WWYD re childcare split

[ZestyLemon23]

If you're co-parenting, and one parent does shift work and one works the usual 9-5, how would you split childcare? One DC. No child maintenance paid from either party.

Is it unreasonable to expect that the parenting split depend upon the shift worker's shifts, and the 9-5 parent solely arranges childcare if the shift work overlaps with the 9-5 (this may involve cancelling contact time if called into work also)? Or is it unreasonable to expect that there should there be a schedule in place, for consistency, which can be reasonably altered when needed?

Are the shifts regular patterns or random allocation?

Get a schedule and if that means the 9-5 has primary residency then so be it. It's what's best for the child(ren) and stability and routine is what is best. It may mean having to pay maintenance to the other parent but that's life.

They're randomly allocated, so could be a set of days during the week or over the weekend. There are also a period of shifts where the other parent can be called in 24 hours before, which means contact time will be cancelled and the 9-5 parent has to arrange childcare last minute.

Thanks. The primary concern is consistency for the child, who is struggling with the lack of routine currently

Either the shift worker commits to a set schedule and arranges their own childcare ( perhaps they need to get another job) or the other parent has majority care and receives child support.

As kids need stability i think this just wont work. The shift worker could try to negotiate fixed shifts (maybe offering to take all the shitty ones) or look for ither work. Last minute cancellations/not knowing where they are sleeping wont be good for the DC. I would be pissed off if i were the 9-5 person

It's not fair to cancel contact time, and not the other parents responsibility to support their ex's career anymore.

I had a similar situation. The children lived with me the majority of the time. Their dad worked shifts (medical role) which were received about 3 weeks in advance. We arranged their contact with him based on his availability around his shifts. It was very stressful as there was some conflict and I couldn't plan ahead, but that was the nature of his work and it was in the children's interests to see him.

Thanks all. I wanted to confirm that I wasn't being unreasonable before I had the conversation. I'm the 9-5 parent and we're struggling with the lack of stability as it stands. Guess I'll have to see how the discussion goes!

Can the shift worker not get a different job? Or apply for flexible working but actually less flexible - eg. Set shifts.

When you find an answer let me know. Convinced my ex does nights and shifts to avoid having to commit to parenting regularly. I have to just get him to book weekends off, I’m lucky if I get once a month. It’s exhausting.

If the ex can't control the shift allocation and it doesn't follow a set pattern then it may fall on you to work around it.
However, this should not mean that you are responsible for making and paying childcare arrangements.
Basically the shift work means ex.needs to accept he either has to organise childcare if he's on shift or he can't stick with the current arrangements

I'm a shift working parent. Work 3x13 hour days/nights/weekends in a week. I applied for flexible working and I work 3 shifts together each week but randomly allocated. I drop the kids off the night before my shifts start so Tuesday night if I'm working wed/thurs/fri and then collect them back Saturday for example. If starting on nights I will take them to school on the weds for example. Ex is a teacher. We share the childcare costs incurred on the days I work - so breakfast club and afterschool clubs but he organises it because it's his days with the kids if that makes sense?

He says he doesn't want to consider a different role as it's an "easy job". There isn't any flexibility due to the sector unfortunately

We share parenting 50/50 but it only works well because me & ex DP work pretty much exactly the same hours every week and have a very rigid schedule for the sake of DD so she knows exactly what's happening every day in advance. Life does change sometimes and we both help each other out if needed but DD definitely thrives on the stability and predictability of her routine.

He can go to a different sector. If he wants to minimise the impact on the kids he might have to find another job

How old is the child?

I don't think here is an easy answer.

Friends that were co parenting with one ding shifts went with paying for childcare Monday to Friday (splitting the bill equally) same with breakfast club and afterschools when school age. The shift parent gave the other parent their pattern in advance to work out contact. The shift parent also luckily had grandparents on stand by to cover their weekends if they were called in.
when child got older they had a big colour coded calendar on the wall showing which days they were where. When child got older they chose to stick with staying at none shift parents house more but would got for dinner with shift parent/do homework etc

If anyone has the right answer im also here for it!

My ex works shifts - they don’t follow any significant pattern. He sees DD once a week but this varies week on week. We have constant disagreements as he won’t organise these days until last minute (he gets his shifts for months ahead)

i also work full time and pay for nursery regardless of whether this falls on his day to have her.

it also means that I never get any downtime on a weekend as he always chooses time in the week when she’s at nursery so he only sees her from 5, puts her to bed then takes her back at 8.

My ExH works shifts and my 2 DC live with me usually 5 days of the week. The days he has them depends on what days he has off.

It never used to be a problem as I was so flexible however:

• I end up footing the childcare bill when he can’t have them
• I am now remarried with another DC and it feels like his shifts now dictate our life so it is a piss take.

Stability is a huge issue and I end up doing a lot of ‘resetting’ back to my house/ our rules as he doesn’t have them often he gets to be the fun parent.

You can make shifts work but the opposite parent has to be flexible (or a mug) not sure which one I am.

This sounds very similar to our situation.

For the last year or so I have been as flexible as I can but it’s getting to a point where it’s starting to dictate what I can do. This includes in my personal life, for instance he chooses week days so he can have weekends to himself which means in 7 month I’ve literally had 4 Saturdays to myself.

similar with the childcare, whether he has week days off, she will still attend nursery and it’s me that pays - even though there his days.

i can’t force him to do set days - because he can’t. But there never seems to be any flexibility on his part, just mine.

I am curious what type of jobs have these completely unpredictable shifts? I grew up with step/parents variously working as nurse, croupier, switchboard operator, hospital porter etc but they all had predictable shift patterns.