Friends big birthday no invite

[mickey54]

Aibu to feel really hurt by friend? A long term friend has a big birthday this year. I have been asking her if she wants to go away or go out suggesting various ideas however all she has been saying is I don’t know.
so today she tells me she is going away when I asked about an event to go to, I just happened to say with the kids etc and she said with friends. To the place where I got married overseas. She has other sets of friends who she has known less time but they are in a group. So assume these friends.

I feel really really upset that this trip is obviously where she has chosen for her big bday as she came to my wedding. It’s just after her birthday. So presume she is doing this instead. But I feel really upset she has dismissed me and almost rubbed salt in the wounds albeit she prob wouldn’t see it like this.
I feel like she is not the good friend I feel she is too me. AIBU and stupid.
I have not said anything else to her since she told me this.

@WandaWonder yes I thought maybe she was thinking about it or she is a bit last minute about things but yes defintely not mentioning again x

MN is a funny place. If you posted another day, the replies could just as easily have been "she's a cow, you deserve better"

I'd say, it's OK to be upset, perhaps you aren't as close as you thought, and that's not a nice feeling. But, it sounds like she was trying to be tactful and not rub your face in it. You can still be friends, even if it turns out you aren't as close as you thought

Is being allowed to herd sheep down the high street, in medieval dress, included?

@NeedToChangeName yes so right!
thanks yes she possibly never said as knew could be awkward I don’t know. 🤷‍♀️ definitely don’t think she feels quite same as me x

OP

I will be as gentle as I can as I have no itention of offending you

I have no real friends other than family

Sadly, too many people have too many "good friends." Clearly, to you, she is a good friend but you are not to her

This reminds of my high school days - I'm glad I'm not at school

For certain your friend may be a friend but not a good friend but an acquainteous

Offering to organise a party for her was kind...but to me, seems a little intense. Granted I am a lazy cow who wouldn't dream of offering such a thing...but I still think it's a lot.

@pictoosh no it was more she was thinking she would like one but wasn’t sure so I offered to help her sort one if she wanted it!

Yes I see that now, sorry I misread it.

I don't have a massive amount of friends but the ones I do have are great. However, I would never mix any of them.
I would go into a cold sweat if I ever invited all my friends to a party for instance. They are all quite different/unique, outspoken, bold.
I wouldn't take it personally OP.

Hmmm you see i think it is a bit odd because it’s a location that you know really well.

She could have gone anywhere but that’s a place she knows through you. She’s sort of copying you and then not telling you? If it was an ok situation she would have told you ages ago.

It can be difficult fitting everyone in. She's been vague to spare your feelings. She's probably been asked by the other group of friends what she wants to do and they've suggested going away. There's no reason why she should have to turn down their offer. Her actual birthday might be spent with family. Personally I'd get over it and ask if she's got availability for a meet up. I see people doing things with others as a positive because it means so can I. Otherwise it all gets a bit primary school.

@Newgirls yes that is a good point . Yes I wondered the reason she never said as I thought she would have been keen to tell me as we went years ago, but no. X

@Ponoka7 yes she is free to do as she wants and will almost certainly be with family on her birthday but yes getting the jist of the situation now x

I think if it had been anywhere else it would have been ok and you wouldn’t have minded. The world is a big place and she chose there. Maybe at best it’s a compliment for your amazing taste

@Newgirls yes I think the place is a bit of a stinger on top of it all! But yes def amazing taste 😃