‘They’re just tired’

[Beenop]

I know MN doesn’t take too kindly to nannies so prepared to be flamed but needing to rant a bit.

Im a nanny for 2 children. They are lovely kids with similar interests to me so we get on like a house on fire and it means I can do activities with them that I actually enjoy too so it’s a lovely dynamic and we have lots of fun. However, they are children at the end of the day and of course have their moments of boundary testing as is completely normal. But I am fed up of their father always using ‘they’re just tired’ every time he witnesses bad behaviour.

But my issue lies with the amount of things the children are constantly doing. Weeks start with clubs at 9am and they have different clubs all through out Saturday and Sunday. Every half term and for the entire summer, they’re driven 8 hours to stay with family where they sleep on sofa beds. They don’t ever get time off school to laze around their house and rest. By Monday, they’re more tired than when I last saw them on the Friday.

AIBU to think that if you’re going to use tiredness as an excuse, you should perhaps lessen the schedule of KS1 children?

Do the children enjoy and want to do their hobbies?

What's the bad behaviour? How old are they? Does the education/college/career that the parents want for them rely on extracurricular activities?

I do agree that children (like adults) need some time to just be. I’d be ratty if I didn’t get at least 1 day a week to just chill…

Some they enjoy, others they just tolerate as they’re necessary things like swimming lessons.

I’ve tried this with DS, and he doesn’t chill, he just gets bored and silly. I know other children who are happy to spend days in the house though, so everyone’s different.

General things children do that need redirecting into positive behaviour. Taking sweets when they shouldn’t, retaliating with hitting when not getting their way, shouting at adults etc it’s not constant bad behaviour, they’re nice kids.

And their parents are happy for them to be what ever they want to be.

I agree! Most kids seem to do too much. No harm in lazing around a bit, just reading a book etc. Better for your imagination etc, too.

They’d sometimes like to just watch tv but mostly they enjoy pottering around with their Lego and dolls. But they get very easily tired with physical activity which most of their activities are

I do think it’s sad that there’s so much pressure on parents to make sure that their kids are never bored, to the extent that they’re timetabled 24-7. Finding something to do to entertain yourself is a really useful skill, and a lot of my happiest memories are from times when we were just pottering about. Kids need downtime, to recharge their batteries and ponder and just BE.

How do the children know what they want to be, let alone their parents?

Agree. Strange reply to be honest. Any parent who has a career in mind for a 4 year old child is strange.

I know plenty of kids like this. Constantly over stimulated with bug, expensive activities and very little time to relax and constantly photographed to #makememories. I feel really bc sorry for them. Drastically in need of a rest, mentally, emotionally and physically

I agree. Children need to be able to play and entertain themselves. Yes be bored if necessary. It’s an essential life skill

I’m quite protective of my kids weekend time, they’re both KS2 but even more so when they were little.

This is because exhaustion does have a real impact on their emotions, behaviour, appetite and sleep to name a few. Even bladder control for the really little ones!

All week at school plus clubs all weekend is too much Imo. It needs to be a balance with rest and recuperation.

It’s vital to learn to use and control your energy reserves in life. When do these kids ever learn to rest and practice self care?

I agree with you that if they’re unable to hold on to themselves they’re probably doing too much. A rest day might really benefit them. Do you nanny for them full time? Could you say anything??

I think this just shows that everyone's different, as I really don't enjoy/value a day doing nothing or just chilling at home. Never have.

Do many schools, colleges or jobs rely on excessive extra-curricular activities for 4-7 year olds?

100%. Sadly, it seems that many parents feel the need for constant stimulation. That is not doing children any good.

But I bet you get to choose how your spend your time rather than it being all mapped out for you.

That makes the situation very different.

There's loads of research into the detrimental effects of kids being so overscheduled. It's not that they necessarily need time relaxing in the house - PPs are right that that's not everyone's cup of tea and drives some people insane - but that they need the opportunity for free play and child-led activities. They need the chance to learn how to regulate their own energy levels, e.g. "I'm feeling tired, I'll sit and colour for a bit" or "My body wants to do heavy work, I'm going to carry all these rocks over to that bucket". And they need to spend time outdoors just exploring and learning how to assess risk by climbing, balancing, hanging etc and developing their own proprioception. Endless structured activities rob them of so many opportunities to learn really essential life skills.