Sick of DH's stupid games

[Huromjuicemaker]

DS(4) will be doing something in the living room say and from elsewhere DH(40) will shout something like "agghh! I can't do it" and DS will jump up and run to find him, today it was I can't finish these sausages you have got to help me, another time it could be hanging a picture or rolling out some pastry, I cant carry this tea to mummy. At least 4 or 5 times a day. It's like he is teaching him that you have to ask for help all the time and its OK to be incompetent?
We have a large open plan sitting room dining room which is divided by a sofa a dresser and a central corridor runs through it, DS will cross between the spaces and DH has to jump out from behind the dresser/sofa/wall and shout dinner time to make him jump, they'll do it for a quarter of an hour non-stop. It does my head in I'm trying to read a book and relax.

It just sounds like they're having fun together. Can't you take yourself off somewhere quiet to read your book and leave them to it?

Is he not just playing with him? Not sure why that would make you cross or think that he is teaching DS to be incompetent?

Sounds more like he is teaching your DS that he should help make meals?

I'd just be grateful he isn't modelling asking you to help all the time.

It's a very common way to ask a young child to help you, by making out you actually can't manage without them so they feel their help is actually meaningful. I'm surprised you haven't come across that before.

I'm assuming you're joking. Sounds like you've married a lovely man and a great dad. Bet your ds adores him.

Is this supposed to be a joke? They're just playing.

go away somewhere else if you want peace to read your book, a bath?

i cant understand why you are complaining though

Go and read your book somewhere else.

This!

I love hearing this sort of play between my partner and our daughter, it warms my heart.

“im just trying to read a book and relax” WOW. Think you need to take a long look at this situation from another perspective. Your husband is having fun and engaging with your child - why on earth is that a problem?

Well, I think we can all tell who’s the fun parent who engages with the kids and who’s the grump.

When I saw the thread title, I thought this was going to be about mind games or passive aggressive behaviour.

Your dh is involving your child in everyday tasks, which is lovely. He gets things done and he actively engages his child at the same time. Nothing stupid about that.

He's playing with him and teaching him to be helpful. Go read your book elsewhere if your partner and child having fun together makes you so unhappy.

Oh dear, OP. I think YABVU here.

When my brother and I were little our dad was exactly like this with us and we loved it! We were always involved in DIY and gardening, etc., with little tool sets and even our own (probably pointless!) tasks to do because dad "couldn't manage them alone".

I don't think it ever occurred to me that my dad was incompetent - our grandad even used to go along with it and ask us to help him with jobs because he'd heard we were so good at them.

DH played with our DD like this, too. She was always beside him when he was doing DIY or cooking, whatever. He would never check the windscreen washers or tyres on the cars for example without her involved, asking her opinion on things, if she was around. Now she's older and lives alone she's fiercely independent and takes on all sorts of tasks, and I'd be surprised if it's not related.

I think it's lovely that your DH is like this with your DS and in years to come your DS will probably remember fondly the times he helped his dad with jobs. It will really help his confidence, too.

I thought this was going to be about DH being wilfully incompetent to make you do things

But he's obviously just having fun with his son whilst you are being a miserable cow.

Well he sounds like he is fully engaged with his son and wants to be with him your son clearly loves this game. I don't really think it's anything else but a fun game and its getting your son to be "helpful". Good for him.

I thought he's playing mind games with you.

I think, it's great he's involving your son in whatever he's doing. It's not like he's asking you to help (or making your ds do his work).

There is a thread on performance parenting in AIbu right now. I think you should have a look in there. You might find your people.

in fact my dh used to do.similar with our dd they loved it.

How about looking at it another way. Whilst DH is entertaining your child, you've actually got the time to read a book and relax.

My ds would love a dad like your partner. Unfortunately he’s got one almost as miserable as you sound

the dinner time game sounds a little bit irritating it sounds like it goes on to long but meh you can read a book anytime orput ear phones in then you won't hear the fun noise.

Couldn't have said it better myself

Sounds like he's being a parent. While you want to sit and relax with a book...

Your DH cooks sausages, hangs pictures, rolls pastry and plays games with your DS, also gets him to help with things? My ex did none of those things (unless cooking for himself).

Actually he did - he used to get the DC to do things he CBA to do

He is goi g to teach him to be incompetent? How?

By doing things and playing with his child?