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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Self Absorbed Work Colleague 🤪

16 replies

Hereforthekickz · 22/02/2024 23:33

My work colleague is driving me nuts! Can anyone relate?
I have worked with her, sat opposite me, for 4 years. She does the same job as me and works part time. I am so glad she isn’t full time or I may have killed her!
She is so full of herself. She has had previous jobs and had to deal with a lot of responsibility! (She hasn’t!) She is forever saying how she has worked alongside CEO’s and been picked especially for high profile projects because she was highly valued. She has had companies beg her not to leave and when she had her exit interview, all the things she said needed to be changed, they changed when she left.
She has a husband who took himself from nothing and has built a career for himself. Her son is the same, a professional with a fantastic career, all without going to Uni like his friends. Her husband looks a lot younger than he is and is in real fantastic shape. She is completely controlling, especially with her family so much so that I cringe at some of her stories.
All of the above accomplishments are completely exaggerated and unnecessary. It’s not a true picture of her life or family. Having worked alongside her for 4 years, I can honestly say that, whilst she does have strong skills she lacks in other key areas. Again, she isn’t the strongest worker and that doesn’t matter accept she thinks she is! She really does think she
is the best.
She likes attention so often starts singing loudly, warbling in an high pitched tone and she tells you the same thing over and over. She says things like, I wrote a song when I was young and then starts singing it. She jokes about getting in a girl
group and talks constantly about her obsession with a very young singer and how she met him once and now gives him professional advice (all joking of course) She sends videos to me showing her singing karaoke whilst out and generally fills up my WhatsApp with all the things she is doing, cooking, buying. The issue is that she doesn’t stop and I think she passes it off as a joke but it’s getting really tiresome.
Everyone is her “best friend” even the girl in the sandwich shop but we all know it’s not a friend. Just someone who works in her local shop. She has one friend who she constantly refers to as “ my bestie” like you would if you were 12 years old, not 50!
Her voice is high pitched and singy which can drive you mad. In meetings, she will pout and then challenge everyone with an air of superiority and arrogance.
I am trying my best to ignore this behaviour but it’s hard when you are sat opposite.
Its her birthday soon and it’s a biggy and I am dreading it!!!!!
Oh to work alone and from home 🤪

OP posts:
MrsHughesPinny · 22/02/2024 23:37

That would drive me mad.

Call her out on it and tell her everyone finds her constant boasting and exaggeration really tedious to be around and to knock it off!

BagOfBollocks · 22/02/2024 23:40

The singing would get right on my nerves but the rest of it just sounds like delusional over confidence, and actually that sort of thing seems to work well for men in terms of career progression, so with a bit of luck it'll work for her too.

Hereforthekickz · 22/02/2024 23:42

I would absolutely love to say that 👆🏼🤣
could you imagine the hell I would go through in the fallout!
I may have to be tactful and subtle. I want to say something condescending like “why have you never made management with all your achievements “ 🥳

OP posts:
CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo · 22/02/2024 23:45

Ask your line manager to move you. If they ask why, suggest they work from your desk for a week.

OppsUpsSide · 22/02/2024 23:46

I had a colleague I found difficult as she was a mixture of insecure and boastful, really annoying. I whinged to my parents and my dad got me a book called something like ‘how to manage difficult people’, it really helped. I honestly enjoy working with her now.

Hereforthekickz · 22/02/2024 23:48

Oh, forgot to mention that she thinks she has a very close relationship with another member of staff (he is in a much higher position than her). She goes out of her way to create a conversation with him and talks to him like she’s his mother. When he recently got engaged, her face dropped because he didn’t tell her before he told us work colleagues. Again she tried to frame it as a joke but it wasn’t.
I wonder why she is like this ? She openly admits that, as an only child, her father put her on a pedestal and her mother shielded her from everything through her own irrational fears.

OP posts:
Hereforthekickz · 22/02/2024 23:51

Oh @CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo what I would give in return for a desk move!
I don’t think there are any free. I do feel better after a rant on here.

OP posts:
FallingStar21 · 22/02/2024 23:54

I get how that's really annoying but couldn't help but think:
At least she is portraying a positive (albeit boastful and perhaps untrue) image of herself and her life.
I'd probably take that over people who are always on the negative, hyper-critical, etc.
If she works part time then at least it's not every day, but you say she also PMs you a lot. Does she text every day?
Make sure you keep your personal boundaries, e.g. very short and "delayed" replies.

Heathers4evs · 22/02/2024 23:56

She sounds awful, I was in a large shared office with someone like this once- I didn't work directly with her, but she had my nerves frayed. I escaped by getting promoted - can she be your push to go for promotion?

plantlover34 · 22/02/2024 23:58

She sounds like a deranged narcissist, I would be grey rocking all of that stuff, although the singing would be very hard to ignore!

I'm not sure why she has your number for WhatsApp, but if you put her chat into archive, it will mute it indefinitely 😇

Are you allowed to wear headphones at work when you need to concentrate?

Fucketyfecketyfoo · 22/02/2024 23:59

She must be exhausted! It can’t be easy keeping up a front like that!

WulfWuman · 23/02/2024 00:08

Fake it till you make it, they say. Sounds like she's taken that to heart.

She sounds deluded but not nasty or deceitful or otherwise harmful.

I wonder why she's getting under your skin so much - there are far worse than her around.

ilovesooty · 23/02/2024 00:30

Why do you have her on WhatsApp?

Unless you address it and deal with any conflict it causes you'll just have to put up with it. Either it's annoying enough to challenge or it isn't.

2021x · 23/02/2024 01:48

Oh lord...its delusional and exceptionally irritating for sure. She obviously is the main character and that suits her just fine.

You are not the only one who probably feels like this, but there sadly isn't anything you can do unless you WFH for some portion while she is there. Maybe ask the company for some noise cancelling headphones and wear them all the time to give her completly unassaible verbal cues.

Fraaahnces · 23/02/2024 01:56

Have you ever asked her to stop singing so that you can concentrate? Can you wear earbuds at work? “Sorry - can’t hear you. Wearing my earbuds so I can concentrate and finish my work.”

Hereforthekickz · 23/02/2024 07:51

To answer some points
She isn’t a nasty person at all and she is very positive about her life. Not that positive about work issues and can be negative at times and likes dwell on this.
She is very upbeat and comes into work with a skip and jump and this is great but that goes on and on and she only gives it a rest when she wants to be “serious and very busy” if you understand. She is a massive drama queen and likes to pretend she is perfect. Certain innocent conversations between colleagues and she will start pouting and being very, very serious when there is no need to be.

I do indeed have to put by headphones in at times when it all gets too much.

I have her on WhatsApp because we were making arrangements for a colleague’s leaving gift years ago and it’s gone from there. No, she doesn’t message daily but that’s because I control how/when I respond. If I didn’t, I would get constant messages. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes they are not all about her. Sometimes she sends positive messages about work but the rest are me, me, me. I ignore a lot of them!

I believe others feel the same and have her down for an attention seeker. It must just be that she works directly opposite me. Everyone else is a distance away and does a different job. I know it could be worse but it really gets you down after 8 hours!

Wish me luck today. I will try some of your tips 💯

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