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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What happened to people?

29 replies

Newpancake92 · 22/02/2024 18:03

Just a thought that might be worth voicing...
I've recently noticed a big change in dynamics on Mumsnet.
OPs are getting attacked in pretty much every thread and some people being really unkind to them.
People fighting between themselves.

I have always found Mumsnet to be such a nice place full of supportive people but it feels something has changed in the last year or so?
Would be scared to create any thread asking for emotional support/advice etc now as would most likely get shredded to bits.

Is it COL crisis that has done it to people? Wars? Being uncertain about their future?
Has anyone else noticed this? Do you think this happens more in real life too?

OP posts:
Lemsipper · 22/02/2024 18:06

Probably that misery wants company. I think a lot of people are generally fed up, run down, over worked, depressed and that doesn’t make for the nicest crowd 😊

SpeedyDrama · 22/02/2024 18:07

AIBU is an infamous bear pit, has been for years. This type of thread is started every other week, like someone has literally just discovered that this forum in particular is not one to tread lightly in.

TheChosenTwo · 22/02/2024 18:07

Oh just fuck off op you moany cow

😂😂😂
joke!!!

I have definitely noticed a shift in real life of people who may think they’re just protecting their boundaries and holding firm on things but really coming across very badly.
i think on MN it’s always been the same though.

ps, I really was joking about that first bit!!

mynameiscalypso · 22/02/2024 18:08

I've been on MN for many years and the type of threads have popped up for all of that time. I think sometimes you just notice it more and/or hang out in parts of MN which have a tendency to be more...brusque.

ThisHonestQuail · 22/02/2024 18:09

I agree, Mumsnet can be awful and people will take any chance to be nasty. It’s much worse than any other forum I’ve been on.

PrincessOfPreschool · 22/02/2024 18:09

It went downhill at least 10 years ago! But generally specific topics like teenagers or relationships are better.

RosieAway · 22/02/2024 18:09

Absolutely! I returned here after about 4 years and was absolutely torn apart over something quite menial and have noticed it a lot. Quite terrifying, like being thrown to the pack!

Also some people who I’d say are borderline horrible about their kids and how they’re treating them, get support and suggestions of even harsher treatment 😳

Am interested to know why the change in dynamics too…

JaninaDuszejko · 22/02/2024 18:10

When I first came on MN it was known as the nest of vipers. There are parts that are horrendous and parts that are lovely.

Itsnotallaboutyoulikeyouthink · 22/02/2024 18:11

Personally some of the posts are verging on the ridiculous and it’s a travesty that they even make it on Mumsnet. What I mean by this is there is no independent thinking by people, no resilience both, no sense or personal reality checks or seeing the bigger picture- all skills that are really needed day to day.

SwedishEdith · 22/02/2024 18:12

It's AIBU - which you've also chosen as the place to start this thread. It's not known for attracting nuanced thinking but polarised black and white views.

Carwashandthemoog · 22/02/2024 18:14

I agree. I’ve been on MN for 18 years, since my ds was a baby and I honestly don’t remember it being full of such nastiness, I’m sure these people wouldn’t say boo to a goose in RL.

I’m also fed up with so many obviously made up threads, it’s getting very boring now.

HotSince82 · 22/02/2024 18:15

Mumsnet is where people gather to exercise their intellectual and status driven vanity to the detriment of strangers.

the80sweregreat · 22/02/2024 18:15

It is a challenge on here if you have a different or more controversial point of view. Often people find it hard to see that not everyone thinks like they do ( in ' real life' I find I clash with my own son over certain things and he can't always see it from my perspective)
Factor in some keyboard warriors, possible trolls or other outside influences and it can be hard to navigate at times. Plus being anonymous means others can be much more confrontational than they might be face to face up the pub!
On some threads you can receive a lot of help and some great advice , but on others it's more of a minefield !
Still love the forum though , but the threads I go on regularly tend to be less aggressive!

CheerfulBunny · 22/02/2024 18:16

I think people actively look to be offended more these days, that's a shift. Pefectly mundane conversations just get shut down or derailed by people arguing about semantics. There's always been an element of nastiness, perhaps not as widespread or inevitable as it is now. I lurked for years before I dared post anything, let alone start a thread!

pictoosh · 22/02/2024 18:18

I don't think 'people' posting on mn have changed in the slightest. I signed up here over a decade ago and to my mind, it's the same as it has always been.

JaneJeffer · 22/02/2024 18:18

I've got Deja Vu

Bondibeechtree · 22/02/2024 18:20

Totally agree OP. Some people are really cruel on here and very quick to attack for the slightest thing.

Lots of people suggest things they'd never do themselves too to make themselves sound 'big' e.g. I'd bump his car out of the way, put dog shit through their letter box etc.

It's worrying that so many seem to be like that and I just hope it's because it's easy to say stuff online that you wouldn't do face to face.

RecentError · 22/02/2024 18:20

I’ve not noticed it on here but IRL Jesus Christ.

Since Covid, people are so fucking selfish. The expectation that everything revolves around them, but that they can’t be held accountable for anything and can flake off at the drop of a hat. People’s commitment, honesty and values have taken a massive dive the past few years.

DatingDinosaur · 22/02/2024 18:34

Massive virtual like button press for @RecentError 's reply.

Unless MNHQ have pruned earlier topics, it does seem like responses are more aggressive and accusatory now than in the past.

Lightnose · 22/02/2024 19:09

I've been on MN on and off 20+ years and TBH there has always been some nastiness.

What I've noticed recently, is attacks for over- thinking or subjects deemed not worthy of a threat. I liked it when it was a place for a chat, but now you get attacked for giving "headspace" to any issues considered not important enough.

Mothership4two · 22/02/2024 19:33

I have been on here for 13 years and it has definitely got more unpleasant in the past few years. Some posters are just downright nasty right from the off with no regard to how the OP (often in a vulnerable position) is feeling and if anyone tries to defend the OP they get both barrels as well. Some posters just make picky comments about something the OP said in passing for context which is irrelevant to the OP's point. Arguing between posters and name calling has definitely bcome more brutal. There is definitely little "let's just agree to disagree". I don't understand why some people want to come on a site aiming to make some anonymous stranger feel worse. I've noticed how language has become more skewed and unrealistic to promote their argument - I usually feel if you have to do that then your argument must be pretty weak. I now would never put up a post about anything that I feel sensitive about, where I possibly would have done in the past.

That said, on the whole there are enough sensible and caring people on MN to balance it out - as well as some downright funny ones. Every now and again I feel like coming off of here purely bacause of the horrible behaviour of some posters, but on balance the overall behaviours makes me stay on.

TammytheFaceGhost · 22/02/2024 19:46

It feels "bigger" now. Years ago when I first joined it felt like more of a community, there were nowhere near as many troll posts and people seemed to keep the same username, or at least variations thereof. I was never a MOldie before anyone accuses me of that, I've always name changed and wanted to stay anonymous. But I kind of liked coming on to a thread and "recognising" a few names, knowing what kind of thing they'd post.

I think with the increase in anonymity comes a sense of "freedom" for people to take out their frustrations at the world. That poster they're telling to fuck off and get over themselves is a representation of their boss, or their dad, they're saying the things they wish they could say in real life.

Life is shitty for a lot of people now, there's lots of bad times to post about.

PurpleSparkledPixie · 22/02/2024 19:59

Mumsnet has also been targeted by certain outsiders who decide it's "fun" to kick people when they are down. It's also well known for being one of the few places on the Internet that is women centric and some people/men do not like that, especially when it helps support women to leave an abusive relationship.

That's just a couple of reasons, other pp also have good explanations.

OriginalUsername2 · 22/02/2024 20:08

I did chuckle when I opened the thread about general life tips and saw two women actively having a barney.

No topic is safe!

spicedlemonpie · 22/02/2024 20:12

I dont fit in anymore suits me well.
But i have noticed that some bullies on here are in fact teachers.