Manager and colleague talking about me behind my back

[MumsTheWordFact]

Recently I have had the growing feeling that my manager and a colleague are talking about me behind my back. I know my manager is certainly capable of this sort of behaviour because he used to very openly slag off another employee behind his back to me when I first started. At the time I thought it was very unprofessional but what can you do, he’s my manager? The employee he used to talk about was eventually sacked. Subsequently a new person was hired who my manager used to work with and who he thinks highly of. Very quickly my manager stopped having as many non-work related chats with me.

We have a group chat set up and I’ve noticed that when my manager takes issue with my work he posts on the group chat and tags me in it rather than sending me a message personally, I have no proof but it feels like it’s an attempt to publicly shame me in order to make me improve. Yesterday this happened again and I responded very briefly to it and didn’t want to get into a major discussion about it publicly. A minute or so later a notification popped up from his previous work mate saying “FFS THE WAY SHE RESPONDED TO THAT”, when I clicked back onto the chat app, the message was gone. I strongly suspect it was sent to me in error and quickly deleted when it was supposed to go to my manager and be about me.

So, am I being unreasonable and paranoid to think this is happening, or it's just a one off if it was about me?

Should have screenshot that one

Yanbu..sounds like a difficult situation but you will struggle to prove it. Maybe document everything from here on in.

This is appallingly unprofessional behaviour. Is this new colleague a manager of you/your work? If not, it’s nothing to do with them.
Was it on a work platform/app? If so, there will surely be a record of it….
How ready are you for a fight? Do you have a union rep you could take advice from?

No they are talking about you but thats what work places are like people chittering.
I stopped taken calls from a colleague as she was talking about my personal life to boss when I asked her not too so I just correspond by email if we have anything to discuss about work. Luckily we both work from home and rarely go to office.

@MumsTheWordFact cover your bases seems very sus

Get screenshots and don't react to them.

Also, they seem pretty thick.

Unlikely they'll make the same stupid mistake again, sadly.

OP, it is worth documenting anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.

I was being bullied by a trustee at work, but for months I tried to convince myself I was being paranoid. Eventually the bully actually recorded themselves bullying me. I requested a copy of the audio and had to resign.

The whole thing was so stressful for so long it took me a year or so to get over it.

You have my sympathy 🙏🏻

CORRECTION!

THEY had to resign 🙄

I know my manager is certainly capable of this sort of behaviour because he used to very openly slag off another employee behind his back to me when I first started. At the time I thought it was very unprofessional

I'll take any bet you like that he was looking at the staff to find the one who would go along with his behaviour. You didn't fit the bill so he made you the scapegoat instead.

This was on Slack and as far as I can see, once something is deleted, it's just gone, no record at all.

As to the matter there's no evidence and nothing I can really do. I think I shall just have to raise my game so there's nothing they can criticise me for. If they want to make personal comments between each other they can get on with it. I work from home so other than online meetings I don't have to be around them.

Sounds like they are one of those manipulative managers, who needs a close work "friend" to whom they bad mouth others to make themselves feel bigger.

I've had similar with colleagues in the past. I also took the approach to up my game and leave them nothing to say.

But I was naive and not wary enough. Being good at your job is not always enough and sadly people like this often have an agenda.

In my case, my manager started subtly twisting and misrepresenting my work in team meetings. I'd always corrected them privately after to avoid embarassing them in front of the senior managers as it was always minor things. But they knew redundancies were coming, I didn't. My managers aim was to create a negative impression of me over time to ensure that they and their much less experienced "friend" kept their jobs. It worked. But while redundancy actually worked out very well for me, I'd recommend caution to anyone when your manager seems against you.

I suggest if it happens again you protect yourself by responding in public to anything negative they say. They are playing to the audience, do it back and give everyone the full story. Also try to ensure there is always a paper trail of what they want from you. Make records of conversations by sending an email afterwards to just confirm your tasks or deadlines. Having something written down can be that nudge to keep people honest and put them off trying to score points or be manipulative.

Good luck!

I had similar a few years back, there were three of them talking in a chat about pushing me out so one of them could have my job(manager and two young girls). I did managed to get screenshots and sent them to HR along with my resignation. It was investigated. The ‘manager’ has now been promoted to chief exec. I’m very glad I’m no longer there.