping apart.

It never really occurred to me that this is problematic - it isn't! We've had separate rooms since not too long after dd was born (tbh she was more of the catalyst for it than the snoring originally). Visit stately homes... anyone who could afford separate rooms had them!

I would if it wasn't for my DS being in the bed with us, and I don't want to wake him to move him in with me.

If your spare room bed is big enough maybe go there with your DS if he wakes and wants to be with you in the night?