To feel guilty I don’t spend “quality time” with my children

[User5512]

On weekdays.

I work full time, mostly from home. I pick up DS(8) from school and continue to work 330-530. DS entertains himself doing bits of TV, drawing and reading. I get going with household chores and making dinner while DS does homework or attends online classes (3 days a week) - one is with a tutor and 2 are related to hobbies. Before we know, it’s bed time! DH tucks him in but I feel so guilty every day for not spending quality time with him.

what do you usually do with your children in the evenings? What would you call “quality” time?

My children are 6 and 10.

When they come home from school they get an hour of screen time to wind down from their day and at 5pm we sit down to eat.

From 5.30 - 7.30 we usually play board games or card games, or do art/crafts etc and we also do their homework if there is any.

7.30 - bath time and I always do this with them and we have lots of fun playing all kinds of silly games.

8pm - take my youngest up to bed, read stories with him and then I lie and chat with him for about 20 minutes.

8.30 - 9pm I will play another board game with my eldest, usually Chess as for some reason that’s his favourite “before bed” game 🤷‍♀️

9pm - I take my eldest up to bed, read stories with him and then we play Wordle together on my phone for about 15 minutes 😂

This is just a general overview though and at some point each evening we also make time to play with the family gerbils which is always quite fun 😂 We will also go to the local park too sometimes if the weather is okay, just for a kick about on the football court or for them to ride their bikes.

They have after-school activities two nights a week so I go with them on those occasions so although I’m not having ‘quality time’ with them, they at least know I’m there and supporting them.

Some evenings they have school friends over so on those occasions I don’t have as much quality time with them as I just leave them and their friends to play.

I’m lucky though as at the moment I’m not working due to ill health so all the crappy housework bits I do whilst they are at school.

When I used to work our evenings looked very different and my chances to have quality time with them were much more limited. I also remember feeling very guilty ☹️

Try not to feel bad though OP as you are no doubt doing the best you can and I’m sure your children are very happy and feel very loved 💐

Aw don't feel guilty.
Youre working to provide.
It can't be helped. I work and don't get home til 5.50ish so for us they just watch TV, play computer games til I get home, then it's dinner time, then it's pretty much bath and bed. Maybe save quality time for weekends?

Can you squeeze in 15 minutes of focussed time for the two of you each day? Play a card game? Read together? Idk what 8yos play or like to do! Draw together? We like to rush so much in our lives, especially during the week - but 15 minutes is nothing in the scheme of things but could be really special for the both of you. Are you eating dinner together/as a family? If so, that absolutely counts as quality time!

I'm a SAHP so get lots of quality time with my 2yo, but struggle with finding time to connect 1-1 with my 4yo now he's in preschool 4 days a week (as we spend time together 3.30pm-bedtime, but most of that is with little brother around who demands a lot of attention).

I think providing for your family, cleaning & cooking etc is all hard, time consuming and valuable work — it’s not something you need to feel guilty for doing. Down time is no bad thing for kids, and neither is learning to entertain themselves. Sounds like you are doing a good job — just plan some nice things at weekend to do together and don’t worry about it.

My main priorities for "quality time" during the week are eating a proper meal at the table together (with no digital distractions) and reading together, which feels (mostly) achievable. Could you encourage DS to bring his homework to the kitchen table so he could do it in your company while you cook? And I'd factor in some time for reading aloud (just twenty minutes a night would be enough to let you work your way through some new chapter books together).

Mine were always in afterschool club then tea and out doing sports / clubs etc from age 5/6 Bath and bed.
Much the same now as teens but longer and later.
We never had time to sit playing family games mid week. Everyone we know much the same