Friend constantly analysing children's behaviour

[ARMSDOWN]

I have a friend who I'm very close to. She has a daughter the same age as my son. Today we were out at a day event. My son was really hyper as he was excited to see his friend. Not so much that he was doing anything dangerous, just very excited and chatty (and yes, annoying!). My friend later texted me telling me he might benefit from this that and the other her daughter benefited from (mainly square breathing exercises and focusing techniques). My son has suspected adhd, she knows this, I'm working on it. It seems every time I see her she is analysing something about my and her child's behaviour and googling some kind of answer even if it is just normal behaviour. It's driving me a bit nuts and makes me feel deflated like she's always analysing my parenting (given, she does it with her own child too). We've been friends for 15 years and I've never had this issue before. I can't work out if it's just me being over sensitive. Would this annoy you? Would you raise it?

This is what I have been doing

Patronizing and rude of her. I would just tell her to stop. If you're such good friends then she'll listen.

I am working up to eg mentioning neuro divergence/assessment to a friend about her son.
Do not do this unless they have asked for opinions.

Yeah I agree. Surely this will be picked up at school or the parents are already aware. The fact you have to work up to it means it probably isn't a good idea.

I have to work up to it as we get so little time to talk... Not least as the kid is interrupting constantly and my friend is so distracted.

But yes, I'm hoping teachers will pick it up and know what to do with it.

It would annoy me but I would blank it. In response to a text message just a 👍, and in person take a sip of tea and check your WhatsApp messages while she talks. Then talk about something else.

ive ADHD myself(diagnosed at 42 though,43 now)and a 13 and 19 y old with numerous disabilities each some rare, we also home educate

i also follow an alternative lifestyle approach for parenting and education(radical unschooling)

all of the above means i get unwanted advice constantly or told im wrong and you MUST do it this way
been this way for nearly 20 years

if your child does get diagnosed you are going to get this constantly
my oldest is 20 in sept and i still get unwanted advice

the public think they have a right to advice you or tell you your doing wrong just because they see different behaviour or don't understand what or why the child is reacting like that

your going to have to learn to speak up instantly and shut people down(family and friends definitely) or this will be so emotionally draining for you

i am my user name and a take no shit type of person and the amount of rows ive had just by sticking up for myself or telling people to butt out(nicely at first, but they persist) re in the hundreds

It's actually quite arrogant that people like that think they know better than others. Put it back onto her- what makes her think she's so special that's she more of a parenting expert than any other person?

I’d find it quite patronising and condescending.

As if she it’s suggesting you haven’t thought about it. I Hate smug know it all behaviour

Oh it’s very annoying, I feel l might do this with a friend whose child needs support that they are lot getting. Hopefully I’m not like that. It’s coming from a place of caring for him a lot.

Some random person spouting this week's thoughts is not going to be 'a good thing', it's just interference, Advice is only advice when sought, anything else is pure nosiness. Text back and tell her s stop being so boring and find another was of wasting her time!
The amount of time that seems to go on navel gazing by MNers, who then moan about having too much to do, is fantastic!

I'm sure she thinks she's being helpful, so just tell her thanks, but it's not that helpful right now

It's not annoying, it's belittling and condescending. I had similar and it's altogether more irritating when the children are different personalities. I would look to put distance between you if the friendship relies on her feeling better by running you down....

I'm guessing she has only the one child. The intensity dilutes a bit when you have more!

She actually has two. One much older (14)